mercy – Smallchelle

Fall Faith

Posted on October 1, 20161 Comment

Fall is beautiful. We have scenes in our minds of leaves turning the color of amber and sunlight then being gently cradled by the breeze as they waft down and wait to be raked into delightful piles for children to jump in.

Fall is actually rather violent. Trees literally cut off their own leaves in the fall in order to survive winter. By the time the rain and the wind are knocking leaves down the tree is well and truly done with them.

The trees stand naked through the winter, sad sentinels of loss. Metabolism slows and it may appear that nothing is happening, but under the surface prep work is being done for the Spring. The tree stores up energy and nutrients, holding its breath, waiting to burst forth with new growth when the time is right.

Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday.
The steps of a man are established by the Lord,
when he delights in his way;
though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,
for the Lord upholds his hand.
Psalm 37:3-6, 23-24

Does the tree spend fall desperately try to hang on to those leaves? Does the tree spend winter worrying if the new leaves are coming? Does it bemoan its own nakedness? Does it wait anxiously? Of course not. It’s a tree. But in the Fall seasons of our lives we do all these things and more. We forget that there is a season for everything.

I’m recognizing a change of season in my own life right now. The Lord is showing me the leaves that I must cut off. He is inviting me into a time of quiet, slow metabolism. He is asking me to get soul naked and take a good look at my hard bark. He is also promising me new leaves and fruit in the spring.

“Chelle,“ you say, “you’re speaking in riddles! What are you talking about girl?”

I’m talking about this blog and my calling to share God’s word and encouragement with you my friends. This past year on the blog has been an amazing journey of faith for me. It’s been abundant fruit. It’s been Summer faith. It’s been God showing me that I can be disciplined. That I can (by a miracle of the Holy Spirit) get up early every morning and write. That I can hear his voice every day.

But now it’s time for Fall faith. It’s time to slow down. Time to let go. To cut it off. The blog will still be here, like the pile of leaves for the kids to play in. I may still post every now and then throughout the Fall and Winter, but my energy has to move away from the leaves you see here.

I’ll be spending Fall and Winter just studying and writing. I have plans, Lord willing, to launch some new things in the Spring. If I try to keep up posting here too I will be spread too thin and none if it will be done well.

Some of you are subscribed to my Blog Newsletter. Thank you so much! You have no idea what that has meant to me. I really do appreciate it. I plan to still send monthly emails with updates on my progress and possibly even previews of what I’m working on. If you don’t receive my newsletter yet I invite you to subscribe. My mailing list will be the first to know about the new things I’m working on.

Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love,
for in you I trust.
Make me know the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.
Deliver me from my enemies, O Lord!
I have fled to you for refuge.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God!
Let your good Spirit lead me
on level ground!
Psalm 143:8-10

Are you coming into a “Fall” season in your life? Does it feel like life is falling apart around you? Are you having to let go of something you love? I just want to encourage you that it is all part of the work God is doing in your life. Take the quiet season, with your branches stripped bare, and sink your roots deep into the word while you reach your arms to heaven in praise and worship Him. Trust that he is working in you now for fruit in a future season.

Barking Spiders

Posted on September 10, 2016Leave a comment

Have you ever had anyone tell you, “you sound just like your mother/father!” It’s not usually meant as a compliment. As we grow up we pick up a lot of the language and attitudes of those we spend the most time with. Then we have kids of our own and find ourselves saying the same things that we constantly heard growing up.

Some are silly, like at our house my dad used to claim his noisy farts were caused by “barking spiders.” Or how bout good old “pull my finger.”

Some are multi-generational. “Your grandma used to say… ‘If it was a piece of candy you would have found it!’ or ‘If it was a snake it woulda bit ya!’,” are things my mom would say when she easily found something I had been searching for. Or one my dad picked up from my grandpa and often said when my brother and I were being rambunctious… “I’m gonna whomp you with a knotted plow line!” I don’t even know what that is, but I’m certain it’s something they had back on the farm…

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear,slow to speak, slow to anger;” James 1:19

Sometimes we shock ourselves, like the first time I yelled at my kid, “Go to your room!” Oh man, I hated being sent to my room as a kid and promised myself I’d never do that to my kids… but… when tantrums and tempers flare… dang, I’m just like my mom.

“Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” Colossians 3:21

I had some tough times growing up. No parents ever do everything right, but I think they do the best they know how. We have to look at our past with a lot of grace, especially because as we raise our own kids we’re going to need that grace from them.

“…be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,” Ephesians 5:18b-20

We pick up on the good things from our parents too. Like hundreds of bedtime stories and a million “I love you”s. Like thousands of family dinners around the table talking about “how was your day?” and “What did you learn at school?” and “How’s the new guy at work?” On Fridays we would spread out a bed sheet on the living room floor for a “picnic dinner” and watch a VHS movie from Video Library. There were beach days and backyard BBQ’s, family vacations and our annual trip to Del Mar Fair for shopping, food and carnival rides. And big family gatherings at 4th of July, Thanksgiving and Christmas, where the adults sat around talking politics while playing cards and the cousins all ran wild… but not too wild.

“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” Romans 12:10

Of course this was my suburban youth, and the things I remember. This was the culture I grew up in. I’ve been watching the new Netflix show “Stranger Things” and the 80’s nostalgia is so thick. Maybe that’s where all this is coming from. We just had our annual family reunion too. Making new memories while reminiscing about the “good ol’ days.” It’s good to look back and remember… especially all the fun times.

“The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life,” Proverbs 10:11a

When my kids are grown I wonder what they will remember from growing up in our home. What phrases will they say to my eventual grandkids? What traditions and values will they continue? Will they remember the “barking spiders?”

Thanks for tripping down memory lane with me. I’d love to hear a fun memory or funny saying your parents always used. Feel free to share in the comments below.

When I am Weak

Posted on July 16, 2016Leave a comment

I recently watched an episode of the T.V. show House in which the main character, Dr. Greg House was released from a lengthy stay at a psychiatric hospital with a party called his re-birth day. He spends a large portion of the episode making life miserable for everyone to prove that he’s “better” and ready to leave and get on with his life. He refuses to take his meds. He’s mean and disruptive. Then he’s sees what he perceives as the mistreatment of another patient, a young man who is delusional and believes he’s a superhero.

Pride Goes Before a Fall

House smuggles this patient off the grounds and takes him to a carnival where they go on a ride that simulates flying and play the “strongman” game where you use a hammer to send up a puck that rings a bell. After what appeared to be a fun time the young man climbs up to a ledge in a parking garage, and still believing he can fly, jumps from the ledge and is badly injured.

House realizes he was wrong. He couldn’t fix the young man’s delusion, and had in fact made it worse. The next scene shows House taking his meds. He is confronted by his roommate, who was also refusing meds.

Roommate says, “You let them get to you. They broke you.”

House replies “They didn’t break me, I am broken.”

I loved this. I saw Peter echoed here. At first so proud and confident to Jesus… “Though all deny you I will not deny you, I will go with you to death.” Then he denies Christ 3 times. Once he is humbled and recognizes his weakness is Jesus able to ask him to “feed his lambs.” Before his denial he was too strong and proud to serve anyone but himself. After his denial and repentance he had a full view of his own brokenness and his need for strength from a source outside himself.

When I am Weak then I am Strong

Over the course of the rest of the episode House learns how to open up for real to his therapist, stop trying to fix everyone else and apologize to and move on with the delusional man. Toward the end he suffers an emotional hurt and instead of going back to his addiction he seeks out his therapist and admits his pain and fear. It is at this moment the therapist tells him he’s finally ready to go back to “normal” life.

We can’t live a real Christian life until we admit that we can’t really live the Christian life! Paradoxical, I know. Paul explains this in Second Corinthians:

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:17

At a prayer meeting earlier this week a friend reminded me of the sermon on the mount where Jesus says, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” We are poor in spirit when we recognize we have a spiritual need and see God as the only answer to that need.

We have a choice to make every day. We can either stand in pride and do everything possible to gain and maintain our own kingdom, or we can surrender and trust the God who made us, who is trustworthy and true. We can seek His kingdom and know that He will give us everything we need in this life and the next. Even if it’s what God gave Paul, “sufficient grace.” And isn’t His grace worth more than anything this world has to offer?

Full Grown Youth

Posted on June 25, 2016Leave a comment

This week I asked my boys if they were a fruit tree what kind of fruit tree would they be? “Dragonfruit!” said my 13 (almost 14) year old, and “Banana!” said my 10 year old. Exotic kids. And surprising answers that matched them perfectly. One unique, different, unusual, and the other practical, helpful and consistent.

The children are moving up in the world. This week the older boy got “promoted” from 8th grade to “Freshman!” The younger boy finished 4th grade and has one year left of Elementary School. Where have my babies gone? I spent a lot of time this week praying for my boys and the future God has for them. Not just that they would be good and obedient, though some days my prayers are like that. But rather that they would know and trust Him the way I do. Scratch that… I pray that they would know and trust Him better than I do.

May our sons in their youth
be like plants full grown,
our daughters like corner pillars
cut for the structure of a palace;
Psalm 144:12

I came across this little set of verses in the Psalms one day a month or so ago and it really struck a chord with me. What a bold prayer. It gave me a little heart check. It made me stop and ask myself “what do I pray for my kids?” As a worried mom I often just white knuckle my way with prayers like “let them be good, and not screw up their lives and not get on drugs and not find porn on the internet and not have sex till they’re married.” (No pressure kids…)

This Psalm gives us a hint of what God wants for our children and what he desires us to pray for them. In many places the bible speaks highly of the faith of children. Our kids can be mature believers in Christ but it’s the same process we go through. Growing like plants, which we’ll look at today, and cut into shape like pillars, which we’ll learn about in the next post.

It takes three things to bring a seedling to fruit bearing maturity. Roots in the water, leaves in the light and air, and pruning. So many verses compare believers to plants. Let’s look at a couple of them in light of our kids.

Roots in the Water – The Word

Scripture compares itself to water. It washes us, quenches our thirst, nourishes us. God provided miracle water for the children of Israel in the desert then Jesus offered himself to us as living water. We are baptised in water as an outward symbol of faith in Jesus.

Blessed is the man
who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
but his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree
planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.
Psalm 1:1-3

Science tells us the human body is up to 75% water and when we don’t drink enough we dehydrate. If the dehydration is bad enough our body systems start shutting down and eventually we die. It is the most necessary element for life.

Our children depend on us for physical food and water, which we happily provide for them a few times every day. We are called as parents to minister to our children’s spiritual needs as well. We must be nourishing our children with the water of the word every day. For little ones this could be simply reading a small story out of an illustrated children’s bible. When our kids were little our favorite was “The Jesus Storybook Bible” by Sally Lloyd-Jones.

Now that my kids are older my 13 year old reads the bible to me and our 10 year old during our morning drive to school. We’ve read through and memorized a few different Psalms and we’re currently reading the Gospel of John. Just a few verses a day is enough to open up amazing discussions about the Gospel, who God is and what he has done for us. It helps us tie scripture to our daily lives and activities. This is how we root our kids in the Gospel for a lifetime of loving God and loving others.

Of course we haven’t always done this perfectly. We work full time and have a lot of things going on like I’m sure you all do. When kids are very little it’s hard to make the bible a priority. I remember days as a young mom when I was lucky to get a shower and a hot meal, much less a few minutes in the word. If this is your season with very little kids and babies give yourself some grace. The Holy Spirit knows your heart. Throw on some praise music. Pray for small opportunities to work the word into your lives and then be ready to pounce when you see one.

Leaves in the Sun and Air – Prayer

We don’t just listen to God. He loves us so much he actually listens to us. The leaves of trees don’t only take in sunlight but they breathe like we do. They filter out carbon dioxide and release life giving oxygen into the atmosphere. Prayer is like breathing with God. In the same way Jesus taught his disciples to pray, and the disciples taught the churches to pray, we ought to be teaching our children to pray.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7

Modeling this kind of daily prayer with our kids teaches them about their relationship with God. Kids can rejoice in our savior. Kids can show gratitude for God’s many blessings. Kids grow in compassion by asking God to help hurting people. Kids can trust God to take care of them. Kids can have the peace of God guard their hearts (emotions) and minds (thoughts).

Pruning – Hardship

I hate to see my kids sick or suffering. And if someone is messing with them… look out! But in reality, if we want to see the fruit of the Spirit in our kids lives we have to help them understand hardship and how we handle it.

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit… I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing… If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” John 15: 1, 2, 5, 7-11

The truth is, life isn’t fair. I believe our job is to protect our youngest ones from harm and suffering, but as they grow we must teach them how to obey the rules for their own good. We don’t let our kids play in the street or eat ice cream for every meal. We don’t make a baby change his own diaper, but we eventually teach him to clean up after himself.

This submission to pruning is something we model to our kids. When you are seeking God’s will in prayer invite your kids into it. If they are old enough to pray they are old enough to help us pray for God’s wisdom in our lives as parents. They will see how we seek the Lord in our own hard times for guidance, wisdom, patience and provision. As they see God answering prayer in our lives they will connect with God in powerful ways. They understand more than we give them credit for.

I hope this has encouraged you to pray bold new prayers for your kids. Next time we’ll look at the second half of the verse and learn what it means to be a corner pillar cut for a palace.

What’s in My Cup?

Posted on June 17, 2016Leave a comment

Dirty dishes. We can hand wash them, or put them in the dishwasher and run it. Most of the time they come out pretty clean. But occasionally you grab something like a cereal bowl or coffee mug and look in to see Jupiter style coffee rings or cement-like pieces of yesterday’s breakfast stuck to the inside of that bowl like barnacles. Or worse yet, could you imagine doing the dishes but only washing the outside and ignoring the inside? It would look nice, wouldn’t it? But would you use it? No way.

My heart has been broken over the tragic loss of life in the shooting at Pulse, a gay nightclub in Orlando, Fl last weekend. I have been praying for the families that lost loved ones and for comfort and healing for the wounded. Throughout social media I have seen some great Christian responses to the tragedy and some shameful Christian responses. Have we forgotten that we are ALL broken image bearers of our Creator God?

Jesus is tender toward the wounded and brokenhearted in scripture but has a severe wake up call for people who think for one second that they are “better” than anyone else. I’ve been praying this week that God would give me a correct view of myself. What is my cup full of? Self righteousness that stinks like a sink full of week old dirty dishes? Or the grace of God that he wants me to pour out generously on everyone around me, gay, straight or otherwise?

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean.
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.“ Matthew 23:25-27

The word hypocrite was a term used to describe an actor who would wear a mask for entertainment, but here Jesus uses it to accuses the Pharisees of living a false life. Their outward actions are righteous to onlookers, but their hearts are full of greed, self-indulgence, hypocrisy and lawlessness.

A sinner can be saved, but a hypocrite will cling with a death-grip to the mask they fashion for themselves. The hypocrite believes that if they can’t be inwardly righteous then maintaining some facade of outward holiness will make them acceptable to God and other people.

Let’s take a look at the four traits of the Pharisees Jesus mentions here and ask God to show us where we might have some “dishwashing” to submit to. It’s uncomfortable, but a necessary part of repentance for the disciple of Christ.

Greed

Defined as an intense and selfish desire for something, especially wealth, power, or food. Its close cousins are envy and coveting. We have such a strange culture when it comes to greed. Advertisers constantly use a scarcity mindset to trick us into thinking we must buy what they are selling. It’s a “limited edition” and a “limited time only.” We are constantly barraged with the message that we don’t have enough.

When our pastors touch on the subject of finances at church we think about how hard we work for our money, and how much we deserve, and maybe we’ll give later when our finances are better. The question is, if we are not being generous with what we have now how can we expect to all of a sudden have a generous heart when we have more money? The answer is we won’t. The whole point of giving to God is that our finances were never meant to be our savior.

Self-Indulgence

This is an enjoyment to excess. While the Pharisees should have been helping the common people they were instead showboating their own righteousness. It fed their bloated egos. Praying loudly for all to hear, fasting to show off their holiness, tithing from their spice cabinets…

“Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward… “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward… “And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.” Matthew 6:2, 5, & 16

Are your spiritual practices done between you and the Lord or have you been seeking the approval and appreciation of man? The opposite of that self-indulgence is compassion. Eyes that see the world as Jesus did when he looked at the crowds and saw them as sheep with no shepherd. The Pharisees should have been taking care of the lost sheep of Israel but were instead showing off their own self-righteousness and lording their power over the people.

Hypocrisy

He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.” Luke 18:9-14

We fight against the hypocrisy inside ourselves with a humble admission of where we fall short. I heard a pastor say once that God’s Plan A is humility and that his Plan B is humiliation. What a wake up call. We all know someone who spent years hiding behind a mask of self-righteousness to eventually be humiliated openly by some secret sin. Maybe you have been or are one of them. Totally me, when I was living a double life as the good little Christian teenager but partying and sleeping with my boyfriend and ended up pregnant at 16.

If this is you humble yourself and come out of hiding now. Cry out, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!” And he will be! There is forgiveness and healing. It’s the beauty of the Gospel, the Good News that tells us Jesus washes away ALL our sins, even us hypocritical Christians.

Lawlessness

But wait a minute… Weren’t the Pharisees the most law abiding? Maybe on the outside but not in their hearts. And that’s Jesus’ whole point. They looked like amazing men of God. They insisted on the keeping of the letter of the law but missed the heart behind it. They were circumcised in their flesh but not in their hearts. They loved themselves and their positions of power over the people but they did not love God nor his people. It’s why they constantly criticized Jesus for healing on the Sabbath. It’s why they accused him of being demon possessed. It’s why they conspired to take him and had him killed.

What does this mean for us modern Christians? Is it possible that we can become lawless? James gives us an important insight.

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing. James 1:22-25

What is “the perfect law, the law of liberty?” Jesus freed us from the law of sin and death to the law of liberty. Not to be made free to continue in sin and unrighteousness but to be free to love in grace and mercy.

When a lawyer asked Jesus which of the commandments were the greatest his answer was so deep, yet so simple.

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:37-40

Luke 10:29 tells us that next the lawyer asked, “Who then is my neighbor?” to which Jesus replies with the story of the good Samaritan.

So I’m asking myself today, what’s in my cup? What is my response to the tragedy in Orlando?

First it is to cry out, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner!” To let the Lord cleanse me inside and out.

Second is to love my neighbor, no matter who they are. To pray for the broken and hurting and help by any means possible. To be the opposite of the hypocrites who are full of greed, self-indulgence, hypocrisy and lawlessness and strive daily to walk in generosity, compassion, humility and love, in the name of Jesus, by the power of the Holy Spirit.

As always, thanks for reading. I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to email me or leave a comment on this post.

How Far do Prayers Go?

Posted on June 3, 2016Leave a comment

I’ve been reading Stephen King’s book On Writing again. He talks about how writing is the most distilled form of telepathy there is. It takes the thoughts in my mind, puts them on a page, and then you have the ability to literally read my mind across space and time. My thoughts go straight into your mind. I love the analogy and wholeheartedly agree.

I thought about this in relation to the Bible. It’s the thoughts of the mind of God, in written form. The only way we can know what God’s thinks is to read His word.

The difference between God and King is that I am able through prayer to make my thoughts known to God. I don’t even have to write them down. Even deeper than that, Psalm 139:1-6 tells us:

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.

Jesus tells his disciples in Matthew 6:8 we don’t need to use very many words because our Heavenly Father knows what we need before we ask him.

Jesus even demonstrated this a few times in the gospels when he would “know the thoughts” of the pharisees and scribes, and even the disciples on a couple of occasions, and answer their unsaid accusations and questions.

Prayers are not just hopes and wishes. Prayers are leaning our full weight of trust and faith on a God who is able to answer us. If we do not believe in the absolute sovereignty of God then why even bother praying?

God is good and kind and he desires repentance rather than sacrifice. His will is that all would come to repentance. When we pray for our loved ones to be saved, and even our enemies to be saved, we are asking God to impose his will above their own will to remain in selfish autonomy.

Does God do that? Does he take people by force for their own good and his own glory? You better believe it. He did it to Saul of Tarsus and for sure He did it to me.

Are any of us “saved” of our own “free will?”

I feel like we live our whole lives in a sort of Stockholm syndrome. I’m speaking through my general American lense here. I imagine things aren’t this way in every country and culture. This is my own bit of sociological musing. I’m getting a little philosophical here, but follow along…

We don’t ask to be born. As babies and children we are captives of our parents. We generally grow to love them over time because they care for us. Even abused and neglected kids form strong bonds with the people who raise them.

As youths and adolescents, we are captives of the current education system. A performance based reward and punishment system in which we don’t always understand the rules. Every teacher’s expectations and rules are a little bit different.

In young adulthood we finally see an escape hatch. We get to exercise “choice.” Decisions can be made to continue school and go to college, maybe get a job or learn a trade, perhaps join the military.

But once the choice is made we subject ourselves again to the oversight of more teachers, bosses, drill instructors/commanders.

Maybe you meet that special someone, get married, and again find yourself subjected to a will beyond your own. How well we get along in marriage is dependent on our ability to yield our wills to each other.

Perhaps you decide to have children and the cycle starts again but you’re on the other end this time. You bring unwitting innocents into the world according to your will, then you wonder at your own sanity as you clash wills with tiny people who can’t even wipe their own butts or pour a cup of milk without spilling.

But you love them. They may test your patience minute by minute, they may ruin your possessions and finances, they may even break your heart with careless words or ungrateful attitudes. But you love them.

By the time we reach our death beds our biggest hope is that we raised our kids well enough that we leave a good legacy and hope not many of our descendants end up in jail or as complete heathens.

What does all this have to do with prayer and God’s will? It’s about who we become when we surrender our will to God and about how we pray for those who haven’t surrendered to God yet.

It’s not magic, it’s surrender.

How does God save us? We just don’t know. One moment we are blind, and the next, we see! One moment our heart is stone, and the next, it’s alive. Not our physical heart, of course, but what we might call our soul.

When we pray for our friends and family to be saved, this is what we’re asking for. Spiritual life and vision. We are praying for them to surrender their will to God’s will. We love them so much we pray that God would take them by force if necessary.

For ten years we prayed for my dad, who professed Christ but was a “functioning” alcoholic. “Rock bottom” came a number of times, but surrender did finally come. God is gracious and amazing. My dad’s been surrendered to God for almost 13 years. He’s a changed man, and not just behaviorally, but on the inside.

There’s a friend of ours my husband and I have been praying for for 17 years. His wife is a believer but he says he’s agnostic. He respects our faith but he has never had any experience that would convince him of God’s existence. His family moved a few hours north of us last year.

When they moved I began praying that God would bring him more Christian friends in their new town. We visited them recently and they also invited a new couple they made friends with to the bbq we had. And is it any surprise that they are totally Christians? The husband even has almost the exact same celtic cross tattoo as my husband. Answers to prayer across time and space.

An answer to prayer like that is faith building. It’s not some crazy miracle, but if it is God’s will that people come to repentance is it any wonder when he answers a prayer that lines up with that will? So I will continue to pray on, for our friend and many other unsaved and prodigal friends and family who desperately need the love of God in their lives.

Who have you grown weary praying for? Take a minute and pray for them right now. Think about stories like Saul of Tarsus and the Theif on the Cross, who’s eyes were opened in an instant. Partner with God’s will for repentance and salvation. Keep on praying.

Meltdown

Posted on May 27, 20164 Comments

“Without enough water, the fuel rods get so hot that they melt. If they begin to melt the nuclear reactor core and the steel containment vessel, and release radiation into the environment, nuclear meltdown occurs.” (Phys.org)

So every four or five years I have a total identity crisis. This happened last week in the form of an emotional meltdown that took my by surprise. The stress and depression was too much to bear and I got to a very dark place inside.

I get the feeling I’m not who I’m supposed to be, not who I was meant to be and I’m definitely not who I intended to be…

For as long as I can remember (since like 2nd grade) I wanted to be an English teacher. I love poetry, prose, mystery, horror, essay, romance, fantasy, grammar, technical poetry, classics, biography, song lyrics, articles, letters, speeches…

And if not a teacher then maybe a writer or journalist, writing fiction or news.

And if not any of that then maybe an editor, helping others to tell their stories well.

What do I have to show for the last 22 years? The things I made in my early days as a home decor seamstress are falling to tatters by now I imagine. Either that or they’ve been replaced by new things in more current trends of style and color. I just don’t care about that stuff anymore.

And of course I’ve got no one to blame but myself. The choices I made. I could have finished high school. I could have stayed at home. I could have given my baby away. I could have stayed in college, for as long as it took, even part time. I wanted it, but not bad enough apparently.

Professionally, I don’t want to be where I am now. I feel trapped and powerless. But of course we’ve got both proverbial and literal bills to pay and mouths to feed.

With this blog I’ve cracked the shell and started writing again, but right now it feels aimless. I feel like it’s what God has called me to do, but week after week I see so few people interested or impacted by it. I feel like I’m firing arrows in the dark and constantly missing the mark.

There’s a line from a Supertones song that describes this feeling perfectly… “Who I am is in between what I want to be and what I am.”

I want to be strong but I am weak. I want to be influential for the Gospel but I feel like a squeaking mouse. I’m trying so hard to encourage other people with the things I need encouragement in, but at the end of the day I’m exhausted, just like you.

I don’t know if I should put my blog on hold so I can focus on the devotional I want to write or try to fight through and do both. I love the daily prayer journal I get to write but I want to do more, devote more time, make it even more specific and encouraging. My brain feels fried. My heart aches. Meltdown.

I suppose just because I have a gifting and a passion doesn’t necessarily mean it’s my calling. Maybe that’s my biggest fear.

I can’t imagine another 5 or 10 years of things continuing the way they are. Something’s gotta give. Something’s gonna break. I have a sinking suspicion it will be me. I already feel the first cracks.

I am grateful for the jobs I have, professional seamstress, as well as sales associate at a retail fabric store. I love my husband and children, they are the bright spots. They are my safe haven.

I’m sure this is all a case of “the grass is greener.” As I listen wistfully to friends of mine that are teachers I hear their struggles too. They strive daily to make a difference in kids lives. Sometimes they succeed but I hear the despair that underlies their own daily grind.

I listen to podcasts by bloggers and authors that seem to be living the life I want, and I hear that it takes hard work and dedication. I’m not afraid of hard work and dedication. But I’m afraid at the end of the day that no one will be listening. I’ll turn out be the tree, falling in the forest, making a bunch of noise but with no one around to hear.

I know God has me where I am for a reason. I know it takes time to build something new. I know I am sowing seeds for the future. I don’t know exactly what that future is at this point. I know I need to be patient and keep walking this valley. I know it won’t keep on like this forever. Things will change. Eventually…

I’m praying for patience, perseverance, faithfulness, and open eyes. The enemy wants to trap me in fear that leads to inaction. I won’t let him. The enemy wants me to hide in shame. I don’t have time for that kind of self consciousness, there’s work to do. Kingdom work.

My meltdown was last Thursday and I wrote the bulk of this then with no intention to publish it. Mostly I was just pouring my heart out to God and trying to coax the fears into the light where I could get a good look at their ugly mugs.

Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I’ve already got my “big girl” pants on. I didn’t post all this to make you feel sorry for me. I just want to be authentic and truthful, we all have bad days.

Last Thursday was wretched, but by God’s providence I came home to my husband, who loves me and cares when my heart is hurting. And that night we went to our church community group, a safe place, where my friends encouraged and prayed for me. As we are studying Joy it’s of course the thing we are all being tested in right now.

As I prayed this week in the fallout from that meltdown I was asking, “Daddy, what do you want me to do?” And God, being ever loving and always faithful, responded to me with such tenderness. I read my Bible like normal, I listened to a few sermon podcasts, and God’s clear word to me was, “Don’t give up. Don’t despair. I am with you. I’m going to give you everything you need. Don’t stop praying. Don’t stop asking. Don’t let anything dilute the things I have put in your heart.”

Thanks for reading my little rant. I would really love to hear from you. Do you feel like you’ve found your calling?

His Death Shall Bring

Posted on May 13, 2016Leave a comment

Genealogy in the Bible can be a giant stumbling block for some people. It may seem like list after boring list of confusing, difficult to pronounce, senseless names. Today I want to show you something special. Let’s go on a unique genealogical journey to the heart of the Gospel of right there in Genesis.

My research is largely based on this article by Chuck Missler that touched me so deeply about 17 years ago. More solid proof to me that God is speaking to us all the time, but sometimes we don’t know how to hear it.

Last post I jumped right into the flood, but now I’d like to backtrack a little and take you through the meanings of the names of the genealogy from Adam to Noah in Genesis 5.

God is a better Architect

According to Chuck’s research, “Methuselah comes from muth, a root that means “death”; and from shalach, which means to bring, or to send forth. The name Methuselah means, “his death shall bring”.” If we do the math of how long he lived and when he died, the flood came in the same year that Methuselah died.

I’m going to list the Hebrew names and their English meanings but I highly recommend you read Genesis 5 and then read the Chuck Missler Article for his brief explanations and research notes on each name.

Adam = Man
Seth = Appointed
Enosh = Mortal
Kenan = Sorrow
Mahalalel = The Blessed God
Jared = Shall come down
Enoch = Teaching
Methuselah = His death shall bring
Lamech = The Despairing
Noah = Rest, or comfort.

Written out it reads:

Man (is) appointed mortal sorrow; (but) the Blessed God shall come down teaching (that) His death shall bring (the) despairing rest.

So many think the flood was God’s angry judgement, but there is another side to that coin. In Missler’s article he points out that “Methuselah’s life, in effect, was a symbol of God’s mercy in forestalling the coming judgment of the flood. Therefore, it is fitting that his lifetime is the oldest in the Bible, speaking of the extensiveness of God’s mercy.”

Jesus is a better Ark

By design, every bit of the Gospel was written before time began. The death and resurrection of Jesus gives us rest from the despair of the Law, of knowing there is no way we can live up to the standard of perfection. Rest from worry and fear, and rest from our own sin, sickness, and brokenness. Colossians 2:13-15 comforts us with these words:

And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him.

Searching for God and Finding Jesus

Jesus says to the religious folks who knew the torah and Noah’s genealogy word for word,

“You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life.” John 5:39-40

What are we doing here? Why do we “search the scriptures” or study the bible? Is it just to heap more information into our brains? Jesus tells us what the bible is for… to lead us to go to him so that we may have life. It’s how we spend time getting to know and love Jesus more and more. After all, the name “Jesus” means “God saves.” The Apostle Peter says,

“And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.” Acts 4:12

Thanks for reading. I hope this has given you a new sense of wonder at just how amazing our God is, that even a rag-tag list of names lays out perfectly His plan of salvation! As always feel free to leave a comment or email me.

John 5 Part 1- House of Mercy

Posted on April 22, 2016Leave a comment

Bethesda means “House of Mercy.” What do we need more than mercy when we are thoroughly wrapped up in our own self pity?

Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, in Aramaic called Bethesda, which has five roofed colonnades. In these lay a multitude of invalids—blind, lame, and paralyzed. One man was there who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. John 5:2-5

I haven’t done anything for 38 years. Maybe breathing since I’m just barely that old. But I have had significant times of both physical and spiritual lameness in my life. I’ve spent much of the past three years in a state of daily physical pain due to a hip injury. I’ve also spent much of the past few years paralyzed by fear. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of responsibility, fear of being wrong, fear of messing it all up. All these fears have been for me a spiritual bondage leading to inaction.

This is the account of a significant healing miracle that Jesus did in the life of one man. This passage says there was a “multitude of invalids.” Do you ever feel like just one of the crowd? Do you ever wonder what difference can one person make? What difference can I make? How can I help anyone when I can’t even help myself?

It’s very easy to talk yourself out of something that you know in your heart of hearts that God has called you to do. It’s easy to convince yourself that you are crazy and tell yourself God couldn’t possibly have picked you because you are so desperately unqualified. I fight these thoughts daily.

We are all so broken. There is a point we come to where enough is enough. Sometimes we don’t realize it, but Jesus is right around the corner. We don’t have any discernible faith, just a pocket full of lame excuses. But Jesus comes and finds us. For that man at the pool, this was his day.

When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be healed?” John 5:6

What compassion! Where are you hurting right now? Physically? Relationally? Emotionally? How long has it been? Jesus already knows.

Do you want to be healed? Do I want to be healed? Is our answer something like this?

The sick man answered him, “Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me.” John 5:7

Do we say, “Yes, but…”
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’m not strong enough.”
“I’m not smart enough.”
“I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”
“Getting in the water is my answer but I can’t get there.”
“Getting to church and community group is the answer, but I can’t get there.”
“Getting in the word and prayer is the answer but I don’t have time.”
“I’ve sinned too much for too long.”
“My past is too dark. I’m ashamed.”
or like the childhood classic my dad used to sing me when I was in the midst of a self-pity party…
“Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I’m goin’ out and eat worms…”

The absolutely radical thing about Jesus and His healing power is that it has nothing to do with us. Let me say that again. It has nothing to do with us. It is His mercy. Sometimes His mercy looks like His sufficient grace and mighty strength made perfect in our weakness. Sometimes it looks like radical, miraculous healing.

Jesus said to him, “Get up, take up your bed, and walk.” And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked. Now that day was the Sabbath. John 5:8-9

Jesus healed so many people so many different ways, but the goal is the same. Action.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

These last few months for me this looks like being healed of fear, getting up every morning, taking up my keyboard, and writing. This looks like finally letting go of all the excuses why I can’t or won’t or shouldn’t write. It looks like doing my physical therapy, getting to the gym and getting back to a place of physical fitness despite the hip pain. (Ironically, the more I go the less it hurts because then the joint doesn’t get stiff.) It’s seeing His mercy in my every-day life. It’s seeing Jesus looking at me and loving me, even when I’m the most broken and the least lovely. It looks like me sitting at His feet every day and letting Him wash me with the word.

How has Jesus touched you, healed you, been fixing your brokenness? Where in your life do you need healing now? What excuses have you been making? He’s right around the corner. He sees you. He loves you. He has new mercy for you today. So… Get up… take up your bed… and walk.

As always, thanks for reading. I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to comment on this post and share it with someone you know who need this encouragement today. Join me again next week when we’ll look at what the Pharisees had to say about this healing which took place on the Sabbath.

What’s so “Good” About Good Friday?

Posted on March 25, 20162 Comments

I remember as a kid, going to the Mission San Luis Rey in Oceanside, CA for Easter Mass with my family. I always loved the stained glass panels, the smooth, well worn wood of the pews, the slight tang of incense that never completely dissipates. The statues always intrigued me the most. There was of course Mary, robed in blue and white, with a look of absolute serenity beaming down on me.

There was one statue that always haunted me though. It’s of Christ just before he goes to the cross, beaten, bloody, hands tied, with a crown of thorns on his head and a deep red velvet robe draped over his shoulders. It’s called “Ecco Homo”, the latin words for what Pontius Pilate said after Jesus had been scourged, “Behold the Man.”

I’m not Catholic anymore, but I look forward to “Good Friday” service at the church I’m part of every year because when I really focus my mind on that image, the broken Christ, something amazing happens. The goodness of God is exposed. Might sound kinda crazy but let me explain with a little Bible Q & A.

If God is so good then why was Jesus, his anointed one, so badly treated?

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. Romans 5:6-11

Who really was this Jesus?

He is more beautiful than I was ever told as a child. His life was one of love, passion and mercy. He was unique in all that exists. Not created but the Creator Himself. Not just a mere man, but the embodiment of God’s goodness to mankind.

He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. Col 1:15-20

What’s so “Good” about Good Friday?

What does the cross give us?
Righteousness
Reconciliation
Forgiveness
Justification
Freedom
Adoption
Love
Hope
Peace
Eternal Life
Resurrection
Holy Spirit
Mercy
Grace

What does the cross take away?
Shame
Condemnation
Separation
Wrath
Spiritual Deadness
Hopelessness
Punishment
Sin
Death
Fear

Jesus loves me this I know…

So Jesus again said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. All who came before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep. And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd. For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life that I may take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This charge I have received from my Father.” John 10:7-18

Sunday’s Comin!

But today we focus in on the cross. In the hero’s journey it’s the moment when all hope seems lost. It’s the thick darkness that comes before the dawn. It’s the one who was supposed to rescue us all and save the day, dead. The apostles were scattered and afraid. They watched their best friend and mentor die.

He was oppressed, and he was afflicted,
yet he opened not his mouth;
like a lamb that is led to the slaughter,
and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent,
so he opened not his mouth. Isa 53:7

It’s the King of Kings, led like a lamb to be slaughtered, silent before his shearers. He is the Good Shepherd AND the Lamb that takes away the sin of the world. He did it all for love, and all for your sins and mine.

Our humanity says the hero doesn’t die… the hero rallies, stands up, finishes his fight and saves the day. Jesus wasn’t just interested in saving the day, but rather in saving you and me. That meant going all the way into death so he could fight death from the other side and rise again!

Today “Behold the Man,” knowing that you are his joy.

“…looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Heb 12:2

I hope this has encouraged you. I’d love for you to share in the comments what the cross of Christ has given you and what it has taken away.