hope – Smallchelle

Fall Faith

Posted on October 1, 20161 Comment

Fall is beautiful. We have scenes in our minds of leaves turning the color of amber and sunlight then being gently cradled by the breeze as they waft down and wait to be raked into delightful piles for children to jump in.

Fall is actually rather violent. Trees literally cut off their own leaves in the fall in order to survive winter. By the time the rain and the wind are knocking leaves down the tree is well and truly done with them.

The trees stand naked through the winter, sad sentinels of loss. Metabolism slows and it may appear that nothing is happening, but under the surface prep work is being done for the Spring. The tree stores up energy and nutrients, holding its breath, waiting to burst forth with new growth when the time is right.

Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him, and he will act.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday.
The steps of a man are established by the Lord,
when he delights in his way;
though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,
for the Lord upholds his hand.
Psalm 37:3-6, 23-24

Does the tree spend fall desperately try to hang on to those leaves? Does the tree spend winter worrying if the new leaves are coming? Does it bemoan its own nakedness? Does it wait anxiously? Of course not. It’s a tree. But in the Fall seasons of our lives we do all these things and more. We forget that there is a season for everything.

I’m recognizing a change of season in my own life right now. The Lord is showing me the leaves that I must cut off. He is inviting me into a time of quiet, slow metabolism. He is asking me to get soul naked and take a good look at my hard bark. He is also promising me new leaves and fruit in the spring.

“Chelle,“ you say, “you’re speaking in riddles! What are you talking about girl?”

I’m talking about this blog and my calling to share God’s word and encouragement with you my friends. This past year on the blog has been an amazing journey of faith for me. It’s been abundant fruit. It’s been Summer faith. It’s been God showing me that I can be disciplined. That I can (by a miracle of the Holy Spirit) get up early every morning and write. That I can hear his voice every day.

But now it’s time for Fall faith. It’s time to slow down. Time to let go. To cut it off. The blog will still be here, like the pile of leaves for the kids to play in. I may still post every now and then throughout the Fall and Winter, but my energy has to move away from the leaves you see here.

I’ll be spending Fall and Winter just studying and writing. I have plans, Lord willing, to launch some new things in the Spring. If I try to keep up posting here too I will be spread too thin and none if it will be done well.

Some of you are subscribed to my Blog Newsletter. Thank you so much! You have no idea what that has meant to me. I really do appreciate it. I plan to still send monthly emails with updates on my progress and possibly even previews of what I’m working on. If you don’t receive my newsletter yet I invite you to subscribe. My mailing list will be the first to know about the new things I’m working on.

Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love,
for in you I trust.
Make me know the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.
Deliver me from my enemies, O Lord!
I have fled to you for refuge.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God!
Let your good Spirit lead me
on level ground!
Psalm 143:8-10

Are you coming into a “Fall” season in your life? Does it feel like life is falling apart around you? Are you having to let go of something you love? I just want to encourage you that it is all part of the work God is doing in your life. Take the quiet season, with your branches stripped bare, and sink your roots deep into the word while you reach your arms to heaven in praise and worship Him. Trust that he is working in you now for fruit in a future season.

I had a Friend

Posted on August 27, 20162 Comments

Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God…”

I had a friend. She was a believer. We first met at a women’s retreat and were instant kindred spirits. She was a little bit younger than me but we had similar pasts that the Lord had delivered us from. We had both been into drugs and had children as teens out of wedlock. The Lord had rescued us both from so much. She lived in another state so she would fly out every other year just to come to retreat. We had maybe 4 or 5 retreats together. In between we would seldom talk but when we did we’d spend hours on the phone catching up on life. And at retreat it was like we’d never been apart, picking up our friendship right where we’d left off.

One year at retreat that bit of Psalm 46 was our theme. It was so powerful. God embraced us both in a very tender way that weekend.

As time went on my friend was drawn away into desperate sin that ended with her death. I can’t tell you the horror of that day. The soul crushing I experienced in the moment I found out she was gone. I felt like I was imploding, like all the air had been sucked from my lungs and I’d never breathe again. And when all the tears had been wept, and all the why’s had been asked, and all the whole world seemed upside down, God bid me to come, crawl into his lap and “be still.”

I can’t ever read Psalm 46 without thinking about my friend. I miss her dearly. I still see her mom every year at Women’s retreat. The one we were at together the year after my friend died was the hardest. She spent long hours telling me all that had happened the night her daughter died. We wept all over again. And then I spent long hours encouraging her with scripture upon scripture, lots of hugs and rivers of tears.

I believe my friend is in heaven, not because she was good, or somehow deserved it, but because God is good. I believe her faith, however tenuous, was real faith. I believe in the perseverance of the saints. I believe in eternal life. I believe God rescued my friend from a fate worse than death. I believe he saved her from herself, first in life, then in death.

The night before I found out she died, maybe even the moment of her death, I was at a Worship Night at our church. I was on my knees, crying, singing, “Light a fire down in my soul, that I can’t contain, that I can’t control, I want more of you God! I want more of you!” I remember it so vividly, and I think it was because of the emotional turmoil of the next few days. I held on desperately to that soul naked feeling that only comes from worshiping God. Knowing that it could as easily have been me and that but for the grace of God there go I.

She was in her early 30’s. She left behind a husband and three children. They grow more beautiful every day. My friends mom sends me pictures occasionally and I pray for them all often. She has been helping a lot with the kids and has that special relationship with them that only Grandparents get to have. Maybe even closer, stronger. They all lost someone so special. But God is with them. Carrying them through, giving them strength.

Someday I’ll see my friend again, in the hot tub at the giant women’s retreat in Heaven. And we’ll worship together and cry together, and then our Jesus will wipe away all our tears with his nail scarred hands. The hands that paid the price for all her sins and mine. And yours too my friend.

We really do need each other. No one was meant to grieve alone. No one is meant to suffer alone. We must fight against the enemy in the way we build Gospel relationships. He’s like a roaring lion that picks off the stragglers. The weak. The lonely. The proud who think they don’t need anyone else. I urge you desperately to get in relationship. You might not be able to know all the women at your church, but you can get to know one or two others.

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Life is short and hard but also fun and a great adventure. I hope this has encouraged you. It was hard for me to write, I still miss my friend very much. I went poking through old pictures this week just to see her smiling again. I spent some quiet time with God praying for her family. And I spent some time praying about how I can be a better friend. If we are friends (and this includes family) I want to thank you for that. Let’s have lunch, or get coffee, or hang out with our kids… Let’s take the time before it eventually takes us.

When I am Weak

Posted on July 16, 2016Leave a comment

I recently watched an episode of the T.V. show House in which the main character, Dr. Greg House was released from a lengthy stay at a psychiatric hospital with a party called his re-birth day. He spends a large portion of the episode making life miserable for everyone to prove that he’s “better” and ready to leave and get on with his life. He refuses to take his meds. He’s mean and disruptive. Then he’s sees what he perceives as the mistreatment of another patient, a young man who is delusional and believes he’s a superhero.

Pride Goes Before a Fall

House smuggles this patient off the grounds and takes him to a carnival where they go on a ride that simulates flying and play the “strongman” game where you use a hammer to send up a puck that rings a bell. After what appeared to be a fun time the young man climbs up to a ledge in a parking garage, and still believing he can fly, jumps from the ledge and is badly injured.

House realizes he was wrong. He couldn’t fix the young man’s delusion, and had in fact made it worse. The next scene shows House taking his meds. He is confronted by his roommate, who was also refusing meds.

Roommate says, “You let them get to you. They broke you.”

House replies “They didn’t break me, I am broken.”

I loved this. I saw Peter echoed here. At first so proud and confident to Jesus… “Though all deny you I will not deny you, I will go with you to death.” Then he denies Christ 3 times. Once he is humbled and recognizes his weakness is Jesus able to ask him to “feed his lambs.” Before his denial he was too strong and proud to serve anyone but himself. After his denial and repentance he had a full view of his own brokenness and his need for strength from a source outside himself.

When I am Weak then I am Strong

Over the course of the rest of the episode House learns how to open up for real to his therapist, stop trying to fix everyone else and apologize to and move on with the delusional man. Toward the end he suffers an emotional hurt and instead of going back to his addiction he seeks out his therapist and admits his pain and fear. It is at this moment the therapist tells him he’s finally ready to go back to “normal” life.

We can’t live a real Christian life until we admit that we can’t really live the Christian life! Paradoxical, I know. Paul explains this in Second Corinthians:

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:17

At a prayer meeting earlier this week a friend reminded me of the sermon on the mount where Jesus says, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” We are poor in spirit when we recognize we have a spiritual need and see God as the only answer to that need.

We have a choice to make every day. We can either stand in pride and do everything possible to gain and maintain our own kingdom, or we can surrender and trust the God who made us, who is trustworthy and true. We can seek His kingdom and know that He will give us everything we need in this life and the next. Even if it’s what God gave Paul, “sufficient grace.” And isn’t His grace worth more than anything this world has to offer?

Pillars for a Palace

Posted on July 2, 20161 Comment

Sometimes when reading scripture we have that moment when a single verse seems to jump off the page. It’s as if the Holy Spirit winks at us and says, “Here ya go, this one’s just for you.” It’s the light bulb going on, the “aha” moment. I love when this happens. It will often spark a treasure hunt where I spend time cross referencing through scripture and googling about the bit that caught my interest. This has been one of those verses from me.

May our sons in their youth
be like plants full grown,
our daughters like corner pillars
cut for the structure of a palace;
Psalm 144:12

Last time we talked about the three things needed to bring our kids to fruit bearing maturity, the Word, prayer, and guidance through hardship. Today we look at pillars and how this relates to our kids. How they are chosen, their purpose, and what it means to be the corner of a palace.

Cut for Beauty

Pillars are seen from the outside of a structure. Unlike modern construction which reduces everything to right angles and short ceilings, the pillars of the past were immense in size and beautiful. Some carved in simple channels others carved in ornate spirals. People travel for and wide just to glimpse what’s left of the marvels of the ancient Greek and Roman buildings with their soaring columns and beautiful construction.

Have you looked at your kids lately? Aren’t they cute? Aren’t they gorgeous? Aren’t they fearfully and wonderfully made? Have you ever just stared at your sleeping child and thanked God for their presence in your life? Make sure your kids know you love them. Make sure they know you see them as gifts and blessings from God in your life. It is all too easy to become frustrated and exasperated, especially in the “terrible two’s” or with a “broody teen.”

We don’t have to be at odds with our children. We should be teaching them what true beauty is and then doing whatever we can to make sure they know how beautiful God has made them, inside and out. Tell them what Ephesians 2:10 tells us, they they are God’s workmanship, his special works of art, made to show God’s glory in who they are and all that they do.

Cut for Strength

Pillars are strong, able to hold up very heavy loads in an incredibly stable support system. They connect the foundation to the roof beams. Often they were made from huge barrel shaped pieces of stone stacked on top of each other but the most impressive and strongest were cut from a single piece of stone. They were used in palaces, temples, and even tombs.

Raw materials were cut from quarries and transported sometimes miles to where they were needed. Marble for a pillar was chosen by master builders for its inherent strength. It may be hard to look at your kids, typically the weakest members of society, and see how they could be pillars. Know that God has chosen them, before the foundation of the world, to be your children.

He gives them strength for life the same way he gives us strength for life. The foundation they stand on is Christ and his word, the roof is the hope of heaven.

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” Matt 7:24-27

Cut in Community

A single pillar can be used as a monument, a guidepost, or even a warning (like Lot’s wife), but a single pillar cannot hold up a palace. Scripture through and through is about community and family. He is the God of Abraham, Isaac AND Jacob. When we pray we say “OUR Father”, and are encouraged over and over to love each other, serve each other and bear one another’s burdens.

A palace is full of pillars! They work together, standing on the same foundation, holding up the same roof, and the more pillars there are the more shelter they can hold up. As we strive to build our church community let’s make sure we are encouraging our kids in the same kinds of Gospel centered relationships. We do this through kids ministry at church but also by building and modeling healthy Gospel relationships with other moms and dads at church.

As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 2:4-5

We can be more than just people who go to the same place to worship on Sundays. We really can build a Gospel community but it doesn’t happen by accident. It takes time and intention.

What’s in My Cup?

Posted on June 17, 2016Leave a comment

Dirty dishes. We can hand wash them, or put them in the dishwasher and run it. Most of the time they come out pretty clean. But occasionally you grab something like a cereal bowl or coffee mug and look in to see Jupiter style coffee rings or cement-like pieces of yesterday’s breakfast stuck to the inside of that bowl like barnacles. Or worse yet, could you imagine doing the dishes but only washing the outside and ignoring the inside? It would look nice, wouldn’t it? But would you use it? No way.

My heart has been broken over the tragic loss of life in the shooting at Pulse, a gay nightclub in Orlando, Fl last weekend. I have been praying for the families that lost loved ones and for comfort and healing for the wounded. Throughout social media I have seen some great Christian responses to the tragedy and some shameful Christian responses. Have we forgotten that we are ALL broken image bearers of our Creator God?

Jesus is tender toward the wounded and brokenhearted in scripture but has a severe wake up call for people who think for one second that they are “better” than anyone else. I’ve been praying this week that God would give me a correct view of myself. What is my cup full of? Self righteousness that stinks like a sink full of week old dirty dishes? Or the grace of God that he wants me to pour out generously on everyone around me, gay, straight or otherwise?

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean.
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.“ Matthew 23:25-27

The word hypocrite was a term used to describe an actor who would wear a mask for entertainment, but here Jesus uses it to accuses the Pharisees of living a false life. Their outward actions are righteous to onlookers, but their hearts are full of greed, self-indulgence, hypocrisy and lawlessness.

A sinner can be saved, but a hypocrite will cling with a death-grip to the mask they fashion for themselves. The hypocrite believes that if they can’t be inwardly righteous then maintaining some facade of outward holiness will make them acceptable to God and other people.

Let’s take a look at the four traits of the Pharisees Jesus mentions here and ask God to show us where we might have some “dishwashing” to submit to. It’s uncomfortable, but a necessary part of repentance for the disciple of Christ.

Greed

Defined as an intense and selfish desire for something, especially wealth, power, or food. Its close cousins are envy and coveting. We have such a strange culture when it comes to greed. Advertisers constantly use a scarcity mindset to trick us into thinking we must buy what they are selling. It’s a “limited edition” and a “limited time only.” We are constantly barraged with the message that we don’t have enough.

When our pastors touch on the subject of finances at church we think about how hard we work for our money, and how much we deserve, and maybe we’ll give later when our finances are better. The question is, if we are not being generous with what we have now how can we expect to all of a sudden have a generous heart when we have more money? The answer is we won’t. The whole point of giving to God is that our finances were never meant to be our savior.

Self-Indulgence

This is an enjoyment to excess. While the Pharisees should have been helping the common people they were instead showboating their own righteousness. It fed their bloated egos. Praying loudly for all to hear, fasting to show off their holiness, tithing from their spice cabinets…

“Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward… “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward… “And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.” Matthew 6:2, 5, & 16

Are your spiritual practices done between you and the Lord or have you been seeking the approval and appreciation of man? The opposite of that self-indulgence is compassion. Eyes that see the world as Jesus did when he looked at the crowds and saw them as sheep with no shepherd. The Pharisees should have been taking care of the lost sheep of Israel but were instead showing off their own self-righteousness and lording their power over the people.

Hypocrisy

He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.” Luke 18:9-14

We fight against the hypocrisy inside ourselves with a humble admission of where we fall short. I heard a pastor say once that God’s Plan A is humility and that his Plan B is humiliation. What a wake up call. We all know someone who spent years hiding behind a mask of self-righteousness to eventually be humiliated openly by some secret sin. Maybe you have been or are one of them. Totally me, when I was living a double life as the good little Christian teenager but partying and sleeping with my boyfriend and ended up pregnant at 16.

If this is you humble yourself and come out of hiding now. Cry out, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!” And he will be! There is forgiveness and healing. It’s the beauty of the Gospel, the Good News that tells us Jesus washes away ALL our sins, even us hypocritical Christians.

Lawlessness

But wait a minute… Weren’t the Pharisees the most law abiding? Maybe on the outside but not in their hearts. And that’s Jesus’ whole point. They looked like amazing men of God. They insisted on the keeping of the letter of the law but missed the heart behind it. They were circumcised in their flesh but not in their hearts. They loved themselves and their positions of power over the people but they did not love God nor his people. It’s why they constantly criticized Jesus for healing on the Sabbath. It’s why they accused him of being demon possessed. It’s why they conspired to take him and had him killed.

What does this mean for us modern Christians? Is it possible that we can become lawless? James gives us an important insight.

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing. James 1:22-25

What is “the perfect law, the law of liberty?” Jesus freed us from the law of sin and death to the law of liberty. Not to be made free to continue in sin and unrighteousness but to be free to love in grace and mercy.

When a lawyer asked Jesus which of the commandments were the greatest his answer was so deep, yet so simple.

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:37-40

Luke 10:29 tells us that next the lawyer asked, “Who then is my neighbor?” to which Jesus replies with the story of the good Samaritan.

So I’m asking myself today, what’s in my cup? What is my response to the tragedy in Orlando?

First it is to cry out, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner!” To let the Lord cleanse me inside and out.

Second is to love my neighbor, no matter who they are. To pray for the broken and hurting and help by any means possible. To be the opposite of the hypocrites who are full of greed, self-indulgence, hypocrisy and lawlessness and strive daily to walk in generosity, compassion, humility and love, in the name of Jesus, by the power of the Holy Spirit.

As always, thanks for reading. I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to email me or leave a comment on this post.

Meltdown

Posted on May 27, 20164 Comments

“Without enough water, the fuel rods get so hot that they melt. If they begin to melt the nuclear reactor core and the steel containment vessel, and release radiation into the environment, nuclear meltdown occurs.” (Phys.org)

So every four or five years I have a total identity crisis. This happened last week in the form of an emotional meltdown that took my by surprise. The stress and depression was too much to bear and I got to a very dark place inside.

I get the feeling I’m not who I’m supposed to be, not who I was meant to be and I’m definitely not who I intended to be…

For as long as I can remember (since like 2nd grade) I wanted to be an English teacher. I love poetry, prose, mystery, horror, essay, romance, fantasy, grammar, technical poetry, classics, biography, song lyrics, articles, letters, speeches…

And if not a teacher then maybe a writer or journalist, writing fiction or news.

And if not any of that then maybe an editor, helping others to tell their stories well.

What do I have to show for the last 22 years? The things I made in my early days as a home decor seamstress are falling to tatters by now I imagine. Either that or they’ve been replaced by new things in more current trends of style and color. I just don’t care about that stuff anymore.

And of course I’ve got no one to blame but myself. The choices I made. I could have finished high school. I could have stayed at home. I could have given my baby away. I could have stayed in college, for as long as it took, even part time. I wanted it, but not bad enough apparently.

Professionally, I don’t want to be where I am now. I feel trapped and powerless. But of course we’ve got both proverbial and literal bills to pay and mouths to feed.

With this blog I’ve cracked the shell and started writing again, but right now it feels aimless. I feel like it’s what God has called me to do, but week after week I see so few people interested or impacted by it. I feel like I’m firing arrows in the dark and constantly missing the mark.

There’s a line from a Supertones song that describes this feeling perfectly… “Who I am is in between what I want to be and what I am.”

I want to be strong but I am weak. I want to be influential for the Gospel but I feel like a squeaking mouse. I’m trying so hard to encourage other people with the things I need encouragement in, but at the end of the day I’m exhausted, just like you.

I don’t know if I should put my blog on hold so I can focus on the devotional I want to write or try to fight through and do both. I love the daily prayer journal I get to write but I want to do more, devote more time, make it even more specific and encouraging. My brain feels fried. My heart aches. Meltdown.

I suppose just because I have a gifting and a passion doesn’t necessarily mean it’s my calling. Maybe that’s my biggest fear.

I can’t imagine another 5 or 10 years of things continuing the way they are. Something’s gotta give. Something’s gonna break. I have a sinking suspicion it will be me. I already feel the first cracks.

I am grateful for the jobs I have, professional seamstress, as well as sales associate at a retail fabric store. I love my husband and children, they are the bright spots. They are my safe haven.

I’m sure this is all a case of “the grass is greener.” As I listen wistfully to friends of mine that are teachers I hear their struggles too. They strive daily to make a difference in kids lives. Sometimes they succeed but I hear the despair that underlies their own daily grind.

I listen to podcasts by bloggers and authors that seem to be living the life I want, and I hear that it takes hard work and dedication. I’m not afraid of hard work and dedication. But I’m afraid at the end of the day that no one will be listening. I’ll turn out be the tree, falling in the forest, making a bunch of noise but with no one around to hear.

I know God has me where I am for a reason. I know it takes time to build something new. I know I am sowing seeds for the future. I don’t know exactly what that future is at this point. I know I need to be patient and keep walking this valley. I know it won’t keep on like this forever. Things will change. Eventually…

I’m praying for patience, perseverance, faithfulness, and open eyes. The enemy wants to trap me in fear that leads to inaction. I won’t let him. The enemy wants me to hide in shame. I don’t have time for that kind of self consciousness, there’s work to do. Kingdom work.

My meltdown was last Thursday and I wrote the bulk of this then with no intention to publish it. Mostly I was just pouring my heart out to God and trying to coax the fears into the light where I could get a good look at their ugly mugs.

Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I’ve already got my “big girl” pants on. I didn’t post all this to make you feel sorry for me. I just want to be authentic and truthful, we all have bad days.

Last Thursday was wretched, but by God’s providence I came home to my husband, who loves me and cares when my heart is hurting. And that night we went to our church community group, a safe place, where my friends encouraged and prayed for me. As we are studying Joy it’s of course the thing we are all being tested in right now.

As I prayed this week in the fallout from that meltdown I was asking, “Daddy, what do you want me to do?” And God, being ever loving and always faithful, responded to me with such tenderness. I read my Bible like normal, I listened to a few sermon podcasts, and God’s clear word to me was, “Don’t give up. Don’t despair. I am with you. I’m going to give you everything you need. Don’t stop praying. Don’t stop asking. Don’t let anything dilute the things I have put in your heart.”

Thanks for reading my little rant. I would really love to hear from you. Do you feel like you’ve found your calling?

Genesis 6 – In Wells, Clouds and Rainbows

Posted on May 20, 20161 Comment

A Year in the Life

How has the last year been for you? Anything significant happen? Any certain trial, illness, injury, or maybe something to rejoice over, marriage, baby, healing, reconciliation? A lot can happen in a year. Coming up on the end of the school year always makes me feel like the year is flying by far too fast. Soon it will be Christmas…

In the past year I’ve been to 3 weddings, 4 baby showers, and 2 funerals. I’ve nursed my kids through a dozen colds, a broken foot, and attended half a dozen of their music performances… And in between all those joys and sorrows is daily life, family, work, church, all while holding on to Jesus’ hand and knowing that when the floods come he’s holding me up.

Noah was 600 years old when the flood began and spent a total of 370 days in the ark. (Gen 7:6-19) The flood itself lasted only 150 days, but the process of the waters subsiding took another 220 days.

Where Did All the Water Go?

In the six hundred and first year, in the first month, the first day of the month, the waters were dried from off the earth. And Noah removed the covering of the ark and looked, and behold, the face of the ground was dry. In the second month, on the twenty-seventh day of the month, the earth had dried out. Gen 8:13-14

God put all that water back where it needed to be. He brought it out later, whenever he wanted to use it to show himself as the ultimate provider of life’s most necessary resource. Like when Moses brought water from the rock in the wilderness (Ex 17:6), or when He showed Hagar the well in the desert to save Ishmael. (Gen 21:19) It all came from the flood, running off into the depths and being brought forth when needed.

The 220 days it took the water to recede shows us that there is a process beyond surviving the storm. Some things are healed in an instant. Mostly it takes time to heal from the deep things. Grief takes time, wounds take time, bitterness takes time, destruction takes time.

Later, as the water makes it’s cycles in the clouds, God promises the rains as a blessing.

“But the land that you are going over to possess is a land of hills and valleys, which drinks water by the rain from heaven, a land that the Lord your God cares for. The eyes of the Lord your God are always upon it, from the beginning of the year to the end of the year.
And if you will indeed obey my commandments that I command you today, to love the Lord your God, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul, he will give the rain for your land in its season, the early rain and the later rain, that you may gather in your grain and your wine and your oil. And he will give grass in your fields for your livestock, and you shall eat and be full.” Deuteronomy 11:11-15

From Ark to Altar

As we face trials in our lives we often get discouraged and just wish things would go back to the way they were before. But it doesn’t work that way. We live with the fallout, consequences, and changes that come from trials and sin. Even if we’re not guilty, the sins done against us change us. We start to let go of hope and cling to bitterness.

I wonder if Noah became bitter or impatient with how long it took the earth to dry out. I wonder if he regretted obeying God. It doesn’t seem like it. What was Noah’s response at the end of the flood? One of the first things Noah did was build an altar and offer a sacrifice to God.

So Noah went out, and his sons and his wife and his sons’ wives with him. Every beast, every creeping thing, and every bird, everything that moves on the earth, went out by families from the ark.
Then Noah built an altar to the Lord and took some of every clean animal and some of every clean bird and offered burnt offerings on the altar. And when the Lord smelled the pleasing aroma, the Lord said in his heart, “I will never again curse the ground because of man, for the intention of man’s heart is evil from his youth. Neither will I ever again strike down every living creature as I have done. While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease.”
Gen 8:18-22

When it seems like every earthly comfort is taken away, is your first response worship? For me sometimes it is, but often it is not. I want to build altars of worship, instead of trying to rebuild and hold onto the idols God is trying to break down in my life.

What are the trials in our lives for? What does God mean to accomplish? His glory. His worship. The proof of His promises. To produce patience. To move us from Christian infancy to Christian maturity (Heb 5:11-14). It’s why James could say,

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4

It’s how we move from complaining to thankfulness, from anxiety to rest, from the lust of the flesh to a desire for holiness, from coveting to generosity, and from selfish distraction to humble devotion to Jesus.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

The flood radically changed the earth and left a mere 8 people and a boatload of critters standing at the end of it. It was a new beginning for Noah, his family, and creation itself with God’s beautiful covenant hung across heaven. A rainbow. A promise from God to never again flood the whole earth to destroy all flesh. (Gen 9:8-17) The funny thing about rainbows is, they require precipitation and sunlight at the same time. If our lives were perfect and storm free, start to finish, how would we ever see our need for God or the beautiful rainbows he wants to show us?

John 5 Part 2 – Scandalous

Posted on April 29, 2016Leave a comment

Jesus had a great habit of intentionally upsetting the status quo. The Jewish Sabbath started out in the deserts of Egypt as a much needed day of rest for the weary Jewish nation that had been delivered from the enslaving clutches of Pharaoh. As time went on and the temple sacrificial system was established the Sabbath was a time for the Jews to reflect on their sin and God’s provision to cover those sins by the blood of bulls, goats and lambs. By the time Jesus walked the earth the Sabbath had become a day of rule keeping. Don’t do this, and don’t do that. So instead of celebrating the lame man’s healing on the Sabbath, the Jews cling tighter to their rules and persecute Jesus, who came to be the ultimate Sabbath Lamb.

Who Do We Have Here?

First we have Jesus. And Jesus is always first. Last time we well established that he came seeking this man, like a lost sheep, to heal him.

Next we have the invalid man. We don’t know how old he was, but we are told in verse 5 that he was there for 38 years. Verse 4 (in some manuscripts) tell us that the people by the pool were “waiting for the moving of the water; for an angel of the Lord went down at certain seasons into the pool, and stirred the water: whoever stepped in first after the stirring of the water was healed of whatever disease he had.”

Then we have “the Jews.” This referred to the hardcore Jewish religious leaders, a.k.a. Pharisees, Sadducees, and Scribes, that were opposing Jesus in those days. They have very strong beliefs about their religion and the Sabbath rules. Their pride and legalism constantly blinded them to the truth of who Jesus was.

Breaking the Rules

And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked.
Now that day was the Sabbath. So the Jews said to the man who had been healed, “It is the Sabbath, and it is not lawful for you to take up your bed.” But he answered them, “The man who healed me, that man said to me, ‘Take up your bed, and walk.’” They asked him, “Who is the man who said to you, ‘Take up your bed and walk’?” (John 5:9-12)

This poor guy, just finally after 38 years of laying down, helpless, having to beg everyone else to do everything for him, stands up, picks up his bed, and walks… and gets pulled over for speeding!

Sabbath was a day of rest for the Jews, part of their covenant with God. They took it very seriously. God gave them one rule about it…

“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.” Exodus 20:8-11

The Jews were so bent on not breaking the Sabbath that they defined “work” with a list of their own rules in their own terms. The Talmud contains 39 categories of activity prohibited on the Sabbath. Even in current times they have so many systems in place to keep from breaking their own Sabbath rules, like elevators that stop at every floor so they don’t have to “work” by pushing a button. Despite continued modern observance of Sabbath rules, many have lost sight of the original purpose, a day to rest and trust in the Lord.

Sin no More

“Now the man who had been healed did not know who it was, for Jesus had withdrawn, as there was a crowd in the place. Afterward Jesus found him in the temple and said to him, “See, you are well! Sin no more, that nothing worse may happen to you.” John 5:13-14

Maybe it was this man’s sin that originally landed him on that mat for 38 years. Is a “sin no more” lifestyle even possible in our modern day? I honestly can’t even drive on the freeway without sinning. Here’s a couple of encouraging scriptures about this.

“What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.” Romans 6:1-4

That’s the amazing part of the Good News! 1 Cor 6:11 says,

“And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

It is from a position of security in the love of Christ, knowing that he has already cleansed us, that we can overcome the persistent sins in our lives.

Sabbath Scandal

“The man went away and told the Jews that it was Jesus who had healed him. And this was why the Jews were persecuting Jesus, because he was doing these things on the Sabbath.” John 5:15-16

The Sabbath they accused him of breaking was actually fulfilled by him. Colossians 2:16-17 tells us

Therefore let no one pass judgment on you in questions of food and drink, or with regard to a festival or a new moon or a Sabbath. These are a shadow of the things to come, but the substance belongs to Christ.

So how does Jesus answer these accusations from the Pharisees concerning the Sabbath?

“But Jesus answered them, “My Father is working until now, and I am working.” This was why the Jews were seeking all the more to kill him, because not only was he breaking the Sabbath, but he was even calling God his own Father, making himself equal with God.” John 5:17-18

After 38 years of rest Jesus’ words to the invalid were a call to trust that led to freedom. Sabbath rest is all about trusting that God is sovereign and will provide all we need as we rest in Him. Jesus is our Sabbath, so we can stop “working” at being so good, like the pharisees and just be in Christ.

Who are we in this miracle account? The lame man, waiting for a touch from Jesus? Healed and whole, walking in freedom? The religious rules lawyers that look down our noses in anger and people who don’t worship God exactly the way we do? Pray today and ask God to show you where there might be a tendency toward legalism in your heart, then confess and spend some time thanking Jesus for fulfilling all of the law that you couldn’t.

As always, thank you for reading. Share this with someone you know needs encouragement. And I’d love to hear from you, feel free to leave a comment below.

John 5 Part 1- House of Mercy

Posted on April 22, 2016Leave a comment

Bethesda means “House of Mercy.” What do we need more than mercy when we are thoroughly wrapped up in our own self pity?

Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, in Aramaic called Bethesda, which has five roofed colonnades. In these lay a multitude of invalids—blind, lame, and paralyzed. One man was there who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. John 5:2-5

I haven’t done anything for 38 years. Maybe breathing since I’m just barely that old. But I have had significant times of both physical and spiritual lameness in my life. I’ve spent much of the past three years in a state of daily physical pain due to a hip injury. I’ve also spent much of the past few years paralyzed by fear. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of responsibility, fear of being wrong, fear of messing it all up. All these fears have been for me a spiritual bondage leading to inaction.

This is the account of a significant healing miracle that Jesus did in the life of one man. This passage says there was a “multitude of invalids.” Do you ever feel like just one of the crowd? Do you ever wonder what difference can one person make? What difference can I make? How can I help anyone when I can’t even help myself?

It’s very easy to talk yourself out of something that you know in your heart of hearts that God has called you to do. It’s easy to convince yourself that you are crazy and tell yourself God couldn’t possibly have picked you because you are so desperately unqualified. I fight these thoughts daily.

We are all so broken. There is a point we come to where enough is enough. Sometimes we don’t realize it, but Jesus is right around the corner. We don’t have any discernible faith, just a pocket full of lame excuses. But Jesus comes and finds us. For that man at the pool, this was his day.

When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be healed?” John 5:6

What compassion! Where are you hurting right now? Physically? Relationally? Emotionally? How long has it been? Jesus already knows.

Do you want to be healed? Do I want to be healed? Is our answer something like this?

The sick man answered him, “Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me.” John 5:7

Do we say, “Yes, but…”
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’m not strong enough.”
“I’m not smart enough.”
“I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”
“Getting in the water is my answer but I can’t get there.”
“Getting to church and community group is the answer, but I can’t get there.”
“Getting in the word and prayer is the answer but I don’t have time.”
“I’ve sinned too much for too long.”
“My past is too dark. I’m ashamed.”
or like the childhood classic my dad used to sing me when I was in the midst of a self-pity party…
“Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I’m goin’ out and eat worms…”

The absolutely radical thing about Jesus and His healing power is that it has nothing to do with us. Let me say that again. It has nothing to do with us. It is His mercy. Sometimes His mercy looks like His sufficient grace and mighty strength made perfect in our weakness. Sometimes it looks like radical, miraculous healing.

Jesus said to him, “Get up, take up your bed, and walk.” And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked. Now that day was the Sabbath. John 5:8-9

Jesus healed so many people so many different ways, but the goal is the same. Action.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

These last few months for me this looks like being healed of fear, getting up every morning, taking up my keyboard, and writing. This looks like finally letting go of all the excuses why I can’t or won’t or shouldn’t write. It looks like doing my physical therapy, getting to the gym and getting back to a place of physical fitness despite the hip pain. (Ironically, the more I go the less it hurts because then the joint doesn’t get stiff.) It’s seeing His mercy in my every-day life. It’s seeing Jesus looking at me and loving me, even when I’m the most broken and the least lovely. It looks like me sitting at His feet every day and letting Him wash me with the word.

How has Jesus touched you, healed you, been fixing your brokenness? Where in your life do you need healing now? What excuses have you been making? He’s right around the corner. He sees you. He loves you. He has new mercy for you today. So… Get up… take up your bed… and walk.

As always, thanks for reading. I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to comment on this post and share it with someone you know who need this encouragement today. Join me again next week when we’ll look at what the Pharisees had to say about this healing which took place on the Sabbath.

Functional Faith

Posted on March 11, 2016Leave a comment

Sometimes we talk about faith like it’s a muscle we exercise to make it stronger, but with how my muscles behave after exercise I’m not sure it’s a valid comparison. Maybe it is…. Does my faith get sore after heavy use? Does my faith need a rest day? Does my faith get injured if I use it too much? Nah.

I’ve been hearing a lot lately about “functional fitness” and I think there is a comparison to faith in that way. Do I have “functional faith?” Is my faith strong and well nourished so that when it needs to lift a heavy load or go a distance it can? Do we want “functional faith” as badly as we want “functional fitness?”

In our faith there is a deadlift coming. It’s not something we can just walk away from. It must be lifted. Someone is going to get sick. Someone is going to lose a job. Someone is even going to die.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

Do we treat church on Sunday like the machines at the local Globo gym that isolate muscles and never teaches them to work together? Are we tracking steps but not going anywhere? Or do we use Church like the training grounds it’s meant to be? Barbells, and Kettlebells and Burpees? The burpees that knock us down and teach us how to get back up again.

Church is meant to be a safe place for faith to function so we don’t see our faith fail outside the walls. Do we stare ahead at the worship team just listening, or do we take a deep breath and explode with worship? Do we sit through the sermon internally complaining about the squeaky AC vent (guilty!) or do we concentrate on what the Spirit is trying to teach us? Do we pray like we mean it and believe God hears us, or do we pray just to make people feel better about life?

Are we apathetic? Do we shrug at the folks around us with a “glad it’s not me” attitude while they are carrying heavy burdens, or do we encourage them? “Good work!” “You got this!” “Keep your butt low and your chest up!” Or rather, “Let’s get on our knees and lift this up to the Lord!”

Tenacious G

There are two ways to fail. You either don’t try, or you fall and don’t get back up. Aside from being functional the word tenacious comes to mind. Here’s what “tenacious” means:

A strong grip or an unyielding advocate might both be described as tenacious, a word whose synonyms include resolute, firm, and persistent. The word comes from the Latin root tenax, which means “holding fast.” (vocabulary.com)

I want that kind of tenacious faith! The awesome thing is that God’s word show us that more often than us grabbing hold of God, He is the one who upholds us. Jesus is our unyielding advocate with a strong grip on us. Isaiah 41:10 says:

fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Church isn’t only a place to exercise our faith, but also a place to hear the Gospel that reminds us it is God who upholds us when we are weak. Our strength doesn’t come from inside ourselves, but rather comes from believing that God is holding us up, whether we are on our feet, on our knees, or curled up in the fetal position getting kicked in the gut by life.

Tenacious faith doesn’t stand up on it’s own like a pillar, it’s the ivy vine that clings to the pillar, and no matter how hard it gets pruned down, it always comes back. Tenacious! We don’t have enough strength, muscle, backbone, faith or anything else to stand on our own, but we can hold on for dear life to Jesus who does. Romans 8:35-38 gives us this hope:

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,
“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

What an awesome scripture to meditate on! If you’ve been encouraged by this today please feel free to leave a comment below or share this post. I appreciate you reading.

Resources

For Functional Faith check out Life Mission Church or a local Church near you this Sunday!

For Functional Fitness check out Crossfit 2.0 or a local Crossfit Box near you!

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