sin – Smallchelle

I had a Friend

Posted on August 27, 20162 Comments

Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God…”

I had a friend. She was a believer. We first met at a women’s retreat and were instant kindred spirits. She was a little bit younger than me but we had similar pasts that the Lord had delivered us from. We had both been into drugs and had children as teens out of wedlock. The Lord had rescued us both from so much. She lived in another state so she would fly out every other year just to come to retreat. We had maybe 4 or 5 retreats together. In between we would seldom talk but when we did we’d spend hours on the phone catching up on life. And at retreat it was like we’d never been apart, picking up our friendship right where we’d left off.

One year at retreat that bit of Psalm 46 was our theme. It was so powerful. God embraced us both in a very tender way that weekend.

As time went on my friend was drawn away into desperate sin that ended with her death. I can’t tell you the horror of that day. The soul crushing I experienced in the moment I found out she was gone. I felt like I was imploding, like all the air had been sucked from my lungs and I’d never breathe again. And when all the tears had been wept, and all the why’s had been asked, and all the whole world seemed upside down, God bid me to come, crawl into his lap and “be still.”

I can’t ever read Psalm 46 without thinking about my friend. I miss her dearly. I still see her mom every year at Women’s retreat. The one we were at together the year after my friend died was the hardest. She spent long hours telling me all that had happened the night her daughter died. We wept all over again. And then I spent long hours encouraging her with scripture upon scripture, lots of hugs and rivers of tears.

I believe my friend is in heaven, not because she was good, or somehow deserved it, but because God is good. I believe her faith, however tenuous, was real faith. I believe in the perseverance of the saints. I believe in eternal life. I believe God rescued my friend from a fate worse than death. I believe he saved her from herself, first in life, then in death.

The night before I found out she died, maybe even the moment of her death, I was at a Worship Night at our church. I was on my knees, crying, singing, “Light a fire down in my soul, that I can’t contain, that I can’t control, I want more of you God! I want more of you!” I remember it so vividly, and I think it was because of the emotional turmoil of the next few days. I held on desperately to that soul naked feeling that only comes from worshiping God. Knowing that it could as easily have been me and that but for the grace of God there go I.

She was in her early 30’s. She left behind a husband and three children. They grow more beautiful every day. My friends mom sends me pictures occasionally and I pray for them all often. She has been helping a lot with the kids and has that special relationship with them that only Grandparents get to have. Maybe even closer, stronger. They all lost someone so special. But God is with them. Carrying them through, giving them strength.

Someday I’ll see my friend again, in the hot tub at the giant women’s retreat in Heaven. And we’ll worship together and cry together, and then our Jesus will wipe away all our tears with his nail scarred hands. The hands that paid the price for all her sins and mine. And yours too my friend.

We really do need each other. No one was meant to grieve alone. No one is meant to suffer alone. We must fight against the enemy in the way we build Gospel relationships. He’s like a roaring lion that picks off the stragglers. The weak. The lonely. The proud who think they don’t need anyone else. I urge you desperately to get in relationship. You might not be able to know all the women at your church, but you can get to know one or two others.

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Life is short and hard but also fun and a great adventure. I hope this has encouraged you. It was hard for me to write, I still miss my friend very much. I went poking through old pictures this week just to see her smiling again. I spent some quiet time with God praying for her family. And I spent some time praying about how I can be a better friend. If we are friends (and this includes family) I want to thank you for that. Let’s have lunch, or get coffee, or hang out with our kids… Let’s take the time before it eventually takes us.

Genesis 6 Part 1 – Impending Doom

Posted on May 6, 2016Leave a comment

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor 12:10

Recently I have prayed and cried with various dear friends going through some radically difficult circumstances. They are being affected by other people’s sin in faith shaking kinds of ways. As we look at the account of Noah we’ll see just how grieved God was by all that sin in the hearts of people on the earth. Then we’ll get a picture of how God help us in times of trouble. Finally we’ll see that there is a way to suffer well so that Christ is glorified and we are strengthened.

Impending Doom

The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And the Lord regretted that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart. These are the generations of Noah.
   Noah was a righteous man, blameless in his generation. Noah walked with God. And Noah had three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japheth.
   Now the earth was corrupt in God’s sight, and the earth was filled with violence. And God saw the earth, and behold, it was corrupt, for all flesh had corrupted their way on the earth. And God said to Noah, “I have determined to make an end of all flesh, for the earth is filled with violence through them. Behold, I will destroy them with the earth. Make yourself an ark of gopher wood. Make rooms in the ark, and cover it inside and out with pitch.
   Genesis 6:5-14

My heart is breaking for my friends as they suffer in difficult circumstances… Can you imagine how grieved God’s heart is to see all the hurt among all the people all the time? In Noah’s day it was crazy bad! But God chose Noah and his family, to rescue them. He set them apart, called them to do His work and then hid them away while His wrath was poured out and the wickedness of mankind was judged. When we are hurting our tendency is to hide from God, but the secret to survival and strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other is to hide in God.

Help is on the Way

For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but cast them into hell… if he did not spare the ancient world, but preserved Noah, a herald of righteousness, with seven others, when he brought a flood upon the world of the ungodly… and if he rescued righteous Lot, greatly distressed by the sensual conduct of the wicked… then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials, and to keep the unrighteous under punishment until the day of judgment, and especially those who indulge in the lust of defiling passion and despise authority. 2 Peter 2:4-10 (paraphrased, emphasis mine)

Noah watched society boiling over with wickedness, for possible as many as 120 years, while he build the arc. Are you watching some part of your life fall apart right before your eyes? Are you in pain every day? Are you watching people that are supposed to love and care for each other implode with selfishness? What if it never changes? What if you die before that person ever repents and does the right thing? What if you are never healed this side of heaven?

It is such a comfort to know that God knows how to rescue us. Do you believe it? If not, why not? Maybe there is some misinformation about God you’ve been believing instead. If God has already gotten ahold of your spirit and rescued you from utter judgment don’t you think He will be with you in the storm you’re in now?

Get in the Ark

By faith Noah, being warned by God concerning events as yet unseen, in reverent fear constructed an ark for the saving of his household. By this he condemned the world and became an heir of the righteousness that comes by faith. Hebrews 11:7

My hope and prayer is that by faith my friends, knowing the flood is coming, will stand firm in their faith in the Gospel, climb in the ark of God’s arms of comfort and mercy and love, and for the sake of the glory of Christ be content with hardship, because when they are weak, then they are strong.

In the six hundredth year of Noah’s life, in the second month, on the seventeenth day of the month, on that day all the fountains of the great deep burst forth, and the windows of the heavens were opened. The flood continued forty days on the earth. The waters increased and bore up the ark, and it rose high above the earth. The waters prevailed and increased greatly on the earth, and the ark floated on the face of the waters. Gen 7:11, Gen 17-18

We might feel like God doesn’t love us when the flood comes, but that is a lie of the enemy. You were chosen in Him before the foundations of the world, He will bear you up in an ark and rescue you. You will be in the flood, but as a beloved child of the Most High God, you have nothing to fear.

Psalm 32:6-7 offers great encouragement:

Therefore let everyone who is godly
offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found;
surely in the rush of great waters,
they shall not reach him.
You are a hiding place for me;
you preserve me from trouble;
you surround me with shouts of deliverance.

Jesus is the ark. And you are not alone there. Just like Noah had his family, hopefully you have a community of gospel friends that God has been building into your life… you didn’t know you would need them, but He did. If you don’t have a network of friends who will help you fight for your faith, do all you can to plug in at church, get in a small bible study or prayer group. Noah wasn’t alone, and neither are you. The fountains of the deep are bursting forth, the flood is coming… but so is rescue. Don’t hide from the Lord, instead hide in the Lord.

I hope this has been encouraging for you. If you are suffering and in need of prayer you can email me or be bold and share in the comments. If you have a friend suffering pass this along to encourage them. Tell them you love them and are praying for them. It’s part of what the Church is for. As always, thanks for reading.

John 5 Part 2 – Scandalous

Posted on April 29, 2016Leave a comment

Jesus had a great habit of intentionally upsetting the status quo. The Jewish Sabbath started out in the deserts of Egypt as a much needed day of rest for the weary Jewish nation that had been delivered from the enslaving clutches of Pharaoh. As time went on and the temple sacrificial system was established the Sabbath was a time for the Jews to reflect on their sin and God’s provision to cover those sins by the blood of bulls, goats and lambs. By the time Jesus walked the earth the Sabbath had become a day of rule keeping. Don’t do this, and don’t do that. So instead of celebrating the lame man’s healing on the Sabbath, the Jews cling tighter to their rules and persecute Jesus, who came to be the ultimate Sabbath Lamb.

Who Do We Have Here?

First we have Jesus. And Jesus is always first. Last time we well established that he came seeking this man, like a lost sheep, to heal him.

Next we have the invalid man. We don’t know how old he was, but we are told in verse 5 that he was there for 38 years. Verse 4 (in some manuscripts) tell us that the people by the pool were “waiting for the moving of the water; for an angel of the Lord went down at certain seasons into the pool, and stirred the water: whoever stepped in first after the stirring of the water was healed of whatever disease he had.”

Then we have “the Jews.” This referred to the hardcore Jewish religious leaders, a.k.a. Pharisees, Sadducees, and Scribes, that were opposing Jesus in those days. They have very strong beliefs about their religion and the Sabbath rules. Their pride and legalism constantly blinded them to the truth of who Jesus was.

Breaking the Rules

And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked.
Now that day was the Sabbath. So the Jews said to the man who had been healed, “It is the Sabbath, and it is not lawful for you to take up your bed.” But he answered them, “The man who healed me, that man said to me, ‘Take up your bed, and walk.’” They asked him, “Who is the man who said to you, ‘Take up your bed and walk’?” (John 5:9-12)

This poor guy, just finally after 38 years of laying down, helpless, having to beg everyone else to do everything for him, stands up, picks up his bed, and walks… and gets pulled over for speeding!

Sabbath was a day of rest for the Jews, part of their covenant with God. They took it very seriously. God gave them one rule about it…

“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.” Exodus 20:8-11

The Jews were so bent on not breaking the Sabbath that they defined “work” with a list of their own rules in their own terms. The Talmud contains 39 categories of activity prohibited on the Sabbath. Even in current times they have so many systems in place to keep from breaking their own Sabbath rules, like elevators that stop at every floor so they don’t have to “work” by pushing a button. Despite continued modern observance of Sabbath rules, many have lost sight of the original purpose, a day to rest and trust in the Lord.

Sin no More

“Now the man who had been healed did not know who it was, for Jesus had withdrawn, as there was a crowd in the place. Afterward Jesus found him in the temple and said to him, “See, you are well! Sin no more, that nothing worse may happen to you.” John 5:13-14

Maybe it was this man’s sin that originally landed him on that mat for 38 years. Is a “sin no more” lifestyle even possible in our modern day? I honestly can’t even drive on the freeway without sinning. Here’s a couple of encouraging scriptures about this.

“What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.” Romans 6:1-4

That’s the amazing part of the Good News! 1 Cor 6:11 says,

“And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

It is from a position of security in the love of Christ, knowing that he has already cleansed us, that we can overcome the persistent sins in our lives.

Sabbath Scandal

“The man went away and told the Jews that it was Jesus who had healed him. And this was why the Jews were persecuting Jesus, because he was doing these things on the Sabbath.” John 5:15-16

The Sabbath they accused him of breaking was actually fulfilled by him. Colossians 2:16-17 tells us

Therefore let no one pass judgment on you in questions of food and drink, or with regard to a festival or a new moon or a Sabbath. These are a shadow of the things to come, but the substance belongs to Christ.

So how does Jesus answer these accusations from the Pharisees concerning the Sabbath?

“But Jesus answered them, “My Father is working until now, and I am working.” This was why the Jews were seeking all the more to kill him, because not only was he breaking the Sabbath, but he was even calling God his own Father, making himself equal with God.” John 5:17-18

After 38 years of rest Jesus’ words to the invalid were a call to trust that led to freedom. Sabbath rest is all about trusting that God is sovereign and will provide all we need as we rest in Him. Jesus is our Sabbath, so we can stop “working” at being so good, like the pharisees and just be in Christ.

Who are we in this miracle account? The lame man, waiting for a touch from Jesus? Healed and whole, walking in freedom? The religious rules lawyers that look down our noses in anger and people who don’t worship God exactly the way we do? Pray today and ask God to show you where there might be a tendency toward legalism in your heart, then confess and spend some time thanking Jesus for fulfilling all of the law that you couldn’t.

As always, thank you for reading. Share this with someone you know needs encouragement. And I’d love to hear from you, feel free to leave a comment below.

What’s so “Good” About Good Friday?

Posted on March 25, 20162 Comments

I remember as a kid, going to the Mission San Luis Rey in Oceanside, CA for Easter Mass with my family. I always loved the stained glass panels, the smooth, well worn wood of the pews, the slight tang of incense that never completely dissipates. The statues always intrigued me the most. There was of course Mary, robed in blue and white, with a look of absolute serenity beaming down on me.

There was one statue that always haunted me though. It’s of Christ just before he goes to the cross, beaten, bloody, hands tied, with a crown of thorns on his head and a deep red velvet robe draped over his shoulders. It’s called “Ecco Homo”, the latin words for what Pontius Pilate said after Jesus had been scourged, “Behold the Man.”

I’m not Catholic anymore, but I look forward to “Good Friday” service at the church I’m part of every year because when I really focus my mind on that image, the broken Christ, something amazing happens. The goodness of God is exposed. Might sound kinda crazy but let me explain with a little Bible Q & A.

If God is so good then why was Jesus, his anointed one, so badly treated?

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. Romans 5:6-11

Who really was this Jesus?

He is more beautiful than I was ever told as a child. His life was one of love, passion and mercy. He was unique in all that exists. Not created but the Creator Himself. Not just a mere man, but the embodiment of God’s goodness to mankind.

He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. Col 1:15-20

What’s so “Good” about Good Friday?

What does the cross give us?
Righteousness
Reconciliation
Forgiveness
Justification
Freedom
Adoption
Love
Hope
Peace
Eternal Life
Resurrection
Holy Spirit
Mercy
Grace

What does the cross take away?
Shame
Condemnation
Separation
Wrath
Spiritual Deadness
Hopelessness
Punishment
Sin
Death
Fear

Jesus loves me this I know…

So Jesus again said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. All who came before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep. And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd. For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life that I may take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This charge I have received from my Father.” John 10:7-18

Sunday’s Comin!

But today we focus in on the cross. In the hero’s journey it’s the moment when all hope seems lost. It’s the thick darkness that comes before the dawn. It’s the one who was supposed to rescue us all and save the day, dead. The apostles were scattered and afraid. They watched their best friend and mentor die.

He was oppressed, and he was afflicted,
yet he opened not his mouth;
like a lamb that is led to the slaughter,
and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent,
so he opened not his mouth. Isa 53:7

It’s the King of Kings, led like a lamb to be slaughtered, silent before his shearers. He is the Good Shepherd AND the Lamb that takes away the sin of the world. He did it all for love, and all for your sins and mine.

Our humanity says the hero doesn’t die… the hero rallies, stands up, finishes his fight and saves the day. Jesus wasn’t just interested in saving the day, but rather in saving you and me. That meant going all the way into death so he could fight death from the other side and rise again!

Today “Behold the Man,” knowing that you are his joy.

“…looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Heb 12:2

I hope this has encouraged you. I’d love for you to share in the comments what the cross of Christ has given you and what it has taken away.

John 4 Part 2 – Objection!

Posted on January 25, 2016Leave a comment

“Negasaurus” is a word we like to use jokingly to describe someone who is being negative. It’s a play on a dinosaur name. When one of my sons has an idea and the other one shoots it down… Negasaurus! When we all agree on where to eat but one objects… Negasaurus! When one of us is down on ourselves and we need cheering up… Negasaurus! “Negatron” also gets thrown around a fair bit. Having sons, it’s a play on “Megatron” from the ever popular Transformers. We totally discourage “name-calling,” but these family “inside jokes” are a lighthearted way for us to let each other know we may need an attitude adjustment.

In this conversation with the Samaritan woman at the well we see her throw many objections at Jesus. She is a first-class “Negasaurus.” But Jesus doesn’t give up on her. He sticks around and answers all her objections.

John 4:7-14

7 A woman from Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink.”
8 (For his disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.)
9 The Samaritan woman said to him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.)
10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.”
11 The woman said to him, “Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water?
12 Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock.”
13 Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again,
14 but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Jesus says, “Give me a drink.”

Her objection

Jews don’t talk to Samaritans

Such a simple request from a thirsty man. Why does it seem she replies so harshly? She’s basically saying “Are you talking to me?” This woman has a serious mental block about a Jewish Rabbi asking her for a drink. She already knows what John parenthesized for us in verse 9, that Jews have no dealings with Samaritans. In an extreme form of religious snobbery, devout Jews would walk miles out of their way, through the Jordan Valley, to avoid contact with the Samaritans. Jews believed the Samaritans were in a constant state of “uncleanness” because they were descendants of the Northern tribes of Israel that intermarried with the pagan Assyrians after their captivity in 721 B.C. Not fully Jew, not fully Gentile, they were half-breed relics of history.

His answer

“If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.”

Living water? What is that? Maybe her mind went to Jeremiah 17:13 which says, “O LORD, the hope of Israel, all who forsake you shall be put to shame; those who turn away from you shall be written in the earth, for they have forsaken the LORD, the fountain of living water.” Maybe not, as it seems she has a few more objections coming. She seems a little confused, so she asks him “Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock.”

Her Objections

You have nothing to draw water with and the well is deep.
Where is the living water?
Are you greater than Jacob?
This well is our inheritance from Jacob.

The well was indeed at least 100′ deep and possibly even deeper in that day. She knows in order to get herself, let alone this Jewish Rabbi, a drink she’s winding a long, long, long rope, and all she sees is his empty hands. Then she even challenges him. “Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock.” So her question is one of authority. She has this national pride. It’s almost like she’s questioning Jesus heritage in light of her own. The Jews might claim Abraham as their father but in her mind this well, being given to them by the Patriarch Jacob, gives them the authority to inhabit the place. But the answer to her question is yes, he is in fact greater than Jacob. Jesus addresses this later in the conversation so we’ll catch up on that next time.

His Answer

“Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Her authority is coming from the Law, the old covenant made between the Lord and the Patriarchs, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. When we live our lives trying to please God with our own self-righteousness by the law we will continue to thirst. I might be righteous by the law for a second, but the whole job of the law and the old sacrificial system is to show me I can’t be righteous. “For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it.” James 2:10

Here Jesus is expressing the new covenant… Grace. We can only break free of the condemnation of the law when we drink the “living water.” It is grace that tells us only Jesus takes away our sin and failure to uphold the law perfectly. Then we are finally free to stop our Negasaurus objections and have true peace with God. And that freedom and peace bubbles over, becomes like Jesus said, a spring of water welling up to eternal life… giving the grace of God generously to everyone around us.

Living Water

If you could have living water, and never be thirsty again, and by thirsty I mean knocked down, drug out, soul weary, what would you give for it? Turns out it doesn’t cost money, but humility. We must ask and believe. Jesus repeats his “living water” offer later. In John 7:38 Jesus actually quotes proverbs 18:4 and says, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’” John defines that “living water” for us in 7:39 saying “Now this he said about the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were to receive, for as yet the Spirit had not been given, because Jesus was not yet glorified.”

Christians shouldn’t be rules lawyers, like the Pharisees, but rather “living water” drinkers. And that living water doesn’t stagnate but flows in and through our lives. There’s only one well that gives “living water.” Jesus.

Isaiah 12

This beautiful song is a powerful promise of the coming Savior. We see the grace of God, the well of salvation, and the only God worthy of our worship.

You will say in that day:
‘I will give thanks to you, O Lord,
for though you were angry with me,
your anger turned away,
that you might comfort me.
Behold, God is my salvation;
I will trust, and will not be afraid;
for the Lord God is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation.
With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. And you will say in that day:
‘Give thanks to the Lord,
call upon his name,
make known his deeds among the peoples,
proclaim that his name is exalted.’
Sing praises to the Lord, for he has done gloriously;
let this be made known in all the earth.
Shout, and sing for joy, O inhabitant of Zion,
for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel.

Next Time

As always, thanks for reading and I hope you were encouraged, Next time we’ll cut to the heart of the issue as Jesus calls her out on sin and then reveals himself as the Messiah sent to save her from those very sins.

Psalm 107 Part 5 – Business as Usual

Posted on October 8, 2015Leave a comment

Sometimes life is just business as usual. We get in the groove of family, work, church, weekend fun. We’ve seen the mighty works of God, but then we drift, ever so slightly, into self sufficiency. A kind of “what have you done for me lately?” attitude toward God. We feel like He’s busy somewhere else, taking care of other people, you know, widows, orphans, little kids with cancer, He must have left the 99 to go after another lost sheep, so I better get to work. I better work harder because this American Dream thing, well, it’s all on me. Nobody’s gonna just hand me a million dollars so I better pull up my bootstraps and get the job done. I’ve got mouths to feed and bills to pay, I’ve got it all under control… This is a very dangerous heart condition for the Christian.

And then crisis hits. Some big looming craziness that comes out of nowhere and threatens our lifestyle, peace and comfort. It brings a desperate kind of fear that sharpens our focus to a narrow pinpoint. The storm becomes all we can see. And we become desperate not to shipwreck.

Psalm 107:23-32

Some went down to the sea in ships, doing business on the great waters; they saw the deeds of the LORD, his wondrous works in the deep. For he commanded and raised the stormy wind, which lifted up the waves of the sea. They mounted up to heaven; they went down to the depths; their courage melted away in their evil plight; they reeled and staggered like drunken men and were at their wits’ end. Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and he brought them to their desired haven. Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! Let them extol him in the congregation of the people, and praise him in the assembly of the elders.

This psalm describes it so well, “their courage melted away… they reeled and staggered… and were at their wits end.” Have you ever been there friend? I definitely have… When I was 16 and found out I was pregnant, and later when my fiance and I split up and all I could see was a lifetime as a single mom. When my oldest son was hospitalized with asthma/pneumonia, watching him fight for every breath. All the times the bank account was empty and the bills were due. We become distressed even seeing the calamities of our country… 9/11, Columbine, Katrina, drug addiction and homelessness, and among our friends and families, deaths, affairs and diseases. Not to mentions the wars and crises of the world, AIDS, starvation, malaria, ISIS, human sex trafficking, Syrian refugees… Soul melting, heart shattering tragedies. Our world is so broken. We feel so helpless and out of control. The question then becomes who really is in control?

The description of the storm in this psalm amazes me. Where did it come from? Verse 25 tells us, “For He (God) commanded and raised the stormy wind…” There’s this tension all through scripture between the sovereignty of God and the choice of humans. He uses trials to build character in us, to teach us to trust him. We irrationally try to save ourselves, we believe we have control and are unwilling to let go. But we must let go. God doesn’t command us to stop the storm, but he does command us to pray and put our hope and trust in Him.

James 5:13-18 says,

Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth. Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit.

In Matthew 8 and Mark 4 Christ commands storms just like God does in this psalm. It is a clear demonstration of Jesus’ infinite power and Godhead. Not only does he command demons and disease, but the very essence of all creation. Jesus was more than a prophet. He didn’t just pray and ask God to still the storm, like when Elijah prayed that it wouldn’t rain and then it didn’t rain. Jesus spoke directly to the storms. He didn’t just pray for God to raise Lazarus from the dead, he called him from the grave with the very words of his own mouth. He has all authority. He is in control.

So many people believe that another person will be their salvation so they worship them, devoting their lives and happiness to someone who will ultimately fail them, whether it be a spouse, friend, pastor, entertainer, sports person, job or even their own talents and abilities… We worship the least capable things. While God desires for us to be in relationships and Gospel community He never intended those things to be our “safety net.” Not only are they incapable of saving us, we must also understand that it is impossible for us to be anyone else’s savior.

Do you think when the ship in this psalm landed safely they credited their survival to their skills as sailors? Did they themselves hush the storm? Do you think they took any credit at all for the outcome? No way! They cried out to the LORD (aka “prayed”) and He delivered them! They saw the mercy, glory and power of God in the relenting of the storm. Did God need to save them for the sake of his glory? Nope. But I love how Matt Chandler puts it, “God is infinitely powerful and deeply personal.” He actually does save us for the sake of His glory. He wants us to proclaim His glory among the nations. His infinite power and steadfast love is what makes him a personal savior. When we witness his infinite power within our own personal lives we take no credit for our own salvation. We cry out to the LORD and He delivers us. Our only reasonable response is to fall on our faces in worship. This psalm encourages us to “be glad… thank the LORD… and praise him in the assembly.” No one else is worthy of our worship.

The one storm that never relented was the cup of God’s wrath toward sin, poured out to the last drop on Jesus at the cross. He took the crashing blows to rescue us from the ultimate shipwreck of hell and eternity apart from God, to bring us safely to the Father in heaven, then he rose from death to qualify us for adoption and prepare us for resurrection and eternal life.

Are you in a storm right now? Take heart! All storms have a beginning, middle and end. Even if you are suffering a relationship breakdown or chronic illness, and if God chooses not to fix it this side of heaven, know that his grace is sufficient for you and his power is made perfect in your weakness. And your last day here will be the end of your storm, then you’ll wake up in heaven, more alive than ever, having been brought by Jesus to your desired haven. In the meantime, continue to press into the Gospel and pray.

In 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 Paul encourages

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Where has your life and christian walk become business as usual? Where are you squeezing control of your life and circumstances in a death grip? Have you drifted into self sufficiency even though you’ve previously seen the mighty works of God? Let this Psalm be a gospel lense you look through to see yourself and your savior more clearly. The best time to prepare for a storm is not in the middle of it but before it hits. You’ve never been able to save yourself. Root yourself deeply in the Gospel, know with assurance that God delights to be with you in the storm and ultimately see you through to the safe haven. In fact, Jesus is the safe haven.

PSALM 107 PART 4 – FOOLISH IDOLATRY & REDEMPTION JOY

Posted on October 8, 2015Leave a comment

In my last post I laid myself bare. The sin I fell in, the sin I walked in, the sin I reveled in. Because of these things I became a captive. Though I was a child of God I lived foolishly, according to my own selfish desires, until I ultimately reached a breaking point. Rock bottom as many put it. The thing I failed to see back then that I recognize now was what God was testing in my heart. Though I loved God and knew He loved me, the problem I had was ultimately a worship problem. Idolatry.

Psalm 107:17-22

Some were fools through their sinful ways, and because of their iniquities suffered affliction; they loathed any kind of food, and they drew near to the gates of death. Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He sent out his word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction. Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! And let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving, and tell of his deeds in songs of joy!

When God led the Isrealites to Mt. Sinai in the wilderness to give them His law they were breaking the first commandment before it even came down written in stone. In their foolishness they begged for something to worship, then made an idol,a golden calf, and worshipped that while the living God himself was just up the hill.

In verse 19 of this psalm God delivers His people when they cry out, and verse 20 tells us the means by which He did so. He sent His word. It doesn’t say they obeyed his word, but that He sent it and that it healed them and delivered them. Wow. Powerful.

At that time in my life I ate and drank the word of God like a baby hungry for milk. I was spiritually sick and broken and it was my medicine. It was sweet to me and I couldn’t get enough. It was the living water of the word that began healing my self inflicted sin wounds, washing away guilt and shame, teaching me to worship in spirit and in truth.

God, in his divine irony, also brought me an unforeseen love. I wasn’t looking for it, but as I began spending more time with my best friend I got to know her brother even better. I had already known him for years and he’d seen the worst I had been through. We would all hang out and play board games on Saturday nights then meet at church on Sunday and have coffee after. My best friend’s brother was shy and good and humble. He loved the Lord and the word and his family. Tough on the outside but tenderhearted and funny. A big difference from the other “bad boys” I had dated. However, the enemy taunted me, how could a good Christian boy like that ever love a broken, used up, single mom like me? He was already a good friend and if something went wrong I could lose him and my best friend too.

He and I started having long email conversations throughout the week and then we would cautiously flirt on game night. I began praying and asking God if there was a possible relationship with him. The more I prayed the clearer it became. Not an exact directive from the Lord, I knew the choice would ultimately be mine, but I saw God showing me safe haven. That I could have a healthy, Godly relationship. Another chance. Grace to start new. And that if I chose it He would give me the desires of my heart.

One summer night he and I had a long, honest conversation. We found out we had both been praying about each other. We talked about what our future might look like if we started dating… Marriage… Probably… Family… Possibly if the Lord wills it… Life… Together… The very next day, my 21st birthday, he told me he loved me.

I didn’t know how to be the woman I should be but I knew I never wanted to be the prodigal I had been. It’s been 17 years since that night and we’ve never looked back. On our 6 month dating anniversary he proposed and a year and a half later, after he graduated from college, we got married. When we started dating he was a virgin, and only by the grace of God was he a virgin until our wedding night. He insisted that our love would be stronger without sex. It wasn’t that he didn’t “want to,” but rather that he knew he could love me without that and I think he knew I needed to learn how to love without that as well.

This is part of my redemption story. That God would give a woman like me a man like him. My husband so boldly demonstrated Gods love in my life by loving me when I didn’t deserve it. Loving me despite my broken places. He knew my past. He knew my baggage. He loved me anyways. He loved my daughter as well.

We can’t use other people to make us happy. We can try, but it is foolishness, selfishness and idolatry. We end up wrecking ourselves and others. God’s word says true love is giving our lives for one another, not taking as much as we can from each other to get our own needs met or feel happy. When we build each other up in the word we gain true Godly wisdom, selflessly serving each other instead of the self serving foolishness of trying to get our own comfort at each other’s expense. This applies in dating, marriage, with kids, with our parents and pastors and bosses too. It’s drinking deep of the word of God that heals us. Then in our gratefulness we share our joy, we can turn around and say, “My soul is well! How can I help your soul know the love of God today?”

Psalm 107 Part 3 – Captivity & the Shadow of Death

Posted on February 9, 2015Leave a comment

We continue with part 3 of our look at Psalm 107, The Captives. This is the hardest part of my testimony to share, it’s me at my worst, it’s the lies I believed and the sin I let myself have, but because of God’s work in my life through these things it gets Him the most Glory. Sometimes we think we are isolated in our struggles, but if you have struggled through any of these things please know that there is hope. The sins that we think disqualify us to be Christians are the very sins that Christ died for, covered with his own blood and then rose from the dead to set us captives free!

Psalm 107:10-16

Some sat in darkness and in the shadow of death, prisoners in affliction and in irons, for they had rebelled against the words of God, and spurned the counsel of the Most High. So he bowed their hearts down with hard labor; they fell down, with none to help. Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst their bonds apart. Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he shatters the doors of bronze and cuts in two the bars of iron.

To quote one of my favorite pastors, James MacDonald, “When God says don’t, He means don’t hurt yourself.” Who are these prisoners? Captives of consequence. Bound in chains to the circumstances brought on because they “rebelled against the words of God, and spurned the counsel of the Most High.” God never sent a consequence to his people that he did not first warn them about. Have you ever ignored good advice? Have you ever made up in your own mind that your way is the best way regardless of what anyone says? Have you ever let yourself be led off into sin because it was easier, more fun or more pleasurable than doing what is right? I have!

For example, when we were youngsters and our parents taught us not to touch a hot stove. The conversation in our mind might go something like this…

‘Mom says I will burn my hand but what does that actually mean? A burn can’t possibly be what she says it is. In fact I want to touch the stove because I think it will be good for me and she wouldn’t want to keep something good away from me. I think when mom says don’t touch the stove she’s trying to have all the fun herself. I just want to be like mom. She touches the stove every day and it doesn’t hurt her. If I just touch the stove my parents will see how good it is for me. They are wrong and I am right and now I must show them that… Waaaaaaaaaa! What is this PAIN???!!! It’s the end of the world! I’m going to die! I wish I had obeyed! I never would have felt this PAIN! Why didn’t they MAKE me obey? It’s their fault I’m in this pain. Life will never be the same again. Waaaaaaa!’

And here comes mom with the burn cream. Crying, heartbroken. Her precious little one is in PAIN. They did their best to keep the little one on the right path but some children must “learn the hard way.” Even though the child hurt themselves in disobedience the parents come to the child’s rescue, doing everything possible to aid in the healing and restoration of that child. In time the wound will heal but that burn will leave a scar. A reminder of a lesson in obedience, mercy and love.

God is no different. Many people think God is angry in the Old Testament and forgiving in the new, but the Bible reveals to us that He was a loving and merciful Father from before the foundation of the world. And in His love He warns us… In proverbs 14:12 and 16:25 “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.” It was that way from the beginning.

Consider Genesis 3:1-13

Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.'” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

Temptation. Deception. A liar from the beginning. Satan using Gods word in a twisted way to convince us that we can meet a spiritual need in a physical way. This indeed leads to death. And when sin doesn’t lead to the “freedom” we want we blame anyone and anything but ourselves.

My Captivity

Shortly after I gave my heart to Jesus I fell into sexual sin with the boy who had invited me to that concert I got saved at. (I share that in my previous post.) When I asked him, “Doesn’t God say this kind of stuff is wrong?” His answer was that we were in love and God would want us to feel good together. My raging hormones didn’t put up much of a fight. But after a couple of months I felt awful. Then I found out from another mutual friend that he had bragged about being with me. At that point in my very short Christian walk I didn’t know much about repentance but I knew I needed to end the relationship and get away from him. I asked my mom in January if she could start taking me to a local Calvary Chapel.

I was wary of high school boys so instead of going to youth group I sat in church with all the “grown ups.” I loved it! There was fun worship music and good bible teaching. My mom and my brother got saved right away. Over time my dad saw such a difference in our lives he eventually got saved too. He did continue to struggle with alcoholism for 10 more years, but finally surrendered to God. My parents story is a crazy amazing example of the grace and mercy of God. Click here to read their testimony, how my mom stayed with him, prayed for him, and now he’s been sober for 10 years and has served in Drug and Alcohol ministry and men’s ministry, helping others find freedom and God’s grace for daily living. It still blows me away.

In the meantime I met a friend who was into drugs. It started as innocent fun and I tried a bunch of different stuff with her, but to make a long story short my drug of choice was meth. I had God and church but no real close Christian friends so I just let myself be led away… I began living a double life. I was using drugs and smoking cigarettes, constantly angry at my dad for all the drinking and turmoil at home. But I still maintained the good church girl image… For a while.

I met another boy, a Christian boy. He confronted me about the drugs, said he came from a similar background, and he helped me get clean. Then we got involved sexually too. I would wrestle with God in prayer. Why can’t I just be good? Why do I keep messing up and giving in?

In Romans 7:15 Paul aptly describes this struggle,

“For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”

I can’t exactly recall how but for some reason we thought it would be fun to have an 8ball for my birthday that year. (1/8 of an ounce or 3.5 grams of speed.) We decided we would use together just that one time and never again. And you can already tell where this is going.

It was my junior year of HS. I was 16 now. My boyfriend was a senior, 18. My parents didn’t like him but we were in love and it was serious. We fell into this terrible double life together. We would repent and be good for a while then we would slip, into drugs or bed or both. I was using meth as a weight loss aid, along with an eating disorder. I had terrible self image and struggled with my weight since I was about 12. On meth I didn’t eat. When the meth ran out I would eat and purge. After months of that the girl in the mirror looked skinny but I still felt fat And generally worthless. It was a slow suicide, but it was mine. I believed that my sin wasn’t hurting anyone else… Until I found out in February of 1994 that I was pregnant.

We got clean. I stopped throwing up. I started eating and sleeping again. I believe 100% that God in his providence used that pregnancy to save my life. If it weren’t for my daughter I would be dead.

One of the worst days of my life was the day I told my parents I was pregnant. My mom literally didn’t speak to me for three weeks. The next worst was when we told our pastor. My boyfriend had asked me to marry him. It was such an emotional roller coaster. My plans for college and my ideal future crumbled before my eyes. But the thought of being married and being a family made me feel so happy. We started going to the pre-marriage class through our church. My boyfriend was going to graduate and get a good job and save up some money so we could have a little wedding and get our own place. I couldn’t wait to get away from my parents.

You know the sound Velcro makes when you separate it? Little by little my boyfriend started pulling away. When our daughter was about 3 months old he tried to break up with me. I didn’t let him. I didn’t understand at the time but I was so co-dependent. I freaked out and kept showing up with our baby. I really wouldn’t take no for an answer. He stayed with me but we ended up getting back into the wrong crowd and using and partying again. We were horrible together but I was so afraid to lose him. I was still captive. I was still trying to make physical things fix my spiritual needs.

Shortly after our daughters first birthday I left him. He had made life miserable. He became so distant and apathetic. He had moved in with one of his friends that hated me. I never felt welcome there. He would go out and party but by then I was working full time and still living at home. I sought solace in the word of God and found myself falling more and more in love with Jesus and realizing how much fear of responsibility my boyfriend had. I knew that we just were not going to end up together.

I was ok for a while. I knew God had something better for me. But over the next three years I had several relationships. All them involved sexual or drug sin in one way or another. I was still in darkness and rebellion, in chains. Captive. Still trying to fill my emptiness with things that could not truly satisfy. I questioned if I was even saved.

In January of ’98 I finally surrendered. I was so broken and empty. I felt God calling to me, like He did to Adam and Eve in the garden, “Where are you?” I finally stopped hiding from God. Laid my heart bare before Him. I gave up on trying to make myself free and let God break those chains. I cried out to God, begging for His will in my life because I was making such a radical mess of everything myself. It got better. Little by little. I became free. The freedom was not in having the sin I wanted, but in finally letting it go.

I sat in darkness and in the shadow of death, a prisoner in affliction and in irons, for I had rebelled against the words of God, and spurned the counsel of the Most High. So he bowed my heart down with hard labor; I fell down, with none to help. Then I cried to the LORD in my trouble, and he delivered me from distress. He brought me out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst my bonds apart. I thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he shatters the doors of bronze and cuts in two the bars of iron.

Galatians 5:16-25 makes an important contrast.

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.

My walk with Jesus has been a slow trek. There is no way to rush Christian maturity and there is never an end to our sanctification process in this life. But God, in His great love and mercy, adopts us as His children and then teaches us, patiently, how to crawl, then stand, then walk, then fight, then fly. This is the definition of Sanctification. As we strive to keep in step with the Spirit we often stumble in the process but He never kicks us when we’re down. He uses us to help each other. We are blind to our own failings, we need each other. We need to let ourselves be humbled so that we can see how much He truly loves us and let Him bring the freedom we so desperately desire.

Next up in Psalm 107, The Prisoners and the next part of my testimony. How God redeemed the worst of me.

Thanks for reading.

Psalm 107 Part 2 – The Wanderers & Giving Thanks

Posted on November 27, 2014Leave a comment

Our walk through Psalm 107 continues with Part 2, the Wanderers. I also share my conversion experience and some of the events leading up to it. It is important to look back, to remember why I am who I am today. I am an adopted daughter of God by grace alone through faith alone. And sometimes I take that for granted. I really want to take this time to thank God for His steadfast love and the miraculous things He has done in my life. I once was lost but now I’m found and it’s the thing I’m most thankful for.

Psalm 107:4-9

Some wandered in desert wastes, finding no way to a city to dwell in; hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted within them. Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straight way till they reached a city to dwell in. Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.

Verses 4-9 tell us a general story about some folks wandering in the desert. Their situation gets so desperate. They have no homes, no food, no water and no hope. They cried out to God and he delivered them. He led them home. He proved his love for them not only by providing physical security but he satisfied the deepest longing and hunger of their souls. They were so thankful they made sure the next generation, the children of men, knew all about it.

What does it mean to wander? The Dictionary.com app (Websters) lists many definitions, but here are just a couple:
1. to ramble without a definite purpose or objective
2. to go aimlessly, indirectly, or casually; meander
3. to extend in an irregular course or direction

This passage doesn’t tell us how these folks ended up in the desert, just that they were wandering there. The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years. The amazing thing is that it was God himself, by way of deliverance through Moses, who led them into the wilderness. Often I wonder why God does something, and many times there are no answers, but there are a couple of scriptures that tell us exactly why God led them into the desert.

Exodus 13:17-18 tells us

When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them by way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near. For God said, “Lest the people change their minds when they see war and return to Egypt.” But God led the people around by the way of the wilderness toward the Red Sea. And the people of Israel went up out of the land of Egypt equipped for battle.

It seems like God led them on a hard path to protect them from something worse. He did this because he knew the fear in their hearts. The Philistines were an enemy that they were not prepared for yet and if they had returned to Egypt pharaoh would have been shooting fish in a barrel. Is it possible God took them through a lesser trial to prepare them for a greater trial later? Probably. Do lesser trials seem lesser at the time? Not really.

Exodus 14:1-4

Then the LORD said to Moses, “Tell the people of Israel to turn back and encamp in front of Pi-hahiroth, between Migdol and the sea, in front of Baal-zephon; you shall encamp facing it, by the sea. For Pharaoh will say of the people of Israel, ‘They are wandering in the land; the wilderness has shut them in.’ And I will harden Pharaoh’s heart, and he will pursue them, and I will get glory over Pharaoh and all his host, and the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD.” And they did so.

Why did God put their backs against the proverbial wall? Did you catch it? To get glory over the enemy. To display his absolute providence in the affairs of man and to show his people that despite their lack of faith he keeps his promises.

We all know what happens next. I encourage you to read Exodus 14. The details of this account are so incredible. God made a straight path where there was no path. Then in Exodus 15 is their song of triumph. Like Psalm 107:8 says, they praised God and his wonderous works and his steadfast love to themselves and their children.

Later, when they needed water he led them to the oasis, then when they needed food he rained down daily bread from heaven. When they refused to enter the promised land because of fear he still took care of them for 40 years in the desert, leading and providing everything they needed. Even their shoes didn’t wear out. He waited for the right time when the next generation, the little children who had come through the Red Sea, were grown and ready for the battles ahead.

Deuteronomy 8:2-3 tells us WHY

And you shall remember the whole way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.

Sound familiar? The last half of verse 3 is what Jesus quoted in Matthew 4:4 to Satan who tempted him to make bread from stones after the Spirit had led him to the wilderness for 40 days of fasting.

The wilderness times in our lives are an opportunity, not to starve, but to see the mighty hand of God deliver us. He humbles us. He lets us hunger. Then he feeds us. Why? To make us know that physical bread isn’t the only thing we need. To make us know that we can’t meet our spiritual needs with physical things.

Here’s a glimpse into the wilderness of my youth and how God saved me at age 15.

I was raised in the Roman Catholic Church. I know there are some awesome Catholic’s out there who know and love the Lord, but it wasn’t that way for me. I was baptized as an infant, went to catholic school, catechism classes, learned all the rules, memorized the Our Father, said the fastest Hail Mary this side of the Rockies, received my first communion, went to confession (a lot), and still had no idea why Jesus mattered.

I remember most Sunday’s sitting in the pew next to my mom and spinning her wedding ring round and round her finger, watching the light glint off the diamonds while the priest droned on in the background. If I misbehaved my dad would take me outside and make me face the wall. He admitted to me in recent years that it was as much a relief for him as it was a punishment for me. I did like the songs and the stained glass. I loved the statues, Mary, and St. Francis, always looking so holy and peaceful. But church was what we did on Sunday with no more mention of God during the week except for fish stick Fridays during lent.

I met my own personal wilderness when I was 14. I was very close to my grandma on my mom’s side. Grandma Z. She was tough but fun. She babysat me a lot when I was little. Then later when I was a pre-teen she would stay the night with us in my room. It was like a sleep over, we would talk and giggle. We played gin rummy and sometimes after my bath she would rub Nivea lotion into my little arms and legs. She was one of my best friends. But she was sick. As I watched her health declining I prayed, really the only time I remember praying something I hadn’t memorized. I knew she was going to die but I would beg God to let her live till I was 16.

A couple months after my 14th birthday she went into a care facility and never made it back out. It was my freshman year of high school, almost Thanksgiving. I was under a heavy load of full honors, AP/IB college prep classes. I went numb. I stopped doing homework. I would sit in the back of class and try to pay attention but if I wasn’t crying I would make myself fall asleep to escape the grief that was eating my soul. I was mad at God. How could he just take her away from me like that? The whole family started making excuses to not go to church. It was a busy season. Dad was golfing more and drinking more, mom was dealing with the grief of her mom passing in her own way, and my little brother was a typical nuisance. Somehow we all made it through the holidays, then just before Easter Grandpa B, my dad’s dad, passed away, ironically from alcoholism complications. Life went pretty quickly to hell after that.

I dressed in Sunday best for Easter, we all went to mass with my Grandma B, put on smiles and choked down communion. But I felt dead inside. It was the last communion I would partake of until later after God saved me. My dad’s drinking really escalated after that. He managed to hang on to his job but was drinking every night and binge drinking away nearly every weekend. My mom’s way of escaping his madness was to take us kids out shopping. One of the things she would never deny me was books. I used that to my advantage and had her buying me books on alternative spirituality and the occult. It was something I had already been into and at that time I gave myself to it completely. Astrology, eastern meditation, astral projection, Ouigi, dream control and interpretation, Tarot card reading, crystals. I bought into it all. I even had an incense altar to the Goddess in my room that I hid from my parents. I became a pagan, a witch.

I was wandering in the wilderness, so hungry and thirsty, desperate for love and power, some scrap of control in my life that felt so out of control. The more spirituality I tried to stuff into my soul the emptier I became. I started looking for a coven to join.

One day a concerned friend asked me if I had ever accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and savior. My answer to that was “I know all about God, I was baptized and went to church enough. I’m a good person.” I remember seeing Jesus at the Mission every Christmas at mass. There was the typical nativity, but there was always this one huge statue of him all bloody hanging on the cross. It actually kind of freaked me out. But she invited me to a youth group event and I decided to go, wondering if maybe there was something I missed.

People there were happy, welcoming, and having fun. So much different than my previous church experiences. She asked if I would like to go to bible study sometime. I was still very skeptical, a proclaimed agnostic, but I found myself agreeing to go. Over the next couple of months I went every week and though I was mostly confused I was also drawn in. I really wanted to understand what they were talking about.

On October 20th 1992 I went to a big Christian music concert at Kit Carson park in Escondido. The only reason my folks let me go was because it was sponsored by a local church. I went with one of my guy friends and his group of buddies. It was incredible. So many people. Awesome music. Lots of moshing and head banging. Then, after “Die Happy” but before the headliners “The Crucified”, a guy got up and gave his testimony. He talked about the fences we build in our hearts. How we want to know God but we want to stay safe so we just sit on the fence without choosing one side or the other. I felt like he was talking only to me! In that moment my heart burst wide open, I didn’t want to be mad at God anymore! I didn’t want to be lost and empty anymore! Hot tears rolled down my cold cheeks in the dark, in the crowd. He invited anyone who wanted to know Jesus to come to the stage for prayer. I ran. I think I was the second or third kid up there out of maybe 30 or so. It was bright and loud… We all went to a grassy area at the side of the stage where they gave us a copy of the New Testament and we prayed.

My friends were so excited. The guy who had invited me to that concert invited me to go to church with him the next Sunday. I started getting up really early on Sunday’s to go and my folks thought I was crazy. I kept going to the weekly bible study with my other friend and was amazed at how much more sense the bible made. I felt like things were going to get better. I started doing better in school. I felt like I had a future again.

I wandered in desert wastes, finding no way to a city to dwell in; hungry and thirsty, my soul fainted within me. Then I cried to the LORD in my trouble, and he delivered me from my distress. He led me by a straight way till I reached a city to dwell in. I will thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.

Do you remember when He saved you? I’d love to hear about it, feel free to share in the comments.