Our walk through Psalm 107 continues with Part 2, the Wanderers. I also share my conversion experience and some of the events leading up to it. It is important to look back, to remember why I am who I am today. I am an adopted daughter of God by grace alone through faith alone. And sometimes I take that for granted. I really want to take this time to thank God for His steadfast love and the miraculous things He has done in my life. I once was lost but now I’m found and it’s the thing I’m most thankful for.
Psalm 107:4-9
Some wandered in desert wastes, finding no way to a city to dwell in; hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted within them. Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straight way till they reached a city to dwell in. Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.
Verses 4-9 tell us a general story about some folks wandering in the desert. Their situation gets so desperate. They have no homes, no food, no water and no hope. They cried out to God and he delivered them. He led them home. He proved his love for them not only by providing physical security but he satisfied the deepest longing and hunger of their souls. They were so thankful they made sure the next generation, the children of men, knew all about it.
What does it mean to wander? The Dictionary.com app (Websters) lists many definitions, but here are just a couple:
1. to ramble without a definite purpose or objective
2. to go aimlessly, indirectly, or casually; meander
3. to extend in an irregular course or direction
This passage doesn’t tell us how these folks ended up in the desert, just that they were wandering there. The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years. The amazing thing is that it was God himself, by way of deliverance through Moses, who led them into the wilderness. Often I wonder why God does something, and many times there are no answers, but there are a couple of scriptures that tell us exactly why God led them into the desert.
Exodus 13:17-18 tells us
When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them by way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near. For God said, “Lest the people change their minds when they see war and return to Egypt.” But God led the people around by the way of the wilderness toward the Red Sea. And the people of Israel went up out of the land of Egypt equipped for battle.
It seems like God led them on a hard path to protect them from something worse. He did this because he knew the fear in their hearts. The Philistines were an enemy that they were not prepared for yet and if they had returned to Egypt pharaoh would have been shooting fish in a barrel. Is it possible God took them through a lesser trial to prepare them for a greater trial later? Probably. Do lesser trials seem lesser at the time? Not really.
Exodus 14:1-4
Then the LORD said to Moses, “Tell the people of Israel to turn back and encamp in front of Pi-hahiroth, between Migdol and the sea, in front of Baal-zephon; you shall encamp facing it, by the sea. For Pharaoh will say of the people of Israel, ‘They are wandering in the land; the wilderness has shut them in.’ And I will harden Pharaoh’s heart, and he will pursue them, and I will get glory over Pharaoh and all his host, and the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD.” And they did so.
Why did God put their backs against the proverbial wall? Did you catch it? To get glory over the enemy. To display his absolute providence in the affairs of man and to show his people that despite their lack of faith he keeps his promises.
We all know what happens next. I encourage you to read Exodus 14. The details of this account are so incredible. God made a straight path where there was no path. Then in Exodus 15 is their song of triumph. Like Psalm 107:8 says, they praised God and his wonderous works and his steadfast love to themselves and their children.
Later, when they needed water he led them to the oasis, then when they needed food he rained down daily bread from heaven. When they refused to enter the promised land because of fear he still took care of them for 40 years in the desert, leading and providing everything they needed. Even their shoes didn’t wear out. He waited for the right time when the next generation, the little children who had come through the Red Sea, were grown and ready for the battles ahead.
Deuteronomy 8:2-3 tells us WHY
And you shall remember the whole way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.
Sound familiar? The last half of verse 3 is what Jesus quoted in Matthew 4:4 to Satan who tempted him to make bread from stones after the Spirit had led him to the wilderness for 40 days of fasting.
The wilderness times in our lives are an opportunity, not to starve, but to see the mighty hand of God deliver us. He humbles us. He lets us hunger. Then he feeds us. Why? To make us know that physical bread isn’t the only thing we need. To make us know that we can’t meet our spiritual needs with physical things.
Here’s a glimpse into the wilderness of my youth and how God saved me at age 15.
I was raised in the Roman Catholic Church. I know there are some awesome Catholic’s out there who know and love the Lord, but it wasn’t that way for me. I was baptized as an infant, went to catholic school, catechism classes, learned all the rules, memorized the Our Father, said the fastest Hail Mary this side of the Rockies, received my first communion, went to confession (a lot), and still had no idea why Jesus mattered.
I remember most Sunday’s sitting in the pew next to my mom and spinning her wedding ring round and round her finger, watching the light glint off the diamonds while the priest droned on in the background. If I misbehaved my dad would take me outside and make me face the wall. He admitted to me in recent years that it was as much a relief for him as it was a punishment for me. I did like the songs and the stained glass. I loved the statues, Mary, and St. Francis, always looking so holy and peaceful. But church was what we did on Sunday with no more mention of God during the week except for fish stick Fridays during lent.
I met my own personal wilderness when I was 14. I was very close to my grandma on my mom’s side. Grandma Z. She was tough but fun. She babysat me a lot when I was little. Then later when I was a pre-teen she would stay the night with us in my room. It was like a sleep over, we would talk and giggle. We played gin rummy and sometimes after my bath she would rub Nivea lotion into my little arms and legs. She was one of my best friends. But she was sick. As I watched her health declining I prayed, really the only time I remember praying something I hadn’t memorized. I knew she was going to die but I would beg God to let her live till I was 16.
A couple months after my 14th birthday she went into a care facility and never made it back out. It was my freshman year of high school, almost Thanksgiving. I was under a heavy load of full honors, AP/IB college prep classes. I went numb. I stopped doing homework. I would sit in the back of class and try to pay attention but if I wasn’t crying I would make myself fall asleep to escape the grief that was eating my soul. I was mad at God. How could he just take her away from me like that? The whole family started making excuses to not go to church. It was a busy season. Dad was golfing more and drinking more, mom was dealing with the grief of her mom passing in her own way, and my little brother was a typical nuisance. Somehow we all made it through the holidays, then just before Easter Grandpa B, my dad’s dad, passed away, ironically from alcoholism complications. Life went pretty quickly to hell after that.
I dressed in Sunday best for Easter, we all went to mass with my Grandma B, put on smiles and choked down communion. But I felt dead inside. It was the last communion I would partake of until later after God saved me. My dad’s drinking really escalated after that. He managed to hang on to his job but was drinking every night and binge drinking away nearly every weekend. My mom’s way of escaping his madness was to take us kids out shopping. One of the things she would never deny me was books. I used that to my advantage and had her buying me books on alternative spirituality and the occult. It was something I had already been into and at that time I gave myself to it completely. Astrology, eastern meditation, astral projection, Ouigi, dream control and interpretation, Tarot card reading, crystals. I bought into it all. I even had an incense altar to the Goddess in my room that I hid from my parents. I became a pagan, a witch.
I was wandering in the wilderness, so hungry and thirsty, desperate for love and power, some scrap of control in my life that felt so out of control. The more spirituality I tried to stuff into my soul the emptier I became. I started looking for a coven to join.
One day a concerned friend asked me if I had ever accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and savior. My answer to that was “I know all about God, I was baptized and went to church enough. I’m a good person.” I remember seeing Jesus at the Mission every Christmas at mass. There was the typical nativity, but there was always this one huge statue of him all bloody hanging on the cross. It actually kind of freaked me out. But she invited me to a youth group event and I decided to go, wondering if maybe there was something I missed.
People there were happy, welcoming, and having fun. So much different than my previous church experiences. She asked if I would like to go to bible study sometime. I was still very skeptical, a proclaimed agnostic, but I found myself agreeing to go. Over the next couple of months I went every week and though I was mostly confused I was also drawn in. I really wanted to understand what they were talking about.
On October 20th 1992 I went to a big Christian music concert at Kit Carson park in Escondido. The only reason my folks let me go was because it was sponsored by a local church. I went with one of my guy friends and his group of buddies. It was incredible. So many people. Awesome music. Lots of moshing and head banging. Then, after “Die Happy” but before the headliners “The Crucified”, a guy got up and gave his testimony. He talked about the fences we build in our hearts. How we want to know God but we want to stay safe so we just sit on the fence without choosing one side or the other. I felt like he was talking only to me! In that moment my heart burst wide open, I didn’t want to be mad at God anymore! I didn’t want to be lost and empty anymore! Hot tears rolled down my cold cheeks in the dark, in the crowd. He invited anyone who wanted to know Jesus to come to the stage for prayer. I ran. I think I was the second or third kid up there out of maybe 30 or so. It was bright and loud… We all went to a grassy area at the side of the stage where they gave us a copy of the New Testament and we prayed.
My friends were so excited. The guy who had invited me to that concert invited me to go to church with him the next Sunday. I started getting up really early on Sunday’s to go and my folks thought I was crazy. I kept going to the weekly bible study with my other friend and was amazed at how much more sense the bible made. I felt like things were going to get better. I started doing better in school. I felt like I had a future again.
I wandered in desert wastes, finding no way to a city to dwell in; hungry and thirsty, my soul fainted within me. Then I cried to the LORD in my trouble, and he delivered me from my distress. He led me by a straight way till I reached a city to dwell in. I will thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.
Do you remember when He saved you? I’d love to hear about it, feel free to share in the comments.
