miracle – Smallchelle

Light

Posted on June 11, 2016Leave a comment

I often wonder why we use physical terms to describe feelings and emotions. I was thinking about light and dark a lot this week, in both physical and metaphysical expression. What is light? Is it the absence of darkness? What is darkness? Is it merely the absence of light? Is it proper to define a thing by the absence of its opposite? Is it possible to be light-hearted and dark-hearted at the same time? Is there some sort of shadow-heart in between?

What is the real relationship between darkness and light in the life of the believer? God often uses physical things to model and explain spiritual truths. Here are a few verses to meditate on today as you think about “light” and “darkness.” Where does the light come from? How does the light overcome the darkness? How do I live in the light?

In the Beginning

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.
And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. And God saw that the light was good. And God separated the light from the darkness.God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day. Genesis 1:3-5

God created all things. Best of all, He created us and lets us enjoy his creation. Without light, the light of the sun specifically, there would be no life. If the earth was just a little closer to to the sun we would scorch the earth with unbearable heat and just a little farther away the earth would be a frozen wasteland. It is astronomically improbable for there to be life on the earth, and yet here we are.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1:1-5

John is speaking here of Jesus as the light. Darkness is in fact the partial or total absence of light, while light is itself a thing, measured as waves or particles. That is why the darkness cannot overcome light. The fact that we have visible light and a means to see it, gives us incredible insight into why Jesus called himself “the light of the world” and later called his disciple “the light of the world.”

In the Middle

The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. John 1:9-13

“And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.” John 3:18-20

Light represents good and darkness represents wickedness and evil. Thieves wear black and work in the dark to hide their evil deeds. Angels wear white, brides wear white representing purity. Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 11:14 that even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. This is why as Christians we must understand and discern the difference between darkness and light.

In the End

And I saw no temple in the city, for its temple is the Lord God the Almighty and the Lamb. And the city has no need of sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and its lamp is the Lamb. By its light will the nations walk, and the kings of the earth will bring their glory into it, and its gates will never be shut by day—and there will be no night there. They will bring into it the glory and the honor of the nations. But nothing unclean will ever enter it, nor anyone who does what is detestable or false, but only those who are written in the Lamb’s book of life. Revelation 21:22-27

No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and his servants will worship him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever. Revelation 22:3-5

We currently have the Sun as our main source of visible light, but we only see it half the time. The rest is this thing called night. Again, the absence of light. What a great future we have to look forward to. The Lord God will be our light, no shadow anywhere. Pure goodness and glory at every moment. Never again having the fear of what hides in the dark or the darkness within ourselves.

See the Light

As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him. We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day; night is coming, when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” Having said these things, he spit on the ground and made mud with the saliva. Then he anointed the man’s eyes with the mud and said to him,“Go, wash in the pool of Siloam” (which means Sent). So he went and washed and came back seeing. John 9:1-7

After being questioned twice by the Pharisees the formerly blind man answered them,

“Whether he is a sinner I do not know. One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see…” John 9:25

The enraged Pharisees kicked the formerly blind man out of the Synagogue. Jesus went and found him and he believed in Jesus. Then Jesus lays down some truth.

Jesus said, “For judgment I came into this world, that those who do not see may see, and those who see may become blind.” Some of the Pharisees near him heard these things, and said to him, “Are we also blind?” Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would have no guilt; but now that you say, ‘We see,’ your guilt remains.” John 9:30-41

One miracle that Jesus delighted to do over and over again is give sight to the blind. On the flip side of that, he was constantly calling the Pharisees “blind” because they refused to believe that he came from God. The Apostle Paul tells us where this blindness comes from:

And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. 2 Corinthians 4:3-6

Walk In the Light

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. 1 John 1:5-7

We are fooling ourselves, just like the Pharisees, if we say we love God and then run into darkness and sin. We cannot excuse our evil, but must repent in the light in order for the blood of Jesus to cleanse us. We cannot be cleansed if we will not admit we are sinners in need of a Savior.

Be the Light

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:14-16

Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. Ephesians 5:6-11

For you are all children of light, children of the day. We are not of the night or of the darkness. 1 Thessalonians 5:5

Remember that Sunday school song from when we were kids…

“This little light of mine…
I’m gonna let it shine…”

How do we do that practically? Day to day we must see the light and walk in the light in order to be the light. I know this side of heaven we’ll never be able to do that perfectly, but with the help of the Holy Spirit we can draw closer to Jesus every day. I so desperately want this in my life. Paul just told us that “The fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true.” As the sun rises every day remember who you are, a child of the light, ask God for opportunities to shine your light so others can see Jesus.

Thanks for reading. I would love to hear from you so feel free to email me or leave a comment. What do you think about “the light?”

How Far do Prayers Go?

Posted on June 3, 2016Leave a comment

I’ve been reading Stephen King’s book On Writing again. He talks about how writing is the most distilled form of telepathy there is. It takes the thoughts in my mind, puts them on a page, and then you have the ability to literally read my mind across space and time. My thoughts go straight into your mind. I love the analogy and wholeheartedly agree.

I thought about this in relation to the Bible. It’s the thoughts of the mind of God, in written form. The only way we can know what God’s thinks is to read His word.

The difference between God and King is that I am able through prayer to make my thoughts known to God. I don’t even have to write them down. Even deeper than that, Psalm 139:1-6 tells us:

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.

Jesus tells his disciples in Matthew 6:8 we don’t need to use very many words because our Heavenly Father knows what we need before we ask him.

Jesus even demonstrated this a few times in the gospels when he would “know the thoughts” of the pharisees and scribes, and even the disciples on a couple of occasions, and answer their unsaid accusations and questions.

Prayers are not just hopes and wishes. Prayers are leaning our full weight of trust and faith on a God who is able to answer us. If we do not believe in the absolute sovereignty of God then why even bother praying?

God is good and kind and he desires repentance rather than sacrifice. His will is that all would come to repentance. When we pray for our loved ones to be saved, and even our enemies to be saved, we are asking God to impose his will above their own will to remain in selfish autonomy.

Does God do that? Does he take people by force for their own good and his own glory? You better believe it. He did it to Saul of Tarsus and for sure He did it to me.

Are any of us “saved” of our own “free will?”

I feel like we live our whole lives in a sort of Stockholm syndrome. I’m speaking through my general American lense here. I imagine things aren’t this way in every country and culture. This is my own bit of sociological musing. I’m getting a little philosophical here, but follow along…

We don’t ask to be born. As babies and children we are captives of our parents. We generally grow to love them over time because they care for us. Even abused and neglected kids form strong bonds with the people who raise them.

As youths and adolescents, we are captives of the current education system. A performance based reward and punishment system in which we don’t always understand the rules. Every teacher’s expectations and rules are a little bit different.

In young adulthood we finally see an escape hatch. We get to exercise “choice.” Decisions can be made to continue school and go to college, maybe get a job or learn a trade, perhaps join the military.

But once the choice is made we subject ourselves again to the oversight of more teachers, bosses, drill instructors/commanders.

Maybe you meet that special someone, get married, and again find yourself subjected to a will beyond your own. How well we get along in marriage is dependent on our ability to yield our wills to each other.

Perhaps you decide to have children and the cycle starts again but you’re on the other end this time. You bring unwitting innocents into the world according to your will, then you wonder at your own sanity as you clash wills with tiny people who can’t even wipe their own butts or pour a cup of milk without spilling.

But you love them. They may test your patience minute by minute, they may ruin your possessions and finances, they may even break your heart with careless words or ungrateful attitudes. But you love them.

By the time we reach our death beds our biggest hope is that we raised our kids well enough that we leave a good legacy and hope not many of our descendants end up in jail or as complete heathens.

What does all this have to do with prayer and God’s will? It’s about who we become when we surrender our will to God and about how we pray for those who haven’t surrendered to God yet.

It’s not magic, it’s surrender.

How does God save us? We just don’t know. One moment we are blind, and the next, we see! One moment our heart is stone, and the next, it’s alive. Not our physical heart, of course, but what we might call our soul.

When we pray for our friends and family to be saved, this is what we’re asking for. Spiritual life and vision. We are praying for them to surrender their will to God’s will. We love them so much we pray that God would take them by force if necessary.

For ten years we prayed for my dad, who professed Christ but was a “functioning” alcoholic. “Rock bottom” came a number of times, but surrender did finally come. God is gracious and amazing. My dad’s been surrendered to God for almost 13 years. He’s a changed man, and not just behaviorally, but on the inside.

There’s a friend of ours my husband and I have been praying for for 17 years. His wife is a believer but he says he’s agnostic. He respects our faith but he has never had any experience that would convince him of God’s existence. His family moved a few hours north of us last year.

When they moved I began praying that God would bring him more Christian friends in their new town. We visited them recently and they also invited a new couple they made friends with to the bbq we had. And is it any surprise that they are totally Christians? The husband even has almost the exact same celtic cross tattoo as my husband. Answers to prayer across time and space.

An answer to prayer like that is faith building. It’s not some crazy miracle, but if it is God’s will that people come to repentance is it any wonder when he answers a prayer that lines up with that will? So I will continue to pray on, for our friend and many other unsaved and prodigal friends and family who desperately need the love of God in their lives.

Who have you grown weary praying for? Take a minute and pray for them right now. Think about stories like Saul of Tarsus and the Theif on the Cross, who’s eyes were opened in an instant. Partner with God’s will for repentance and salvation. Keep on praying.

John 5 Part 1- House of Mercy

Posted on April 22, 2016Leave a comment

Bethesda means “House of Mercy.” What do we need more than mercy when we are thoroughly wrapped up in our own self pity?

Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, in Aramaic called Bethesda, which has five roofed colonnades. In these lay a multitude of invalids—blind, lame, and paralyzed. One man was there who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. John 5:2-5

I haven’t done anything for 38 years. Maybe breathing since I’m just barely that old. But I have had significant times of both physical and spiritual lameness in my life. I’ve spent much of the past three years in a state of daily physical pain due to a hip injury. I’ve also spent much of the past few years paralyzed by fear. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of responsibility, fear of being wrong, fear of messing it all up. All these fears have been for me a spiritual bondage leading to inaction.

This is the account of a significant healing miracle that Jesus did in the life of one man. This passage says there was a “multitude of invalids.” Do you ever feel like just one of the crowd? Do you ever wonder what difference can one person make? What difference can I make? How can I help anyone when I can’t even help myself?

It’s very easy to talk yourself out of something that you know in your heart of hearts that God has called you to do. It’s easy to convince yourself that you are crazy and tell yourself God couldn’t possibly have picked you because you are so desperately unqualified. I fight these thoughts daily.

We are all so broken. There is a point we come to where enough is enough. Sometimes we don’t realize it, but Jesus is right around the corner. We don’t have any discernible faith, just a pocket full of lame excuses. But Jesus comes and finds us. For that man at the pool, this was his day.

When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be healed?” John 5:6

What compassion! Where are you hurting right now? Physically? Relationally? Emotionally? How long has it been? Jesus already knows.

Do you want to be healed? Do I want to be healed? Is our answer something like this?

The sick man answered him, “Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me.” John 5:7

Do we say, “Yes, but…”
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’m not strong enough.”
“I’m not smart enough.”
“I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”
“Getting in the water is my answer but I can’t get there.”
“Getting to church and community group is the answer, but I can’t get there.”
“Getting in the word and prayer is the answer but I don’t have time.”
“I’ve sinned too much for too long.”
“My past is too dark. I’m ashamed.”
or like the childhood classic my dad used to sing me when I was in the midst of a self-pity party…
“Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I’m goin’ out and eat worms…”

The absolutely radical thing about Jesus and His healing power is that it has nothing to do with us. Let me say that again. It has nothing to do with us. It is His mercy. Sometimes His mercy looks like His sufficient grace and mighty strength made perfect in our weakness. Sometimes it looks like radical, miraculous healing.

Jesus said to him, “Get up, take up your bed, and walk.” And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked. Now that day was the Sabbath. John 5:8-9

Jesus healed so many people so many different ways, but the goal is the same. Action.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

These last few months for me this looks like being healed of fear, getting up every morning, taking up my keyboard, and writing. This looks like finally letting go of all the excuses why I can’t or won’t or shouldn’t write. It looks like doing my physical therapy, getting to the gym and getting back to a place of physical fitness despite the hip pain. (Ironically, the more I go the less it hurts because then the joint doesn’t get stiff.) It’s seeing His mercy in my every-day life. It’s seeing Jesus looking at me and loving me, even when I’m the most broken and the least lovely. It looks like me sitting at His feet every day and letting Him wash me with the word.

How has Jesus touched you, healed you, been fixing your brokenness? Where in your life do you need healing now? What excuses have you been making? He’s right around the corner. He sees you. He loves you. He has new mercy for you today. So… Get up… take up your bed… and walk.

As always, thanks for reading. I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to comment on this post and share it with someone you know who need this encouragement today. Join me again next week when we’ll look at what the Pharisees had to say about this healing which took place on the Sabbath.

The 4 Reasons Why I Celebrate Christmas

Posted on December 24, 2015Leave a comment

Why I Celebrate Christmas

My faith is not blind. My favorite thing to read is my Bible. I know how weird that sounds, unless you’ve read the bible too. If you have, then you know what I’m talking about. It’s the unfolding of the human drama from creation to its future finish. The bible is not myth and legend made up by men. It’s a historical and prophetic account of a supreme being revealing himself to his estranged creation. It spans thousands of years and has 66 different authors all writing about one thing; the salvation of people by the life, death and resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth.

Jesus was a real man. The old testament prophesied the coming of a savior. Much of the old testament has been solidly backed up by archaeology. The new testament reveals Jesus as that savior. HIs life was so important that our very calendar is marked by his birth.

Modern secularists think that by separating ourselves from religion we become more “scientific” and “enlightened.” I believe the opposite is true, the more secular we become the more desperate we are to find meaning for our lives. It’s why suicide, drug abuse (illegal and rx), sexual promiscuity and “radical religion” are running rampant across the globe. We human creatures are so full of needs and wants. We are so restless. Our souls are at war with the God who created us, demanding that he make our lives easy and comfortable.

Jesus told us exactly why he came and I believe it is true.

And he came to Nazareth, where he had been brought up. And as was his custom, he went to the synagogue on the Sabbath day, and he stood up to read. And the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was given to him. He unrolled the scroll and found the place where it was written,
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives
and recovering of sight to the blind,
to set at liberty those who are oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”
And he rolled up the scroll and gave it back to the attendant and sat down. And the eyes of all in the synagogue were fixed on him. And he began to say to them, “Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.” –Luke 4:16-21

Basically Jesus claimed to be the Messiah prophesied in scripture and then dropped the mic. Why are we so afraid to say about Jesus what he said about himself? I celebrate Christmas because what the angels told the shepherds the night he was born is true.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. –Luke 2:11

Why I Celebrate Christmas

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. –John 3:16

Jesus is the savior of the world, but he is also a personal savior. He spoke to large crowds, imparting truth, grace and wisdom but he also spoke to individuals. For 3 ½ years he poured his daily life into 12 men and a few close friends that included women like Mary and Martha. He healed individuals, lepers, blind, lame, and even the dead. I am part of a global family of God, the Church, but the bible also tells me I am a personally adopted daughter of the King.

But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God. –Galatians 4:4-7

Why I Celebrate Christmas

This Advent our focus at church has been joy. Joy is one of those things that can get lost in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. Christmas is a celebration! It’s a birthday party! Happy Birthday Jesus!

There is almost nothing more anticipated than the arrival of a baby. The birth of Jesus was no different. That night in Bethlehem, all those many years ago, an unwed teen gave birth to her own savior. Delivering a baby is scary and painful and miraculous and amazing. Almost as soon as we see those sweet baby cheeks and hear their first cries we begin to forget the pain of pregnancy and labor.

The amazing thing about Birthdays is no matter what else happened the day you were born it is still a special marker in time. A day set aside to reflect on another year of life past and to look forward to the next year ahead.

Before she gave birth this is what Mary said about her son,

“My soul magnifies the Lord,
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant.
For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed;
for he who is mighty has done great things for me,
and holy is his name.
And his mercy is for those who fear him
from generation to generation.
He has shown strength with his arm;
he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts;
he has brought down the mighty from their thrones
and exalted those of humble estate;
he has filled the hungry with good things,
and the rich he has sent away empty.
He has helped his servant Israel,
in remembrance of his mercy,
as he spoke to our fathers,
to Abraham and to his offspring forever.”

Why I Celebrate Christmas

Emmanuel! God with us! Christ has come! We don’t need to look for anyone else. I celebrate Christmas with eyes wide open. I celebrate that light has come into the world and I want light instead of darkness in my life. I want peace instead of war in my soul. I want to worship a savior worthy of of my worship.

He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. –Colossians 1:15-20

Why do you Celebrate Christmas?

I hope these things have inspired and encouraged you this Christmas. For many the holidays are a time of hope and joy but for others it is difficult and sad. I pray that wherever your heart is this Christmas you will make room for Jesus. He loves you and longs for you to know him, not in a religious ritual or as a baby in a manger, but as your God and Savior, as your friend and as the bringer of peace to your soul.

I would love to know what Christmas means to you! Feel free to share in the comments. Thanks for reading!

Psalm 107 Part 2 – The Wanderers & Giving Thanks

Posted on November 27, 2014Leave a comment

Our walk through Psalm 107 continues with Part 2, the Wanderers. I also share my conversion experience and some of the events leading up to it. It is important to look back, to remember why I am who I am today. I am an adopted daughter of God by grace alone through faith alone. And sometimes I take that for granted. I really want to take this time to thank God for His steadfast love and the miraculous things He has done in my life. I once was lost but now I’m found and it’s the thing I’m most thankful for.

Psalm 107:4-9

Some wandered in desert wastes, finding no way to a city to dwell in; hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted within them. Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straight way till they reached a city to dwell in. Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.

Verses 4-9 tell us a general story about some folks wandering in the desert. Their situation gets so desperate. They have no homes, no food, no water and no hope. They cried out to God and he delivered them. He led them home. He proved his love for them not only by providing physical security but he satisfied the deepest longing and hunger of their souls. They were so thankful they made sure the next generation, the children of men, knew all about it.

What does it mean to wander? The Dictionary.com app (Websters) lists many definitions, but here are just a couple:
1. to ramble without a definite purpose or objective
2. to go aimlessly, indirectly, or casually; meander
3. to extend in an irregular course or direction

This passage doesn’t tell us how these folks ended up in the desert, just that they were wandering there. The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years. The amazing thing is that it was God himself, by way of deliverance through Moses, who led them into the wilderness. Often I wonder why God does something, and many times there are no answers, but there are a couple of scriptures that tell us exactly why God led them into the desert.

Exodus 13:17-18 tells us

When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them by way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near. For God said, “Lest the people change their minds when they see war and return to Egypt.” But God led the people around by the way of the wilderness toward the Red Sea. And the people of Israel went up out of the land of Egypt equipped for battle.

It seems like God led them on a hard path to protect them from something worse. He did this because he knew the fear in their hearts. The Philistines were an enemy that they were not prepared for yet and if they had returned to Egypt pharaoh would have been shooting fish in a barrel. Is it possible God took them through a lesser trial to prepare them for a greater trial later? Probably. Do lesser trials seem lesser at the time? Not really.

Exodus 14:1-4

Then the LORD said to Moses, “Tell the people of Israel to turn back and encamp in front of Pi-hahiroth, between Migdol and the sea, in front of Baal-zephon; you shall encamp facing it, by the sea. For Pharaoh will say of the people of Israel, ‘They are wandering in the land; the wilderness has shut them in.’ And I will harden Pharaoh’s heart, and he will pursue them, and I will get glory over Pharaoh and all his host, and the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD.” And they did so.

Why did God put their backs against the proverbial wall? Did you catch it? To get glory over the enemy. To display his absolute providence in the affairs of man and to show his people that despite their lack of faith he keeps his promises.

We all know what happens next. I encourage you to read Exodus 14. The details of this account are so incredible. God made a straight path where there was no path. Then in Exodus 15 is their song of triumph. Like Psalm 107:8 says, they praised God and his wonderous works and his steadfast love to themselves and their children.

Later, when they needed water he led them to the oasis, then when they needed food he rained down daily bread from heaven. When they refused to enter the promised land because of fear he still took care of them for 40 years in the desert, leading and providing everything they needed. Even their shoes didn’t wear out. He waited for the right time when the next generation, the little children who had come through the Red Sea, were grown and ready for the battles ahead.

Deuteronomy 8:2-3 tells us WHY

And you shall remember the whole way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.

Sound familiar? The last half of verse 3 is what Jesus quoted in Matthew 4:4 to Satan who tempted him to make bread from stones after the Spirit had led him to the wilderness for 40 days of fasting.

The wilderness times in our lives are an opportunity, not to starve, but to see the mighty hand of God deliver us. He humbles us. He lets us hunger. Then he feeds us. Why? To make us know that physical bread isn’t the only thing we need. To make us know that we can’t meet our spiritual needs with physical things.

Here’s a glimpse into the wilderness of my youth and how God saved me at age 15.

I was raised in the Roman Catholic Church. I know there are some awesome Catholic’s out there who know and love the Lord, but it wasn’t that way for me. I was baptized as an infant, went to catholic school, catechism classes, learned all the rules, memorized the Our Father, said the fastest Hail Mary this side of the Rockies, received my first communion, went to confession (a lot), and still had no idea why Jesus mattered.

I remember most Sunday’s sitting in the pew next to my mom and spinning her wedding ring round and round her finger, watching the light glint off the diamonds while the priest droned on in the background. If I misbehaved my dad would take me outside and make me face the wall. He admitted to me in recent years that it was as much a relief for him as it was a punishment for me. I did like the songs and the stained glass. I loved the statues, Mary, and St. Francis, always looking so holy and peaceful. But church was what we did on Sunday with no more mention of God during the week except for fish stick Fridays during lent.

I met my own personal wilderness when I was 14. I was very close to my grandma on my mom’s side. Grandma Z. She was tough but fun. She babysat me a lot when I was little. Then later when I was a pre-teen she would stay the night with us in my room. It was like a sleep over, we would talk and giggle. We played gin rummy and sometimes after my bath she would rub Nivea lotion into my little arms and legs. She was one of my best friends. But she was sick. As I watched her health declining I prayed, really the only time I remember praying something I hadn’t memorized. I knew she was going to die but I would beg God to let her live till I was 16.

A couple months after my 14th birthday she went into a care facility and never made it back out. It was my freshman year of high school, almost Thanksgiving. I was under a heavy load of full honors, AP/IB college prep classes. I went numb. I stopped doing homework. I would sit in the back of class and try to pay attention but if I wasn’t crying I would make myself fall asleep to escape the grief that was eating my soul. I was mad at God. How could he just take her away from me like that? The whole family started making excuses to not go to church. It was a busy season. Dad was golfing more and drinking more, mom was dealing with the grief of her mom passing in her own way, and my little brother was a typical nuisance. Somehow we all made it through the holidays, then just before Easter Grandpa B, my dad’s dad, passed away, ironically from alcoholism complications. Life went pretty quickly to hell after that.

I dressed in Sunday best for Easter, we all went to mass with my Grandma B, put on smiles and choked down communion. But I felt dead inside. It was the last communion I would partake of until later after God saved me. My dad’s drinking really escalated after that. He managed to hang on to his job but was drinking every night and binge drinking away nearly every weekend. My mom’s way of escaping his madness was to take us kids out shopping. One of the things she would never deny me was books. I used that to my advantage and had her buying me books on alternative spirituality and the occult. It was something I had already been into and at that time I gave myself to it completely. Astrology, eastern meditation, astral projection, Ouigi, dream control and interpretation, Tarot card reading, crystals. I bought into it all. I even had an incense altar to the Goddess in my room that I hid from my parents. I became a pagan, a witch.

I was wandering in the wilderness, so hungry and thirsty, desperate for love and power, some scrap of control in my life that felt so out of control. The more spirituality I tried to stuff into my soul the emptier I became. I started looking for a coven to join.

One day a concerned friend asked me if I had ever accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and savior. My answer to that was “I know all about God, I was baptized and went to church enough. I’m a good person.” I remember seeing Jesus at the Mission every Christmas at mass. There was the typical nativity, but there was always this one huge statue of him all bloody hanging on the cross. It actually kind of freaked me out. But she invited me to a youth group event and I decided to go, wondering if maybe there was something I missed.

People there were happy, welcoming, and having fun. So much different than my previous church experiences. She asked if I would like to go to bible study sometime. I was still very skeptical, a proclaimed agnostic, but I found myself agreeing to go. Over the next couple of months I went every week and though I was mostly confused I was also drawn in. I really wanted to understand what they were talking about.

On October 20th 1992 I went to a big Christian music concert at Kit Carson park in Escondido. The only reason my folks let me go was because it was sponsored by a local church. I went with one of my guy friends and his group of buddies. It was incredible. So many people. Awesome music. Lots of moshing and head banging. Then, after “Die Happy” but before the headliners “The Crucified”, a guy got up and gave his testimony. He talked about the fences we build in our hearts. How we want to know God but we want to stay safe so we just sit on the fence without choosing one side or the other. I felt like he was talking only to me! In that moment my heart burst wide open, I didn’t want to be mad at God anymore! I didn’t want to be lost and empty anymore! Hot tears rolled down my cold cheeks in the dark, in the crowd. He invited anyone who wanted to know Jesus to come to the stage for prayer. I ran. I think I was the second or third kid up there out of maybe 30 or so. It was bright and loud… We all went to a grassy area at the side of the stage where they gave us a copy of the New Testament and we prayed.

My friends were so excited. The guy who had invited me to that concert invited me to go to church with him the next Sunday. I started getting up really early on Sunday’s to go and my folks thought I was crazy. I kept going to the weekly bible study with my other friend and was amazed at how much more sense the bible made. I felt like things were going to get better. I started doing better in school. I felt like I had a future again.

I wandered in desert wastes, finding no way to a city to dwell in; hungry and thirsty, my soul fainted within me. Then I cried to the LORD in my trouble, and he delivered me from my distress. He led me by a straight way till I reached a city to dwell in. I will thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.

Do you remember when He saved you? I’d love to hear about it, feel free to share in the comments.