grace – Smallchelle

Broken Tree, Broken Me

Posted on December 23, 20169 Comments

I have a confession. I am a critic. I have struggled all my life with being hyper critical and judgmental. It’s a little better now, I’ve learned to let a lot of things slide. You can’t have a peaceful home if you don’t learn to let the little things slide. But am also the most critical of myself. I set high standards for myself and when I fail, whether it’s my fault or not, I tend to take it very personally.

Our church rents a school for our Sunday services and last Sunday I was horrified. I had gotten an email ahead of time that the school had a function over the weekend and moved some of our Christmas decorations that were set up in the main venue. One of these was the 6’ artificial tree I had donated and decorated with the help of one of our church kids.

It wasn’t much, pretty small for a tree, but we made it pretty as best we could. The star on top wouldn’t work, and the lighting on the lower branches tends to short out, but we made do. Covered it in glitter balls, ribbon, little tiny angels and some small silk poinsettia sprigs.

When I got to church Sunday it was worse than I though. One of our ushers was carrying the tree back into the main venue from the lobby. The ribbon was mostly off and trailing, the star on top was barely hanging on, a third of the ornaments were missing. Then following close behind was another usher with the tree skirt full of the missing ornaments, many of them broken and lacking hooks.

I looked at the clock… an hour before service. I have time to fix this. Meanwhile in the background the kids were dress rehearsing their Christmas performance, singing like angels and reading scriptures.

My husband reset the star on top. I plugged in the tree to see how the lights were working. The entire bottom half wouldn’t light up. I tried tracing all the plugs, but it was hopeless. The wires were so jumbled up, some of them must have come unplugged when the school moved it. I managed to get all of it lit except for that funky lower set of branches.

I unwound the ribbon stream and rewound it from the bottom up. It also was tangled with the lighting wires. By now tears are prickling in my eyes. I take a deep breath and open the tree skirt to take stock of what ornaments we have. I asked one of my friends to help me put the usable ones back on the tree. We filled in the empty spaces as best we could and then I hid the broken ornaments inside the empty Christmas boxes that were part of the decoration under the tree.

There was still a little bit of time so I sat behind the tree, back to the wall, to try and figure out the lights one last time. The longer I sat there the more upset I got till hot tears finally spilled down my cheeks. We’re supposed to offer God our best, right? Yet we know our best is never good enough. My best was broken.

I’m used to making beautiful things with my hands. I wanted to bless my church family with a beautiful tree in the venue. But this broken thing defeated me. I felt like it was a reflection of my own brokenness. I felt like if people saw the broken tree they would want someone to blame… and that would be me.

My husband spotted me crying behind the tree and came over. He offered his hand and said there was nothing more I could do, to just let it go. I knew he was right but I took his hand reluctantly and let him help me up. He gave me a big hug and told me it was ok.

Later on the way home from church I confessed my broken feelings to him and he was so understanding. I know this is something the Lord is working on in me.

And isn’t that the true meaning of Christmas. That Jesus came to heal our brokenness and fill our empty places. Jesus is the light. Does it matter if the lights on my tree won’t work? Does it matter if my star won’t shine?

John 1:5 says, “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

Not even the darkness of a broken down Christmas tree. Really, God used that moment to remind me Jesus is all the light I need.

Friend, how is your Christmas prep going? Take a deep breath. Whatever is going wrong, give it to Jesus. He knows your heart, he know’s you’re just dust, he knows your best is not “good enough” but He loves you and he has more spiritual gifts for you this Christmas than all the pretty wrapped presents in the world. He gives himself, takes our brokenness and gives us his perfection instead. Let’s accept that grace and spread it all around. Amen? Amen.

Barking Spiders

Posted on September 10, 2016Leave a comment

Have you ever had anyone tell you, “you sound just like your mother/father!” It’s not usually meant as a compliment. As we grow up we pick up a lot of the language and attitudes of those we spend the most time with. Then we have kids of our own and find ourselves saying the same things that we constantly heard growing up.

Some are silly, like at our house my dad used to claim his noisy farts were caused by “barking spiders.” Or how bout good old “pull my finger.”

Some are multi-generational. “Your grandma used to say… ‘If it was a piece of candy you would have found it!’ or ‘If it was a snake it woulda bit ya!’,” are things my mom would say when she easily found something I had been searching for. Or one my dad picked up from my grandpa and often said when my brother and I were being rambunctious… “I’m gonna whomp you with a knotted plow line!” I don’t even know what that is, but I’m certain it’s something they had back on the farm…

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear,slow to speak, slow to anger;” James 1:19

Sometimes we shock ourselves, like the first time I yelled at my kid, “Go to your room!” Oh man, I hated being sent to my room as a kid and promised myself I’d never do that to my kids… but… when tantrums and tempers flare… dang, I’m just like my mom.

“Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” Colossians 3:21

I had some tough times growing up. No parents ever do everything right, but I think they do the best they know how. We have to look at our past with a lot of grace, especially because as we raise our own kids we’re going to need that grace from them.

“…be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,” Ephesians 5:18b-20

We pick up on the good things from our parents too. Like hundreds of bedtime stories and a million “I love you”s. Like thousands of family dinners around the table talking about “how was your day?” and “What did you learn at school?” and “How’s the new guy at work?” On Fridays we would spread out a bed sheet on the living room floor for a “picnic dinner” and watch a VHS movie from Video Library. There were beach days and backyard BBQ’s, family vacations and our annual trip to Del Mar Fair for shopping, food and carnival rides. And big family gatherings at 4th of July, Thanksgiving and Christmas, where the adults sat around talking politics while playing cards and the cousins all ran wild… but not too wild.

“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” Romans 12:10

Of course this was my suburban youth, and the things I remember. This was the culture I grew up in. I’ve been watching the new Netflix show “Stranger Things” and the 80’s nostalgia is so thick. Maybe that’s where all this is coming from. We just had our annual family reunion too. Making new memories while reminiscing about the “good ol’ days.” It’s good to look back and remember… especially all the fun times.

“The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life,” Proverbs 10:11a

When my kids are grown I wonder what they will remember from growing up in our home. What phrases will they say to my eventual grandkids? What traditions and values will they continue? Will they remember the “barking spiders?”

Thanks for tripping down memory lane with me. I’d love to hear a fun memory or funny saying your parents always used. Feel free to share in the comments below.

When I am Weak

Posted on July 16, 2016Leave a comment

I recently watched an episode of the T.V. show House in which the main character, Dr. Greg House was released from a lengthy stay at a psychiatric hospital with a party called his re-birth day. He spends a large portion of the episode making life miserable for everyone to prove that he’s “better” and ready to leave and get on with his life. He refuses to take his meds. He’s mean and disruptive. Then he’s sees what he perceives as the mistreatment of another patient, a young man who is delusional and believes he’s a superhero.

Pride Goes Before a Fall

House smuggles this patient off the grounds and takes him to a carnival where they go on a ride that simulates flying and play the “strongman” game where you use a hammer to send up a puck that rings a bell. After what appeared to be a fun time the young man climbs up to a ledge in a parking garage, and still believing he can fly, jumps from the ledge and is badly injured.

House realizes he was wrong. He couldn’t fix the young man’s delusion, and had in fact made it worse. The next scene shows House taking his meds. He is confronted by his roommate, who was also refusing meds.

Roommate says, “You let them get to you. They broke you.”

House replies “They didn’t break me, I am broken.”

I loved this. I saw Peter echoed here. At first so proud and confident to Jesus… “Though all deny you I will not deny you, I will go with you to death.” Then he denies Christ 3 times. Once he is humbled and recognizes his weakness is Jesus able to ask him to “feed his lambs.” Before his denial he was too strong and proud to serve anyone but himself. After his denial and repentance he had a full view of his own brokenness and his need for strength from a source outside himself.

When I am Weak then I am Strong

Over the course of the rest of the episode House learns how to open up for real to his therapist, stop trying to fix everyone else and apologize to and move on with the delusional man. Toward the end he suffers an emotional hurt and instead of going back to his addiction he seeks out his therapist and admits his pain and fear. It is at this moment the therapist tells him he’s finally ready to go back to “normal” life.

We can’t live a real Christian life until we admit that we can’t really live the Christian life! Paradoxical, I know. Paul explains this in Second Corinthians:

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:17

At a prayer meeting earlier this week a friend reminded me of the sermon on the mount where Jesus says, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” We are poor in spirit when we recognize we have a spiritual need and see God as the only answer to that need.

We have a choice to make every day. We can either stand in pride and do everything possible to gain and maintain our own kingdom, or we can surrender and trust the God who made us, who is trustworthy and true. We can seek His kingdom and know that He will give us everything we need in this life and the next. Even if it’s what God gave Paul, “sufficient grace.” And isn’t His grace worth more than anything this world has to offer?

Pillars for a Palace

Posted on July 2, 20161 Comment

Sometimes when reading scripture we have that moment when a single verse seems to jump off the page. It’s as if the Holy Spirit winks at us and says, “Here ya go, this one’s just for you.” It’s the light bulb going on, the “aha” moment. I love when this happens. It will often spark a treasure hunt where I spend time cross referencing through scripture and googling about the bit that caught my interest. This has been one of those verses from me.

May our sons in their youth
be like plants full grown,
our daughters like corner pillars
cut for the structure of a palace;
Psalm 144:12

Last time we talked about the three things needed to bring our kids to fruit bearing maturity, the Word, prayer, and guidance through hardship. Today we look at pillars and how this relates to our kids. How they are chosen, their purpose, and what it means to be the corner of a palace.

Cut for Beauty

Pillars are seen from the outside of a structure. Unlike modern construction which reduces everything to right angles and short ceilings, the pillars of the past were immense in size and beautiful. Some carved in simple channels others carved in ornate spirals. People travel for and wide just to glimpse what’s left of the marvels of the ancient Greek and Roman buildings with their soaring columns and beautiful construction.

Have you looked at your kids lately? Aren’t they cute? Aren’t they gorgeous? Aren’t they fearfully and wonderfully made? Have you ever just stared at your sleeping child and thanked God for their presence in your life? Make sure your kids know you love them. Make sure they know you see them as gifts and blessings from God in your life. It is all too easy to become frustrated and exasperated, especially in the “terrible two’s” or with a “broody teen.”

We don’t have to be at odds with our children. We should be teaching them what true beauty is and then doing whatever we can to make sure they know how beautiful God has made them, inside and out. Tell them what Ephesians 2:10 tells us, they they are God’s workmanship, his special works of art, made to show God’s glory in who they are and all that they do.

Cut for Strength

Pillars are strong, able to hold up very heavy loads in an incredibly stable support system. They connect the foundation to the roof beams. Often they were made from huge barrel shaped pieces of stone stacked on top of each other but the most impressive and strongest were cut from a single piece of stone. They were used in palaces, temples, and even tombs.

Raw materials were cut from quarries and transported sometimes miles to where they were needed. Marble for a pillar was chosen by master builders for its inherent strength. It may be hard to look at your kids, typically the weakest members of society, and see how they could be pillars. Know that God has chosen them, before the foundation of the world, to be your children.

He gives them strength for life the same way he gives us strength for life. The foundation they stand on is Christ and his word, the roof is the hope of heaven.

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” Matt 7:24-27

Cut in Community

A single pillar can be used as a monument, a guidepost, or even a warning (like Lot’s wife), but a single pillar cannot hold up a palace. Scripture through and through is about community and family. He is the God of Abraham, Isaac AND Jacob. When we pray we say “OUR Father”, and are encouraged over and over to love each other, serve each other and bear one another’s burdens.

A palace is full of pillars! They work together, standing on the same foundation, holding up the same roof, and the more pillars there are the more shelter they can hold up. As we strive to build our church community let’s make sure we are encouraging our kids in the same kinds of Gospel centered relationships. We do this through kids ministry at church but also by building and modeling healthy Gospel relationships with other moms and dads at church.

As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 2:4-5

We can be more than just people who go to the same place to worship on Sundays. We really can build a Gospel community but it doesn’t happen by accident. It takes time and intention.

Full Grown Youth

Posted on June 25, 2016Leave a comment

This week I asked my boys if they were a fruit tree what kind of fruit tree would they be? “Dragonfruit!” said my 13 (almost 14) year old, and “Banana!” said my 10 year old. Exotic kids. And surprising answers that matched them perfectly. One unique, different, unusual, and the other practical, helpful and consistent.

The children are moving up in the world. This week the older boy got “promoted” from 8th grade to “Freshman!” The younger boy finished 4th grade and has one year left of Elementary School. Where have my babies gone? I spent a lot of time this week praying for my boys and the future God has for them. Not just that they would be good and obedient, though some days my prayers are like that. But rather that they would know and trust Him the way I do. Scratch that… I pray that they would know and trust Him better than I do.

May our sons in their youth
be like plants full grown,
our daughters like corner pillars
cut for the structure of a palace;
Psalm 144:12

I came across this little set of verses in the Psalms one day a month or so ago and it really struck a chord with me. What a bold prayer. It gave me a little heart check. It made me stop and ask myself “what do I pray for my kids?” As a worried mom I often just white knuckle my way with prayers like “let them be good, and not screw up their lives and not get on drugs and not find porn on the internet and not have sex till they’re married.” (No pressure kids…)

This Psalm gives us a hint of what God wants for our children and what he desires us to pray for them. In many places the bible speaks highly of the faith of children. Our kids can be mature believers in Christ but it’s the same process we go through. Growing like plants, which we’ll look at today, and cut into shape like pillars, which we’ll learn about in the next post.

It takes three things to bring a seedling to fruit bearing maturity. Roots in the water, leaves in the light and air, and pruning. So many verses compare believers to plants. Let’s look at a couple of them in light of our kids.

Roots in the Water – The Word

Scripture compares itself to water. It washes us, quenches our thirst, nourishes us. God provided miracle water for the children of Israel in the desert then Jesus offered himself to us as living water. We are baptised in water as an outward symbol of faith in Jesus.

Blessed is the man
who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
but his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree
planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.
Psalm 1:1-3

Science tells us the human body is up to 75% water and when we don’t drink enough we dehydrate. If the dehydration is bad enough our body systems start shutting down and eventually we die. It is the most necessary element for life.

Our children depend on us for physical food and water, which we happily provide for them a few times every day. We are called as parents to minister to our children’s spiritual needs as well. We must be nourishing our children with the water of the word every day. For little ones this could be simply reading a small story out of an illustrated children’s bible. When our kids were little our favorite was “The Jesus Storybook Bible” by Sally Lloyd-Jones.

Now that my kids are older my 13 year old reads the bible to me and our 10 year old during our morning drive to school. We’ve read through and memorized a few different Psalms and we’re currently reading the Gospel of John. Just a few verses a day is enough to open up amazing discussions about the Gospel, who God is and what he has done for us. It helps us tie scripture to our daily lives and activities. This is how we root our kids in the Gospel for a lifetime of loving God and loving others.

Of course we haven’t always done this perfectly. We work full time and have a lot of things going on like I’m sure you all do. When kids are very little it’s hard to make the bible a priority. I remember days as a young mom when I was lucky to get a shower and a hot meal, much less a few minutes in the word. If this is your season with very little kids and babies give yourself some grace. The Holy Spirit knows your heart. Throw on some praise music. Pray for small opportunities to work the word into your lives and then be ready to pounce when you see one.

Leaves in the Sun and Air – Prayer

We don’t just listen to God. He loves us so much he actually listens to us. The leaves of trees don’t only take in sunlight but they breathe like we do. They filter out carbon dioxide and release life giving oxygen into the atmosphere. Prayer is like breathing with God. In the same way Jesus taught his disciples to pray, and the disciples taught the churches to pray, we ought to be teaching our children to pray.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7

Modeling this kind of daily prayer with our kids teaches them about their relationship with God. Kids can rejoice in our savior. Kids can show gratitude for God’s many blessings. Kids grow in compassion by asking God to help hurting people. Kids can trust God to take care of them. Kids can have the peace of God guard their hearts (emotions) and minds (thoughts).

Pruning – Hardship

I hate to see my kids sick or suffering. And if someone is messing with them… look out! But in reality, if we want to see the fruit of the Spirit in our kids lives we have to help them understand hardship and how we handle it.

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit… I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing… If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” John 15: 1, 2, 5, 7-11

The truth is, life isn’t fair. I believe our job is to protect our youngest ones from harm and suffering, but as they grow we must teach them how to obey the rules for their own good. We don’t let our kids play in the street or eat ice cream for every meal. We don’t make a baby change his own diaper, but we eventually teach him to clean up after himself.

This submission to pruning is something we model to our kids. When you are seeking God’s will in prayer invite your kids into it. If they are old enough to pray they are old enough to help us pray for God’s wisdom in our lives as parents. They will see how we seek the Lord in our own hard times for guidance, wisdom, patience and provision. As they see God answering prayer in our lives they will connect with God in powerful ways. They understand more than we give them credit for.

I hope this has encouraged you to pray bold new prayers for your kids. Next time we’ll look at the second half of the verse and learn what it means to be a corner pillar cut for a palace.

What’s in My Cup?

Posted on June 17, 2016Leave a comment

Dirty dishes. We can hand wash them, or put them in the dishwasher and run it. Most of the time they come out pretty clean. But occasionally you grab something like a cereal bowl or coffee mug and look in to see Jupiter style coffee rings or cement-like pieces of yesterday’s breakfast stuck to the inside of that bowl like barnacles. Or worse yet, could you imagine doing the dishes but only washing the outside and ignoring the inside? It would look nice, wouldn’t it? But would you use it? No way.

My heart has been broken over the tragic loss of life in the shooting at Pulse, a gay nightclub in Orlando, Fl last weekend. I have been praying for the families that lost loved ones and for comfort and healing for the wounded. Throughout social media I have seen some great Christian responses to the tragedy and some shameful Christian responses. Have we forgotten that we are ALL broken image bearers of our Creator God?

Jesus is tender toward the wounded and brokenhearted in scripture but has a severe wake up call for people who think for one second that they are “better” than anyone else. I’ve been praying this week that God would give me a correct view of myself. What is my cup full of? Self righteousness that stinks like a sink full of week old dirty dishes? Or the grace of God that he wants me to pour out generously on everyone around me, gay, straight or otherwise?

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean.
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.“ Matthew 23:25-27

The word hypocrite was a term used to describe an actor who would wear a mask for entertainment, but here Jesus uses it to accuses the Pharisees of living a false life. Their outward actions are righteous to onlookers, but their hearts are full of greed, self-indulgence, hypocrisy and lawlessness.

A sinner can be saved, but a hypocrite will cling with a death-grip to the mask they fashion for themselves. The hypocrite believes that if they can’t be inwardly righteous then maintaining some facade of outward holiness will make them acceptable to God and other people.

Let’s take a look at the four traits of the Pharisees Jesus mentions here and ask God to show us where we might have some “dishwashing” to submit to. It’s uncomfortable, but a necessary part of repentance for the disciple of Christ.

Greed

Defined as an intense and selfish desire for something, especially wealth, power, or food. Its close cousins are envy and coveting. We have such a strange culture when it comes to greed. Advertisers constantly use a scarcity mindset to trick us into thinking we must buy what they are selling. It’s a “limited edition” and a “limited time only.” We are constantly barraged with the message that we don’t have enough.

When our pastors touch on the subject of finances at church we think about how hard we work for our money, and how much we deserve, and maybe we’ll give later when our finances are better. The question is, if we are not being generous with what we have now how can we expect to all of a sudden have a generous heart when we have more money? The answer is we won’t. The whole point of giving to God is that our finances were never meant to be our savior.

Self-Indulgence

This is an enjoyment to excess. While the Pharisees should have been helping the common people they were instead showboating their own righteousness. It fed their bloated egos. Praying loudly for all to hear, fasting to show off their holiness, tithing from their spice cabinets…

“Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward… “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward… “And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.” Matthew 6:2, 5, & 16

Are your spiritual practices done between you and the Lord or have you been seeking the approval and appreciation of man? The opposite of that self-indulgence is compassion. Eyes that see the world as Jesus did when he looked at the crowds and saw them as sheep with no shepherd. The Pharisees should have been taking care of the lost sheep of Israel but were instead showing off their own self-righteousness and lording their power over the people.

Hypocrisy

He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.” Luke 18:9-14

We fight against the hypocrisy inside ourselves with a humble admission of where we fall short. I heard a pastor say once that God’s Plan A is humility and that his Plan B is humiliation. What a wake up call. We all know someone who spent years hiding behind a mask of self-righteousness to eventually be humiliated openly by some secret sin. Maybe you have been or are one of them. Totally me, when I was living a double life as the good little Christian teenager but partying and sleeping with my boyfriend and ended up pregnant at 16.

If this is you humble yourself and come out of hiding now. Cry out, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!” And he will be! There is forgiveness and healing. It’s the beauty of the Gospel, the Good News that tells us Jesus washes away ALL our sins, even us hypocritical Christians.

Lawlessness

But wait a minute… Weren’t the Pharisees the most law abiding? Maybe on the outside but not in their hearts. And that’s Jesus’ whole point. They looked like amazing men of God. They insisted on the keeping of the letter of the law but missed the heart behind it. They were circumcised in their flesh but not in their hearts. They loved themselves and their positions of power over the people but they did not love God nor his people. It’s why they constantly criticized Jesus for healing on the Sabbath. It’s why they accused him of being demon possessed. It’s why they conspired to take him and had him killed.

What does this mean for us modern Christians? Is it possible that we can become lawless? James gives us an important insight.

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing. James 1:22-25

What is “the perfect law, the law of liberty?” Jesus freed us from the law of sin and death to the law of liberty. Not to be made free to continue in sin and unrighteousness but to be free to love in grace and mercy.

When a lawyer asked Jesus which of the commandments were the greatest his answer was so deep, yet so simple.

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:37-40

Luke 10:29 tells us that next the lawyer asked, “Who then is my neighbor?” to which Jesus replies with the story of the good Samaritan.

So I’m asking myself today, what’s in my cup? What is my response to the tragedy in Orlando?

First it is to cry out, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner!” To let the Lord cleanse me inside and out.

Second is to love my neighbor, no matter who they are. To pray for the broken and hurting and help by any means possible. To be the opposite of the hypocrites who are full of greed, self-indulgence, hypocrisy and lawlessness and strive daily to walk in generosity, compassion, humility and love, in the name of Jesus, by the power of the Holy Spirit.

As always, thanks for reading. I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to email me or leave a comment on this post.

Light

Posted on June 11, 2016Leave a comment

I often wonder why we use physical terms to describe feelings and emotions. I was thinking about light and dark a lot this week, in both physical and metaphysical expression. What is light? Is it the absence of darkness? What is darkness? Is it merely the absence of light? Is it proper to define a thing by the absence of its opposite? Is it possible to be light-hearted and dark-hearted at the same time? Is there some sort of shadow-heart in between?

What is the real relationship between darkness and light in the life of the believer? God often uses physical things to model and explain spiritual truths. Here are a few verses to meditate on today as you think about “light” and “darkness.” Where does the light come from? How does the light overcome the darkness? How do I live in the light?

In the Beginning

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.
And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. And God saw that the light was good. And God separated the light from the darkness.God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day. Genesis 1:3-5

God created all things. Best of all, He created us and lets us enjoy his creation. Without light, the light of the sun specifically, there would be no life. If the earth was just a little closer to to the sun we would scorch the earth with unbearable heat and just a little farther away the earth would be a frozen wasteland. It is astronomically improbable for there to be life on the earth, and yet here we are.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1:1-5

John is speaking here of Jesus as the light. Darkness is in fact the partial or total absence of light, while light is itself a thing, measured as waves or particles. That is why the darkness cannot overcome light. The fact that we have visible light and a means to see it, gives us incredible insight into why Jesus called himself “the light of the world” and later called his disciple “the light of the world.”

In the Middle

The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. John 1:9-13

“And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.” John 3:18-20

Light represents good and darkness represents wickedness and evil. Thieves wear black and work in the dark to hide their evil deeds. Angels wear white, brides wear white representing purity. Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 11:14 that even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. This is why as Christians we must understand and discern the difference between darkness and light.

In the End

And I saw no temple in the city, for its temple is the Lord God the Almighty and the Lamb. And the city has no need of sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and its lamp is the Lamb. By its light will the nations walk, and the kings of the earth will bring their glory into it, and its gates will never be shut by day—and there will be no night there. They will bring into it the glory and the honor of the nations. But nothing unclean will ever enter it, nor anyone who does what is detestable or false, but only those who are written in the Lamb’s book of life. Revelation 21:22-27

No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and his servants will worship him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever. Revelation 22:3-5

We currently have the Sun as our main source of visible light, but we only see it half the time. The rest is this thing called night. Again, the absence of light. What a great future we have to look forward to. The Lord God will be our light, no shadow anywhere. Pure goodness and glory at every moment. Never again having the fear of what hides in the dark or the darkness within ourselves.

See the Light

As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him. We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day; night is coming, when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” Having said these things, he spit on the ground and made mud with the saliva. Then he anointed the man’s eyes with the mud and said to him,“Go, wash in the pool of Siloam” (which means Sent). So he went and washed and came back seeing. John 9:1-7

After being questioned twice by the Pharisees the formerly blind man answered them,

“Whether he is a sinner I do not know. One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see…” John 9:25

The enraged Pharisees kicked the formerly blind man out of the Synagogue. Jesus went and found him and he believed in Jesus. Then Jesus lays down some truth.

Jesus said, “For judgment I came into this world, that those who do not see may see, and those who see may become blind.” Some of the Pharisees near him heard these things, and said to him, “Are we also blind?” Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would have no guilt; but now that you say, ‘We see,’ your guilt remains.” John 9:30-41

One miracle that Jesus delighted to do over and over again is give sight to the blind. On the flip side of that, he was constantly calling the Pharisees “blind” because they refused to believe that he came from God. The Apostle Paul tells us where this blindness comes from:

And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. 2 Corinthians 4:3-6

Walk In the Light

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. 1 John 1:5-7

We are fooling ourselves, just like the Pharisees, if we say we love God and then run into darkness and sin. We cannot excuse our evil, but must repent in the light in order for the blood of Jesus to cleanse us. We cannot be cleansed if we will not admit we are sinners in need of a Savior.

Be the Light

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:14-16

Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. Ephesians 5:6-11

For you are all children of light, children of the day. We are not of the night or of the darkness. 1 Thessalonians 5:5

Remember that Sunday school song from when we were kids…

“This little light of mine…
I’m gonna let it shine…”

How do we do that practically? Day to day we must see the light and walk in the light in order to be the light. I know this side of heaven we’ll never be able to do that perfectly, but with the help of the Holy Spirit we can draw closer to Jesus every day. I so desperately want this in my life. Paul just told us that “The fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true.” As the sun rises every day remember who you are, a child of the light, ask God for opportunities to shine your light so others can see Jesus.

Thanks for reading. I would love to hear from you so feel free to email me or leave a comment. What do you think about “the light?”

How Far do Prayers Go?

Posted on June 3, 2016Leave a comment

I’ve been reading Stephen King’s book On Writing again. He talks about how writing is the most distilled form of telepathy there is. It takes the thoughts in my mind, puts them on a page, and then you have the ability to literally read my mind across space and time. My thoughts go straight into your mind. I love the analogy and wholeheartedly agree.

I thought about this in relation to the Bible. It’s the thoughts of the mind of God, in written form. The only way we can know what God’s thinks is to read His word.

The difference between God and King is that I am able through prayer to make my thoughts known to God. I don’t even have to write them down. Even deeper than that, Psalm 139:1-6 tells us:

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.

Jesus tells his disciples in Matthew 6:8 we don’t need to use very many words because our Heavenly Father knows what we need before we ask him.

Jesus even demonstrated this a few times in the gospels when he would “know the thoughts” of the pharisees and scribes, and even the disciples on a couple of occasions, and answer their unsaid accusations and questions.

Prayers are not just hopes and wishes. Prayers are leaning our full weight of trust and faith on a God who is able to answer us. If we do not believe in the absolute sovereignty of God then why even bother praying?

God is good and kind and he desires repentance rather than sacrifice. His will is that all would come to repentance. When we pray for our loved ones to be saved, and even our enemies to be saved, we are asking God to impose his will above their own will to remain in selfish autonomy.

Does God do that? Does he take people by force for their own good and his own glory? You better believe it. He did it to Saul of Tarsus and for sure He did it to me.

Are any of us “saved” of our own “free will?”

I feel like we live our whole lives in a sort of Stockholm syndrome. I’m speaking through my general American lense here. I imagine things aren’t this way in every country and culture. This is my own bit of sociological musing. I’m getting a little philosophical here, but follow along…

We don’t ask to be born. As babies and children we are captives of our parents. We generally grow to love them over time because they care for us. Even abused and neglected kids form strong bonds with the people who raise them.

As youths and adolescents, we are captives of the current education system. A performance based reward and punishment system in which we don’t always understand the rules. Every teacher’s expectations and rules are a little bit different.

In young adulthood we finally see an escape hatch. We get to exercise “choice.” Decisions can be made to continue school and go to college, maybe get a job or learn a trade, perhaps join the military.

But once the choice is made we subject ourselves again to the oversight of more teachers, bosses, drill instructors/commanders.

Maybe you meet that special someone, get married, and again find yourself subjected to a will beyond your own. How well we get along in marriage is dependent on our ability to yield our wills to each other.

Perhaps you decide to have children and the cycle starts again but you’re on the other end this time. You bring unwitting innocents into the world according to your will, then you wonder at your own sanity as you clash wills with tiny people who can’t even wipe their own butts or pour a cup of milk without spilling.

But you love them. They may test your patience minute by minute, they may ruin your possessions and finances, they may even break your heart with careless words or ungrateful attitudes. But you love them.

By the time we reach our death beds our biggest hope is that we raised our kids well enough that we leave a good legacy and hope not many of our descendants end up in jail or as complete heathens.

What does all this have to do with prayer and God’s will? It’s about who we become when we surrender our will to God and about how we pray for those who haven’t surrendered to God yet.

It’s not magic, it’s surrender.

How does God save us? We just don’t know. One moment we are blind, and the next, we see! One moment our heart is stone, and the next, it’s alive. Not our physical heart, of course, but what we might call our soul.

When we pray for our friends and family to be saved, this is what we’re asking for. Spiritual life and vision. We are praying for them to surrender their will to God’s will. We love them so much we pray that God would take them by force if necessary.

For ten years we prayed for my dad, who professed Christ but was a “functioning” alcoholic. “Rock bottom” came a number of times, but surrender did finally come. God is gracious and amazing. My dad’s been surrendered to God for almost 13 years. He’s a changed man, and not just behaviorally, but on the inside.

There’s a friend of ours my husband and I have been praying for for 17 years. His wife is a believer but he says he’s agnostic. He respects our faith but he has never had any experience that would convince him of God’s existence. His family moved a few hours north of us last year.

When they moved I began praying that God would bring him more Christian friends in their new town. We visited them recently and they also invited a new couple they made friends with to the bbq we had. And is it any surprise that they are totally Christians? The husband even has almost the exact same celtic cross tattoo as my husband. Answers to prayer across time and space.

An answer to prayer like that is faith building. It’s not some crazy miracle, but if it is God’s will that people come to repentance is it any wonder when he answers a prayer that lines up with that will? So I will continue to pray on, for our friend and many other unsaved and prodigal friends and family who desperately need the love of God in their lives.

Who have you grown weary praying for? Take a minute and pray for them right now. Think about stories like Saul of Tarsus and the Theif on the Cross, who’s eyes were opened in an instant. Partner with God’s will for repentance and salvation. Keep on praying.

Meltdown

Posted on May 27, 20164 Comments

“Without enough water, the fuel rods get so hot that they melt. If they begin to melt the nuclear reactor core and the steel containment vessel, and release radiation into the environment, nuclear meltdown occurs.” (Phys.org)

So every four or five years I have a total identity crisis. This happened last week in the form of an emotional meltdown that took my by surprise. The stress and depression was too much to bear and I got to a very dark place inside.

I get the feeling I’m not who I’m supposed to be, not who I was meant to be and I’m definitely not who I intended to be…

For as long as I can remember (since like 2nd grade) I wanted to be an English teacher. I love poetry, prose, mystery, horror, essay, romance, fantasy, grammar, technical poetry, classics, biography, song lyrics, articles, letters, speeches…

And if not a teacher then maybe a writer or journalist, writing fiction or news.

And if not any of that then maybe an editor, helping others to tell their stories well.

What do I have to show for the last 22 years? The things I made in my early days as a home decor seamstress are falling to tatters by now I imagine. Either that or they’ve been replaced by new things in more current trends of style and color. I just don’t care about that stuff anymore.

And of course I’ve got no one to blame but myself. The choices I made. I could have finished high school. I could have stayed at home. I could have given my baby away. I could have stayed in college, for as long as it took, even part time. I wanted it, but not bad enough apparently.

Professionally, I don’t want to be where I am now. I feel trapped and powerless. But of course we’ve got both proverbial and literal bills to pay and mouths to feed.

With this blog I’ve cracked the shell and started writing again, but right now it feels aimless. I feel like it’s what God has called me to do, but week after week I see so few people interested or impacted by it. I feel like I’m firing arrows in the dark and constantly missing the mark.

There’s a line from a Supertones song that describes this feeling perfectly… “Who I am is in between what I want to be and what I am.”

I want to be strong but I am weak. I want to be influential for the Gospel but I feel like a squeaking mouse. I’m trying so hard to encourage other people with the things I need encouragement in, but at the end of the day I’m exhausted, just like you.

I don’t know if I should put my blog on hold so I can focus on the devotional I want to write or try to fight through and do both. I love the daily prayer journal I get to write but I want to do more, devote more time, make it even more specific and encouraging. My brain feels fried. My heart aches. Meltdown.

I suppose just because I have a gifting and a passion doesn’t necessarily mean it’s my calling. Maybe that’s my biggest fear.

I can’t imagine another 5 or 10 years of things continuing the way they are. Something’s gotta give. Something’s gonna break. I have a sinking suspicion it will be me. I already feel the first cracks.

I am grateful for the jobs I have, professional seamstress, as well as sales associate at a retail fabric store. I love my husband and children, they are the bright spots. They are my safe haven.

I’m sure this is all a case of “the grass is greener.” As I listen wistfully to friends of mine that are teachers I hear their struggles too. They strive daily to make a difference in kids lives. Sometimes they succeed but I hear the despair that underlies their own daily grind.

I listen to podcasts by bloggers and authors that seem to be living the life I want, and I hear that it takes hard work and dedication. I’m not afraid of hard work and dedication. But I’m afraid at the end of the day that no one will be listening. I’ll turn out be the tree, falling in the forest, making a bunch of noise but with no one around to hear.

I know God has me where I am for a reason. I know it takes time to build something new. I know I am sowing seeds for the future. I don’t know exactly what that future is at this point. I know I need to be patient and keep walking this valley. I know it won’t keep on like this forever. Things will change. Eventually…

I’m praying for patience, perseverance, faithfulness, and open eyes. The enemy wants to trap me in fear that leads to inaction. I won’t let him. The enemy wants me to hide in shame. I don’t have time for that kind of self consciousness, there’s work to do. Kingdom work.

My meltdown was last Thursday and I wrote the bulk of this then with no intention to publish it. Mostly I was just pouring my heart out to God and trying to coax the fears into the light where I could get a good look at their ugly mugs.

Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I’ve already got my “big girl” pants on. I didn’t post all this to make you feel sorry for me. I just want to be authentic and truthful, we all have bad days.

Last Thursday was wretched, but by God’s providence I came home to my husband, who loves me and cares when my heart is hurting. And that night we went to our church community group, a safe place, where my friends encouraged and prayed for me. As we are studying Joy it’s of course the thing we are all being tested in right now.

As I prayed this week in the fallout from that meltdown I was asking, “Daddy, what do you want me to do?” And God, being ever loving and always faithful, responded to me with such tenderness. I read my Bible like normal, I listened to a few sermon podcasts, and God’s clear word to me was, “Don’t give up. Don’t despair. I am with you. I’m going to give you everything you need. Don’t stop praying. Don’t stop asking. Don’t let anything dilute the things I have put in your heart.”

Thanks for reading my little rant. I would really love to hear from you. Do you feel like you’ve found your calling?

What’s so “Good” About Good Friday?

Posted on March 25, 20162 Comments

I remember as a kid, going to the Mission San Luis Rey in Oceanside, CA for Easter Mass with my family. I always loved the stained glass panels, the smooth, well worn wood of the pews, the slight tang of incense that never completely dissipates. The statues always intrigued me the most. There was of course Mary, robed in blue and white, with a look of absolute serenity beaming down on me.

There was one statue that always haunted me though. It’s of Christ just before he goes to the cross, beaten, bloody, hands tied, with a crown of thorns on his head and a deep red velvet robe draped over his shoulders. It’s called “Ecco Homo”, the latin words for what Pontius Pilate said after Jesus had been scourged, “Behold the Man.”

I’m not Catholic anymore, but I look forward to “Good Friday” service at the church I’m part of every year because when I really focus my mind on that image, the broken Christ, something amazing happens. The goodness of God is exposed. Might sound kinda crazy but let me explain with a little Bible Q & A.

If God is so good then why was Jesus, his anointed one, so badly treated?

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. Romans 5:6-11

Who really was this Jesus?

He is more beautiful than I was ever told as a child. His life was one of love, passion and mercy. He was unique in all that exists. Not created but the Creator Himself. Not just a mere man, but the embodiment of God’s goodness to mankind.

He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. Col 1:15-20

What’s so “Good” about Good Friday?

What does the cross give us?
Righteousness
Reconciliation
Forgiveness
Justification
Freedom
Adoption
Love
Hope
Peace
Eternal Life
Resurrection
Holy Spirit
Mercy
Grace

What does the cross take away?
Shame
Condemnation
Separation
Wrath
Spiritual Deadness
Hopelessness
Punishment
Sin
Death
Fear

Jesus loves me this I know…

So Jesus again said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. All who came before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep. And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd. For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life that I may take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This charge I have received from my Father.” John 10:7-18

Sunday’s Comin!

But today we focus in on the cross. In the hero’s journey it’s the moment when all hope seems lost. It’s the thick darkness that comes before the dawn. It’s the one who was supposed to rescue us all and save the day, dead. The apostles were scattered and afraid. They watched their best friend and mentor die.

He was oppressed, and he was afflicted,
yet he opened not his mouth;
like a lamb that is led to the slaughter,
and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent,
so he opened not his mouth. Isa 53:7

It’s the King of Kings, led like a lamb to be slaughtered, silent before his shearers. He is the Good Shepherd AND the Lamb that takes away the sin of the world. He did it all for love, and all for your sins and mine.

Our humanity says the hero doesn’t die… the hero rallies, stands up, finishes his fight and saves the day. Jesus wasn’t just interested in saving the day, but rather in saving you and me. That meant going all the way into death so he could fight death from the other side and rise again!

Today “Behold the Man,” knowing that you are his joy.

“…looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Heb 12:2

I hope this has encouraged you. I’d love for you to share in the comments what the cross of Christ has given you and what it has taken away.

Posts Tagged with grace