Posts Tagged with freedom

What’s in My Cup?

Uncategorized
Posted on Leave a comment on What’s in My Cup?

Dirty dishes. We can hand wash them, or put them in the dishwasher and run it. Most of the time they come out pretty clean. But occasionally you grab something like a cereal bowl or coffee mug and look in to see Jupiter style coffee rings or cement-like pieces of yesterday’s breakfast stuck to the inside of that bowl like barnacles. Or worse yet, could you imagine doing the dishes but only washing the outside and ignoring the inside? It would look nice, wouldn’t it? But would you use it? No way.

My heart has been broken over the tragic loss of life in the shooting at Pulse, a gay nightclub in Orlando, Fl last weekend. I have been praying for the families that lost loved ones and for comfort and healing for the wounded. Throughout social media I have seen some great Christian responses to the tragedy and some shameful Christian responses. Have we forgotten that we are ALL broken image bearers of our Creator God?

Jesus is tender toward the wounded and brokenhearted in scripture but has a severe wake up call for people who think for one second that they are “better” than anyone else. I’ve been praying this week that God would give me a correct view of myself. What is my cup full of? Self righteousness that stinks like a sink full of week old dirty dishes? Or the grace of God that he wants me to pour out generously on everyone around me, gay, straight or otherwise?

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean.
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.“ Matthew 23:25-27

The word hypocrite was a term used to describe an actor who would wear a mask for entertainment, but here Jesus uses it to accuses the Pharisees of living a false life. Their outward actions are righteous to onlookers, but their hearts are full of greed, self-indulgence, hypocrisy and lawlessness.

A sinner can be saved, but a hypocrite will cling with a death-grip to the mask they fashion for themselves. The hypocrite believes that if they can’t be inwardly righteous then maintaining some facade of outward holiness will make them acceptable to God and other people.

Let’s take a look at the four traits of the Pharisees Jesus mentions here and ask God to show us where we might have some “dishwashing” to submit to. It’s uncomfortable, but a necessary part of repentance for the disciple of Christ.

Greed

Defined as an intense and selfish desire for something, especially wealth, power, or food. Its close cousins are envy and coveting. We have such a strange culture when it comes to greed. Advertisers constantly use a scarcity mindset to trick us into thinking we must buy what they are selling. It’s a “limited edition” and a “limited time only.” We are constantly barraged with the message that we don’t have enough.

When our pastors touch on the subject of finances at church we think about how hard we work for our money, and how much we deserve, and maybe we’ll give later when our finances are better. The question is, if we are not being generous with what we have now how can we expect to all of a sudden have a generous heart when we have more money? The answer is we won’t. The whole point of giving to God is that our finances were never meant to be our savior.

Self-Indulgence

This is an enjoyment to excess. While the Pharisees should have been helping the common people they were instead showboating their own righteousness. It fed their bloated egos. Praying loudly for all to hear, fasting to show off their holiness, tithing from their spice cabinets…

“Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward… “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward… “And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.” Matthew 6:2, 5, & 16

Are your spiritual practices done between you and the Lord or have you been seeking the approval and appreciation of man? The opposite of that self-indulgence is compassion. Eyes that see the world as Jesus did when he looked at the crowds and saw them as sheep with no shepherd. The Pharisees should have been taking care of the lost sheep of Israel but were instead showing off their own self-righteousness and lording their power over the people.

Hypocrisy

He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.” Luke 18:9-14

We fight against the hypocrisy inside ourselves with a humble admission of where we fall short. I heard a pastor say once that God’s Plan A is humility and that his Plan B is humiliation. What a wake up call. We all know someone who spent years hiding behind a mask of self-righteousness to eventually be humiliated openly by some secret sin. Maybe you have been or are one of them. Totally me, when I was living a double life as the good little Christian teenager but partying and sleeping with my boyfriend and ended up pregnant at 16.

If this is you humble yourself and come out of hiding now. Cry out, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!” And he will be! There is forgiveness and healing. It’s the beauty of the Gospel, the Good News that tells us Jesus washes away ALL our sins, even us hypocritical Christians.

Lawlessness

But wait a minute… Weren’t the Pharisees the most law abiding? Maybe on the outside but not in their hearts. And that’s Jesus’ whole point. They looked like amazing men of God. They insisted on the keeping of the letter of the law but missed the heart behind it. They were circumcised in their flesh but not in their hearts. They loved themselves and their positions of power over the people but they did not love God nor his people. It’s why they constantly criticized Jesus for healing on the Sabbath. It’s why they accused him of being demon possessed. It’s why they conspired to take him and had him killed.

What does this mean for us modern Christians? Is it possible that we can become lawless? James gives us an important insight.

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing. James 1:22-25

What is “the perfect law, the law of liberty?” Jesus freed us from the law of sin and death to the law of liberty. Not to be made free to continue in sin and unrighteousness but to be free to love in grace and mercy.

When a lawyer asked Jesus which of the commandments were the greatest his answer was so deep, yet so simple.

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:37-40

Luke 10:29 tells us that next the lawyer asked, “Who then is my neighbor?” to which Jesus replies with the story of the good Samaritan.

So I’m asking myself today, what’s in my cup? What is my response to the tragedy in Orlando?

First it is to cry out, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner!” To let the Lord cleanse me inside and out.

Second is to love my neighbor, no matter who they are. To pray for the broken and hurting and help by any means possible. To be the opposite of the hypocrites who are full of greed, self-indulgence, hypocrisy and lawlessness and strive daily to walk in generosity, compassion, humility and love, in the name of Jesus, by the power of the Holy Spirit.

As always, thanks for reading. I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to email me or leave a comment on this post.



How Far do Prayers Go?

Prayer
Posted on Leave a comment on How Far do Prayers Go?

I’ve been reading Stephen King’s book On Writing again. He talks about how writing is the most distilled form of telepathy there is. It takes the thoughts in my mind, puts them on a page, and then you have the ability to literally read my mind across space and time. My thoughts go straight into your mind. I love the analogy and wholeheartedly agree.

I thought about this in relation to the Bible. It’s the thoughts of the mind of God, in written form. The only way we can know what God’s thinks is to read His word.

The difference between God and King is that I am able through prayer to make my thoughts known to God. I don’t even have to write them down. Even deeper than that, Psalm 139:1-6 tells us:

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.

Jesus tells his disciples in Matthew 6:8 we don’t need to use very many words because our Heavenly Father knows what we need before we ask him.

Jesus even demonstrated this a few times in the gospels when he would “know the thoughts” of the pharisees and scribes, and even the disciples on a couple of occasions, and answer their unsaid accusations and questions.

Prayers are not just hopes and wishes. Prayers are leaning our full weight of trust and faith on a God who is able to answer us. If we do not believe in the absolute sovereignty of God then why even bother praying?

God is good and kind and he desires repentance rather than sacrifice. His will is that all would come to repentance. When we pray for our loved ones to be saved, and even our enemies to be saved, we are asking God to impose his will above their own will to remain in selfish autonomy.

Does God do that? Does he take people by force for their own good and his own glory? You better believe it. He did it to Saul of Tarsus and for sure He did it to me.

Are any of us “saved” of our own “free will?”

I feel like we live our whole lives in a sort of Stockholm syndrome. I’m speaking through my general American lense here. I imagine things aren’t this way in every country and culture. This is my own bit of sociological musing. I’m getting a little philosophical here, but follow along…

We don’t ask to be born. As babies and children we are captives of our parents. We generally grow to love them over time because they care for us. Even abused and neglected kids form strong bonds with the people who raise them.

As youths and adolescents, we are captives of the current education system. A performance based reward and punishment system in which we don’t always understand the rules. Every teacher’s expectations and rules are a little bit different.

In young adulthood we finally see an escape hatch. We get to exercise “choice.” Decisions can be made to continue school and go to college, maybe get a job or learn a trade, perhaps join the military.

But once the choice is made we subject ourselves again to the oversight of more teachers, bosses, drill instructors/commanders.

Maybe you meet that special someone, get married, and again find yourself subjected to a will beyond your own. How well we get along in marriage is dependent on our ability to yield our wills to each other.

Perhaps you decide to have children and the cycle starts again but you’re on the other end this time. You bring unwitting innocents into the world according to your will, then you wonder at your own sanity as you clash wills with tiny people who can’t even wipe their own butts or pour a cup of milk without spilling.

But you love them. They may test your patience minute by minute, they may ruin your possessions and finances, they may even break your heart with careless words or ungrateful attitudes. But you love them.

By the time we reach our death beds our biggest hope is that we raised our kids well enough that we leave a good legacy and hope not many of our descendants end up in jail or as complete heathens.

What does all this have to do with prayer and God’s will? It’s about who we become when we surrender our will to God and about how we pray for those who haven’t surrendered to God yet.

It’s not magic, it’s surrender.

How does God save us? We just don’t know. One moment we are blind, and the next, we see! One moment our heart is stone, and the next, it’s alive. Not our physical heart, of course, but what we might call our soul.

When we pray for our friends and family to be saved, this is what we’re asking for. Spiritual life and vision. We are praying for them to surrender their will to God’s will. We love them so much we pray that God would take them by force if necessary.

For ten years we prayed for my dad, who professed Christ but was a “functioning” alcoholic. “Rock bottom” came a number of times, but surrender did finally come. God is gracious and amazing. My dad’s been surrendered to God for almost 13 years. He’s a changed man, and not just behaviorally, but on the inside.

There’s a friend of ours my husband and I have been praying for for 17 years. His wife is a believer but he says he’s agnostic. He respects our faith but he has never had any experience that would convince him of God’s existence. His family moved a few hours north of us last year.

When they moved I began praying that God would bring him more Christian friends in their new town. We visited them recently and they also invited a new couple they made friends with to the bbq we had. And is it any surprise that they are totally Christians? The husband even has almost the exact same celtic cross tattoo as my husband. Answers to prayer across time and space.

An answer to prayer like that is faith building. It’s not some crazy miracle, but if it is God’s will that people come to repentance is it any wonder when he answers a prayer that lines up with that will? So I will continue to pray on, for our friend and many other unsaved and prodigal friends and family who desperately need the love of God in their lives.

Who have you grown weary praying for? Take a minute and pray for them right now. Think about stories like Saul of Tarsus and the Theif on the Cross, who’s eyes were opened in an instant. Partner with God’s will for repentance and salvation. Keep on praying.



Genesis 6 Part 1 – Impending Doom

Uncategorized
Posted on Leave a comment on Genesis 6 Part 1 – Impending Doom

     For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor 12:10

Recently I have prayed and cried with various dear friends going through some radically difficult circumstances. They are being affected by other people’s sin in faith shaking kinds of ways. As we look at the account of Noah we’ll see just how grieved God was by all that sin in the hearts of people on the earth. Then we’ll get a picture of how God help us in times of trouble. Finally we’ll see that there is a way to suffer well so that Christ is glorified and we are strengthened.

Impending Doom

  The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And the Lord regretted that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart. These are the generations of Noah.
    Noah was a righteous man, blameless in his generation. Noah walked with God. And Noah had three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japheth.
    Now the earth was corrupt in God’s sight, and the earth was filled with violence. And God saw the earth, and behold, it was corrupt, for all flesh had corrupted their way on the earth. And God said to Noah, “I have determined to make an end of all flesh, for the earth is filled with violence through them. Behold, I will destroy them with the earth. Make yourself an ark of gopher wood. Make rooms in the ark, and cover it inside and out with pitch.
    Genesis 6:5-14

My heart is breaking for my friends as they suffer in difficult circumstances… Can you imagine how grieved God’s heart is to see all the hurt among all the people all the time? In Noah’s day it was crazy bad! But God chose Noah and his family, to rescue them. He set them apart, called them to do His work and then hid them away while His wrath was poured out and the wickedness of mankind was judged. When we are hurting our tendency is to hide from God, but the secret to survival and strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other is to hide in God.

Help is on the Way

   For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but cast them into hell…  if he did not spare the ancient world, but preserved Noah, a herald of righteousness, with seven others, when he brought a flood upon the world of the ungodly… and if he rescued righteous Lot, greatly distressed by the sensual conduct of the wicked… then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials, and to keep the unrighteous under punishment until the day of judgment, and especially those who indulge in the lust of defiling passion and despise authority. 2 Peter 2:4-10 (paraphrased, emphasis mine)

Noah watched society boiling over with wickedness, for possible as many as 120 years, while he build the arc. Are you watching some part of your life fall apart right before your eyes? Are you in pain every day? Are you watching people that are supposed to love and care for each other implode with selfishness? What if it never changes? What if you die before that person ever repents and does the right thing? What if you are never healed this side of heaven?

It is such a comfort to know that God knows how to rescue us. Do you believe it? If not, why not? Maybe there is some misinformation about God you’ve been believing instead. If God has already gotten ahold of your spirit and rescued you from utter judgment don’t you think He will be with you in the storm you’re in now?

Get in the Ark

  By faith Noah, being warned by God concerning events as yet unseen, in reverent fear constructed an ark for the saving of his household. By this he condemned the world and became an heir of the righteousness that comes by faith. Hebrews 11:7

My hope and prayer is that by faith my friends, knowing the flood is coming, will stand firm in their faith in the Gospel, climb in the ark of God’s arms of comfort and mercy and love, and for the sake of the glory of Christ be content with hardship, because when they are weak, then they are strong. 

   In the six hundredth year of Noah’s life, in the second month, on the seventeenth day of the month, on that day all the fountains of the great deep burst forth, and the windows of the heavens were opened. The flood continued forty days on the earth. The waters increased and bore up the ark, and it rose high above the earth. The waters prevailed and increased greatly on the earth, and the ark floated on the face of the waters. Gen 7:11, Gen 17-18

We might feel like God doesn’t love us when the flood comes, but that is a lie of the enemy. You were chosen in Him before the foundations of the world, He will bear you up in an ark and rescue you. You will be in the flood, but as a beloved child of the Most High God, you have nothing to fear.

Psalm 32:6-7 offers great encouragement:

Therefore let everyone who is godly
offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found;
surely in the rush of great waters,
they shall not reach him.
You are a hiding place for me;
you preserve me from trouble;
you surround me with shouts of deliverance.

Jesus is the ark. And you are not alone there. Just like Noah had his family, hopefully you have a community of gospel friends that God has been building into your life… you didn’t know you would need them, but He did. If you don’t have a network of friends who will help you fight for your faith, do all you can to plug in at church, get in a small bible study or prayer group. Noah wasn’t alone, and neither are you. The fountains of the deep are bursting forth, the flood is coming… but so is rescue. Don’t hide from the Lord, instead hide in the Lord.

I hope this has been encouraging for you. If you are suffering and in need of prayer you can email me or be bold and share in the comments. If you have a friend suffering pass this along to encourage them. Tell them you love them and are praying for them. It’s part of what the Church is for. As always, thanks for reading.



John 5 Part 2 – Scandalous

John 5
Posted on Leave a comment on John 5 Part 2 – Scandalous

Jesus had a great habit of intentionally upsetting the status quo. The Jewish Sabbath started out in the deserts of Egypt as a much needed day of rest for the weary Jewish nation that had been delivered from the enslaving clutches of Pharaoh. As time went on and the temple sacrificial system was established the Sabbath was a time for the Jews to reflect on their sin and God’s provision to cover those sins by the blood of bulls, goats and lambs. By the time Jesus walked the earth the Sabbath had become a day of rule keeping. Don’t do this, and don’t do that. So instead of celebrating the lame man’s healing on the Sabbath, the Jews cling tighter to their rules and persecute Jesus, who came to be the ultimate Sabbath Lamb.

Who Do We Have Here?

First we have Jesus. And Jesus is always first. Last time we well established that he came seeking this man, like a lost sheep, to heal him.

Next we have the invalid man. We don’t know how old he was, but we are told in verse 5 that he was there for 38 years. Verse 4 (in some manuscripts) tell us that the people by the pool were “waiting for the moving of the water; for an angel of the Lord went down at certain seasons into the pool, and stirred the water: whoever stepped in first after the stirring of the water was healed of whatever disease he had.”

Then we have “the Jews.” This referred to the hardcore Jewish religious leaders, a.k.a. Pharisees, Sadducees, and Scribes, that were opposing Jesus in those days. They have very strong beliefs about their religion and the Sabbath rules. Their pride and legalism constantly blinded them to the truth of who Jesus was.

Breaking the Rules

And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked.
Now that day was the Sabbath. So the Jews said to the man who had been healed, “It is the Sabbath, and it is not lawful for you to take up your bed.” But he answered them, “The man who healed me, that man said to me, ‘Take up your bed, and walk.’” They asked him, “Who is the man who said to you, ‘Take up your bed and walk’?” (John 5:9-12)

This poor guy, just finally after 38 years of laying down, helpless, having to beg everyone else to do everything for him, stands up, picks up his bed, and walks… and gets pulled over for speeding!

Sabbath was a day of rest for the Jews, part of their covenant with God. They took it very seriously. God gave them one rule about it…

“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.” Exodus 20:8-11

The Jews were so bent on not breaking the Sabbath that they defined “work” with a list of their own rules in their own terms. The Talmud contains 39 categories of activity prohibited on the Sabbath. Even in current times they have so many systems in place to keep from breaking their own Sabbath rules, like elevators that stop at every floor so they don’t have to “work” by pushing a button. Despite continued modern observance of Sabbath rules, many have lost sight of the original purpose, a day to rest and trust in the Lord.

Sin no More

“Now the man who had been healed did not know who it was, for Jesus had withdrawn, as there was a crowd in the place. Afterward Jesus found him in the temple and said to him, “See, you are well! Sin no more, that nothing worse may happen to you.” John 5:13-14

Maybe it was this man’s sin that originally landed him on that mat for 38 years. Is a “sin no more” lifestyle even possible in our modern day? I honestly can’t even drive on the freeway without sinning. Here’s a couple of encouraging scriptures about this.

“What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.” Romans 6:1-4

That’s the amazing part of the Good News! 1 Cor 6:11 says,

“And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

It is from a position of security in the love of Christ, knowing that he has already cleansed us, that we can overcome the persistent sins in our lives.

Sabbath Scandal

“The man went away and told the Jews that it was Jesus who had healed him. And this was why the Jews were persecuting Jesus, because he was doing these things on the Sabbath.” John 5:15-16

The Sabbath they accused him of breaking was actually fulfilled by him. Colossians 2:16-17 tells us

Therefore let no one pass judgment on you in questions of food and drink, or with regard to a festival or a new moon or a Sabbath. These are a shadow of the things to come, but the substance belongs to Christ.

So how does Jesus answer these accusations from the Pharisees concerning the Sabbath?

“But Jesus answered them, “My Father is working until now, and I am working.” This was why the Jews were seeking all the more to kill him, because not only was he breaking the Sabbath, but he was even calling God his own Father, making himself equal with God.” John 5:17-18

After 38 years of rest Jesus’ words to the invalid were a call to trust that led to freedom. Sabbath rest is all about trusting that God is sovereign and will provide all we need as we rest in Him. Jesus is our Sabbath, so we can stop “working” at being so good, like the pharisees and just be in Christ.

Who are we in this miracle account? The lame man, waiting for a touch from Jesus? Healed and whole, walking in freedom? The religious rules lawyers that look down our noses in anger and people who don’t worship God exactly the way we do? Pray today and ask God to show you where there might be a tendency toward legalism in your heart, then confess and spend some time thanking Jesus for fulfilling all of the law that you couldn’t.

As always, thank you for reading. Share this with someone you know needs encouragement. And I’d love to hear from you, feel free to leave a comment below.



John 5 Part 1- House of Mercy

John 5
Posted on Leave a comment on John 5 Part 1- House of Mercy

Bethesda means “House of Mercy.” What do we need more than mercy when we are thoroughly wrapped up in our own self pity?

Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, in Aramaic called Bethesda, which has five roofed colonnades. In these lay a multitude of invalids—blind, lame, and paralyzed. One man was there who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. John 5:2-5

I haven’t done anything for 38 years. Maybe breathing since I’m just barely that old. But I have had significant times of both physical and spiritual lameness in my life. I’ve spent much of the past three years in a state of daily physical pain due to a hip injury. I’ve also spent much of the past few years paralyzed by fear. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of responsibility, fear of being wrong, fear of messing it all up. All these fears have been for me a spiritual bondage leading to inaction.

This is the account of a significant healing miracle that Jesus did in the life of one man. This passage says there was a “multitude of invalids.” Do you ever feel like just one of the crowd? Do you ever wonder what difference can one person make? What difference can I make? How can I help anyone when I can’t even help myself?

It’s very easy to talk yourself out of something that you know in your heart of hearts that God has called you to do. It’s easy to convince yourself that you are crazy and tell yourself God couldn’t possibly have picked you because you are so desperately unqualified. I fight these thoughts daily.

We are all so broken. There is a point we come to where enough is enough. Sometimes we don’t realize it, but Jesus is right around the corner. We don’t have any discernible faith, just a pocket full of lame excuses. But Jesus comes and finds us. For that man at the pool, this was his day.

When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be healed?” John 5:6

What compassion! Where are you hurting right now? Physically? Relationally? Emotionally? How long has it been? Jesus already knows.

Do you want to be healed? Do I want to be healed? Is our answer something like this?

The sick man answered him, “Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me.” John 5:7

Do we say, “Yes, but…”
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’m not strong enough.”
“I’m not smart enough.”
“I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”
“Getting in the water is my answer but I can’t get there.”
“Getting to church and community group is the answer, but I can’t get there.”
“Getting in the word and prayer is the answer but I don’t have time.”
“I’ve sinned too much for too long.”
“My past is too dark. I’m ashamed.”
or like the childhood classic my dad used to sing me when I was in the midst of a self-pity party…
“Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I’m goin’ out and eat worms…”

The absolutely radical thing about Jesus and His healing power is that it has nothing to do with us. Let me say that again. It has nothing to do with us. It is His mercy. Sometimes His mercy looks like His sufficient grace and mighty strength made perfect in our weakness. Sometimes it looks like radical, miraculous healing.

Jesus said to him, “Get up, take up your bed, and walk.” And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked. Now that day was the Sabbath. John 5:8-9

Jesus healed so many people so many different ways, but the goal is the same. Action.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

These last few months for me this looks like being healed of fear, getting up every morning, taking up my keyboard, and writing. This looks like finally letting go of all the excuses why I can’t or won’t or shouldn’t write. It looks like doing my physical therapy, getting to the gym and getting back to a place of physical fitness despite the hip pain. (Ironically, the more I go the less it hurts because then the joint doesn’t get stiff.) It’s seeing His mercy in my every-day life. It’s seeing Jesus looking at me and loving me, even when I’m the most broken and the least lovely. It looks like me sitting at His feet every day and letting Him wash me with the word.

How has Jesus touched you, healed you, been fixing your brokenness? Where in your life do you need healing now? What excuses have you been making? He’s right around the corner. He sees you. He loves you. He has new mercy for you today. So… Get up… take up your bed… and walk.

As always, thanks for reading. I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to comment on this post and share it with someone you know who need this encouragement today. Join me again next week when we’ll look at what the Pharisees had to say about this healing which took place on the Sabbath.



John 4 Part 2 – Objection!

John 4
Posted on Leave a comment on John 4 Part 2 – Objection!

“Negasaurus” is a word we like to use jokingly to describe someone who is being negative. It’s a play on a dinosaur name. When one of my sons has an idea and the other one shoots it down… Negasaurus! When we all agree on where to eat but one objects… Negasaurus! When one of us is down on ourselves and we need cheering up… Negasaurus! “Negatron” also gets thrown around a fair bit. Having sons, it’s a play on “Megatron” from the ever popular Transformers. We totally discourage “name-calling,” but these family “inside jokes” are a lighthearted way for us to let each other know we may need an attitude adjustment.

In this conversation with the Samaritan woman at the well we see her throw many objections at Jesus. She is a first-class “Negasaurus.” But Jesus doesn’t give up on her. He sticks around and answers all her objections.

John 4:7-14

7 A woman from Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give me a drink.”
8 (For his disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.)
9 The Samaritan woman said to him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.)
10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.”
11 The woman said to him, “Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water?
12 Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock.”
13 Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again,
14 but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Jesus says, “Give me a drink.”

Her objection

Jews don’t talk to Samaritans

Such a simple request from a thirsty man. Why does it seem she replies so harshly? She’s basically saying “Are you talking to me?” This woman has a serious mental block about a Jewish Rabbi asking her for a drink. She already knows what John parenthesized for us in verse 9, that Jews have no dealings with Samaritans. In an extreme form of religious snobbery, devout Jews would walk miles out of their way, through the Jordan Valley, to avoid contact with the Samaritans. Jews believed the Samaritans were in a constant state of “uncleanness” because they were descendants of the Northern tribes of Israel that intermarried with the pagan Assyrians after their captivity in 721 B.C. Not fully Jew, not fully Gentile, they were half-breed relics of history.

His answer

“If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’  you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.”

Living water? What is that? Maybe her mind went to Jeremiah 17:13 which says, “O LORD, the hope of Israel, all who forsake you shall be put to shame; those who turn away from you shall be written in the earth, for they have forsaken the LORD, the fountain of living water.” Maybe not, as it seems she has a few more objections coming. She seems a little confused, so she asks him “Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock.”

Her Objections

You have nothing to draw water with and the well is deep.
Where is the living water?
Are you greater than Jacob?
This well is our inheritance from Jacob.

The well was indeed at least 100′ deep and possibly even deeper in that day. She knows in order to get herself, let alone this Jewish Rabbi, a drink she’s winding a long, long, long rope, and all she sees is his empty hands. Then she even challenges him. “Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock.” So her question is one of authority. She has this national pride. It’s almost like she’s questioning Jesus heritage in light of her own. The Jews might claim Abraham as their father but in her mind this well, being given to them by the Patriarch Jacob, gives them the authority to inhabit the place. But the answer to her question is yes, he is in fact greater than Jacob. Jesus addresses this later in the conversation so we’ll catch up on that next time.

His Answer

“Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Her authority is coming from the Law, the old covenant made between the Lord and the Patriarchs, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. When we live our lives trying to please God with our own self-righteousness by the law we will continue to thirst. I might be righteous by the law for a second, but the whole job of the law and the old sacrificial system is to show me I can’t be  righteous. “For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it.” James 2:10

Here Jesus is expressing the new covenant… Grace.  We can only break free of the condemnation of the law when we drink the “living water.” It is grace that tells us only Jesus takes away our sin and failure to uphold the law perfectly. Then we are finally free to stop our Negasaurus objections and have true peace with God. And that freedom and peace bubbles over, becomes like Jesus said, a spring of water welling up to eternal life… giving the grace of God generously to everyone around us.

Living Water

If you could have living water, and never be thirsty again, and by thirsty I mean knocked down, drug out, soul weary, what would you give for it? Turns out it doesn’t cost money, but humility. We must ask and believe. Jesus repeats his “living water” offer later. In John 7:38 Jesus actually quotes proverbs 18:4 and says, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’” John defines that “living water” for us in 7:39 saying “Now this he said about the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were to receive, for as yet the Spirit had not been given, because Jesus was not yet glorified.”

Christians shouldn’t be rules lawyers, like the Pharisees, but rather “living water” drinkers. And that living water doesn’t stagnate but flows in and through our lives. There’s only one well that gives “living water.” Jesus.

Isaiah 12

This beautiful song is a powerful promise of the coming Savior. We see the grace of God, the well of salvation, and the only God worthy of our worship.

You will say in that day:
‘I will give thanks to you, O Lord,
for though you were angry with me,
your anger turned away,
that you might comfort me.
Behold, God is my salvation;
I will trust, and will not be afraid;
for the Lord God is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation.
With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. And you will say in that day:
‘Give thanks to the Lord,
call upon his name,
make known his deeds among the peoples,
proclaim that his name is exalted.’
Sing praises to the Lord, for he has done gloriously;
let this be made known in all the earth.
Shout, and sing for joy, O inhabitant of Zion,
for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel.

 

Next Time

As always, thanks for reading and I hope you were encouraged, Next time we’ll cut to the heart of the issue as Jesus calls her out on sin and then reveals himself as the Messiah sent to save her from those very sins.

Further reading:

Jeremiah 17 the true heart of God for disobedient Israel, He wanted relationship but they wanted to go on sinning in idolatry and offering up sacrifices to band-aid their shame.

A wonderfully detailed article on ancient Shechem. The town Sychar (where the woman was from and the disciples went to buy food) was built near its ruins. Lots of great maps and history.



Psalm 107 Part 6 – There is no God Like our GOD

Psalm 107
Posted on Leave a comment on Psalm 107 Part 6 – There is no God Like our GOD

I have loved going through Psalm 107 and using the truths within it to share my testimony of how God has been working in my life. The Lord has taken me from teenage desperation to learning the daily practice of trusting Him for my spiritual and practical needs. The conclusion of this Psalm offers continued hope to the children of God and a warning to the wicked who oppress His people.

In this passage there are so many threads of thought but I want to focus in on the water. One of my original purposes in starting this blog a couple years ago was to learn about all the wells in Scripture. While this isn’t a specific well, it is referring to water as one of our general provisions from God, a necessity for life and fruitfulness.

Psalm 107:33-43


He turns rivers into a desert, springs of water into thirsty ground,
a fruitful land into a salty waste, because of the evil of its inhabitants.
He turns a desert into pools of water, a parched land into springs of water.
And there he lets the hungry dwell, and they establish a city to live in;
they sow fields and plant vineyards and get a fruitful yield.
By his blessing they multiply greatly, and he does not let their livestock diminish.
When they are diminished and brought low through oppression, evil, and sorrow,
he pours contempt on princes and makes them wander in trackless wastes;
but he raises up the needy out of affliction and makes their families like flocks.
The upright see it and are glad, and all wickedness shuts its mouth.
Whoever is wise, let him attend to these things; let them consider the steadfast love of the LORD.

I believe that here in verses 33 and 34 it is a reference to Egypt. God plagued the land of Egypt by turning the Nile to blood. The Egyptians falsely worshiped the Nile as their giver of life and fruitfulness and God demonstrated that life and fruitfulness are really in his hands. God also turned the Red sea into dry ground to rescue his people from the evil and oppression of their slavery in Egypt then used it to bury their oppressors and stop the attack for good.

Flesh vs. Spirit

Psalm 107:35-38

He turns a desert into pools of water, a parched land into springs of water.
And there he lets the hungry dwell, and they establish a city to live in;
they sow fields and plant vineyards and get a fruitful yield.
By his blessing they multiply greatly, and he does not let their livestock diminish.

Here again is God’s deliverance of his chosen people from the oppression of Egypt. He provided water in the wilderness for them, leading them to the oasis, and later bringing water from a rock, which was a picture of Christ. Then God gave them the land he promised by his covenant, a land for them to dwell in, make a home, and be his people so he could be their God. Where there is water there is a fruitful yield. Scripture refers to itself as water, but also to the Holy Spirit as water. If we want fruitful spiritual lives we must be regularly in the word and walking by the spirit and not the flesh. Paul wrote to the Galatians on this.

Galatians 5:16-26

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

One of the miraculous things about the word of God is that it is living water. The word of God doesn’t just give us information about God and Jesus. When it is poured over our hardened, dry hearts it actually transforms us, makes us new. It takes what is dead and makes it alive! Instead of fruit to the flesh we begin to produce fruit of the spirit. We don’t accomplish this by trying harder, but rather by daily sinking our roots deep into the gospel.

 

Suffering

Psalm107:39-42

When they are diminished and brought low through oppression, evil, and sorrow,
he pours contempt on princes and makes them wander in trackless wastes;
but he raises up the needy out of affliction and makes their families like flocks.
The upright see it and are glad, and all wickedness shuts its mouth.

 

This Psalm mentions three reasons for suffering in the lives of God’s people, oppression, evil and sorrow. These things diminish us by subtracting from us joy and happiness. They bring us low by crushing our hopes and dreams. The contempt of God is poured out on the evil and wicked.

Oppression

Oppression, refers to physical suffering at the hands of evil rulers and spiritual suffering at the hands of spiritual dark forces, also known as spiritual warfare. These causes are largely out of our control, though some pagan and occultic practices can invite spiritual oppression into our lives. One advantage we have as new testament believers is what Paul describes in Ephesians 6 as spiritual armor. The belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, shoes of gospel peace, shield of faith, helmet of salvation, sword of the Spirit and all prayer. If you’ve never studied the spiritual armor in Ephesians 6 I encourage you to pick up a bible study on it. You will be so blessed to learn that God doesn’t save us to leave us defenseless, but rather He equips us for battle with His gospel by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Evil

Evil affects all of mankind. It began at the Garden with Eve’s selfish desire to be like God, to be made all wise, to know good and evil. In the beginning, Adam and Eve only knew good. Having their eyes opened to evil set mankind on a track of death and destruction that is still running it’s course today. Evil rulers, men of war conquering and snuffing out whole races or religions, enslavement of whole people groups, criminals who murder, steal and rape, the sex trafficking industry and the porn industry that fuels it. The really discouraging thing to me is that these are still current issues. Mankind would like to think he is educated and enlightened, but we all feed the system. One thing we cannot do, despite the discouragement, is blame God for the evil in people’s hearts. When we ask the question, “If God is love then why is there evil in the world?” we are asking the wrong question. The question we need ask is, “If I am evil, why does God love me?”

Romans 5:8 is our gospel answer:

but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Sorrow

Sorrow paints a picture in my head of Atreyu trudging through the Swamp of Sadness in the Neverending Story, all hope lost as the Nothing ravaged his world. Feelings of failure, grey skies in every direction with no hope that the sun will ever shine again. Loved ones have died, sickness abounds, friends have backstabbed us, we had hopes and dreams of what our lives would look like and we’ve failed to accomplish those things. Daily pain clouds every moment. We fail and hurt the people we love most. We try our hardest and it just isn’t good enough. I include myself in these struggles. But scripture promises joy beyond and even in our sorrows.

Psalm 30:5

For his anger is but for a moment,
and his favor is for a lifetime.
Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.

Ironically there can be no rescue without affliction. God can’t meet our needs if we have no needs. Water means nothing if there is no thirst. Without death there can be no resurrection.

Contempt

Here is God’s warning to those who would oppress his people and refuse his grace. The wrath of God is poured out, just like the spirit of God. To those who believe that Jesus died to cover their sins and that he took on himself the wrath of God in our place, they will never know or feel the desolation of the contempt of God. God is love, but that love requires him to be a righteous judge. The prideful who stand in front of him and say, ‘I don’t need your grace’ will not have the righteous life, death for sin and resurrection glory of Christ covering their sins when the contempt of God is poured over them. Instead of water to refresh and wash them clean it will be like acid melting them away down to the bone. The gospel tells us not only are we saved from our own sin, but also from the very justified wrath of God.

Romans 5:9

Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.

Friends this is why we must be about the business of proclaiming the gospel every chance we get! It’s like handing people a “wrath of God hazmat suit.” We can’t save ourselves, we must be covered by the righteousness that Christ gives us.

A Call to Community

Psalm 107:43

Whoever is wise, let him attend to these things; let them consider the steadfast love of the LORD.

This whole psalm uses the language of community and family. While God loves you and me personally and saves you and me individually, we are the children of God together! I hope you are plugged into a church body and even part of something like a community group or home bible study. We need each other’s encouragement and constant reminders of the hope we have in the Gospel. It’s also where we get equipped and encouraged to share the good news of this gospel. We are at our spiritual weakest when we are isolated from God’s people. Together let us consider the steadfast love of the LORD.

Psalm 107 has shown us that God finds the lost wanderers, delivers the captives, rescues the prisoners, feeds the hungry, gives water to the thirsty, heals with his word, stills the storm, shepherds his people and leads them home. Let’s rejoice and remind ourselves and our children daily of the steadfast love of the LORD!

Free Resource on spiritual armor

The 7 Day Prayer Warrior Experience by Stormie Omartian – Free for Kindle



Psalm 107 Part 3 – Captivity & the Shadow of Death

Psalm 107
Posted on Leave a comment on Psalm 107 Part 3 – Captivity & the Shadow of Death

We continue with part 3 of our look at Psalm 107, The Captives. This is the hardest part of my testimony to share, it’s me at my worst, it’s the lies I believed and the sin I let myself have, but because of God’s work in my life through these things it gets Him the most Glory. Sometimes we think we are isolated in our struggles, but if you have struggled through any of these things please know that there is hope. The sins that we think disqualify us to be Christians are the very sins that Christ died for, covered with his own blood and then rose from the dead to set us captives free!

Psalm 107:10-16

Some sat in darkness and in the shadow of death, prisoners in affliction and in irons, for they had rebelled against the words of God, and spurned the counsel of the Most High. So he bowed their hearts down with hard labor; they fell down, with none to help. Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst their bonds apart. Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he shatters the doors of bronze and cuts in two the bars of iron.

To quote one of my favorite pastors, James MacDonald, “When God says don’t, He means don’t hurt yourself.” Who are these prisoners? Captives of consequence. Bound in chains to the circumstances brought on because they “rebelled against the words of God, and spurned the counsel of the Most High.” God never sent a consequence to his people that he did not first warn them about. Have you ever ignored good advice? Have you ever made up in your own mind that your way is the best way regardless of what anyone says? Have you ever let yourself be led off into sin because it was easier, more fun or more pleasurable than doing what is right? I have!

For example, when we were youngsters and our parents taught us not to touch a hot stove. The conversation in our mind might go something like this…

‘Mom says I will burn my hand but what does that actually mean? A burn can’t possibly be what she says it is. In fact I want to touch the stove because I think it will be good for me and she wouldn’t want to keep something good away from me. I think when mom says don’t touch the stove she’s trying to have all the fun herself. I just want to be like mom. She touches the stove every day and it doesn’t hurt her. If I just touch the stove my parents will see how good it is for me. They are wrong and I am right and now I must show them that… Waaaaaaaaaa! What is this PAIN???!!! It’s the end of the world! I’m going to die! I wish I had obeyed! I never would have felt this PAIN! Why didn’t they MAKE me obey? It’s their fault I’m in this pain. Life will never be the same again. Waaaaaaa!’

And here comes mom with the burn cream. Crying, heartbroken. Her precious little one is in PAIN. They did their best to keep the little one on the right path but some children must “learn the hard way.” Even though the child hurt themselves in disobedience the parents come to the child’s rescue, doing everything possible to aid in the healing and restoration of that child. In time the wound will heal but that burn will leave a scar. A reminder of a lesson in obedience, mercy and love.

God is no different. Many people think God is angry in the Old Testament and forgiving in the new, but the Bible reveals to us that He was a loving and merciful Father from before the foundation of the world. And in His love He warns us… In proverbs 14:12 and 16:25 “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.” It was that way from the beginning.

Consider Genesis 3:1-13

Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.'” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

Temptation. Deception. A liar from the beginning. Satan using Gods word in a twisted way to convince us that we can meet a spiritual need in a physical way. This indeed leads to death. And when sin doesn’t lead to the “freedom” we want we blame anyone and anything but ourselves.

 

My Captivity

Shortly after I gave my heart to Jesus I fell into sexual sin with the boy who had invited me to that concert I got saved at. (I share that in my previous post.) When I asked him, “Doesn’t God say this kind of stuff is wrong?” His answer was that we were in love and God would want us to feel good together. My raging hormones didn’t put up much of a fight. But after a couple of months I felt awful. Then I found out from another mutual friend that he had bragged about being with me. At that point in my very short Christian walk I didn’t know much about repentance but I knew I needed to end the relationship and get away from him. I asked my mom in January if she could start taking me to a local Calvary Chapel.

I was wary of high school boys so instead of going to youth group I sat in church with all the “grown ups.” I loved it! There was fun worship music and good bible teaching. My mom and my brother got saved right away. Over time my dad saw such a difference in our lives he eventually got saved too. He did continue to struggle with alcoholism for 10 more years, but finally surrendered to God. My parents story is a crazy amazing example of the grace and mercy of God. Click here to read their testimony, how my mom stayed with him, prayed for him, and now he’s been sober for 10 years and has served in Drug and Alcohol ministry and men’s ministry, helping others find freedom and God’s grace for daily living. It still blows me away.

In the meantime I met a friend who was into drugs. It started as innocent fun and I tried a bunch of different stuff with her, but to make a long story short my drug of choice was meth. I had God and church but no real close Christian friends so I just let myself be led away… I began living a double life. I was using drugs and smoking cigarettes, constantly angry at my dad for all the drinking and turmoil at home. But I still maintained the good church girl image… For a while.

I met another boy, a Christian boy. He confronted me about the drugs, said he came from a similar background, and he helped me get clean. Then we got involved sexually too. I would wrestle with God in prayer. Why can’t I just be good? Why do I keep messing up and giving in?

In Romans 7:15 Paul aptly describes this struggle,

“For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”

I can’t exactly recall how but for some reason we thought it would be fun to have an 8ball for my birthday that year. (1/8 of an ounce or 3.5 grams of speed.) We decided we would use together just that one time and never again. And you can already tell where this is going.

It was my junior year of HS. I was 16 now. My boyfriend was a senior, 18. My parents didn’t like him but we were in love and it was serious. We fell into this terrible double life together. We would repent and be good for a while then we would slip, into drugs or bed or both. I was using meth as a weight loss aid, along with an eating disorder. I had terrible self image and struggled with my weight since I was about 12. On meth I didn’t eat. When the meth ran out I would eat and purge. After months of that the girl in the mirror looked skinny but I still felt fat And generally worthless. It was a slow suicide, but it was mine. I believed that my sin wasn’t hurting anyone else… Until I found out in February of 1994 that I was pregnant.

We got clean. I stopped throwing up. I started eating and sleeping again. I believe 100% that God in his providence used that pregnancy to save my life. If it weren’t for my daughter I would be dead.

One of the worst days of my life was the day I told my parents I was pregnant. My mom literally didn’t speak to me for three weeks. The next worst was when we told our pastor. My boyfriend had asked me to marry him. It was such an emotional roller coaster. My plans for college and my ideal future crumbled before my eyes. But the thought of being married and being a family made me feel so happy. We started going to the pre-marriage class through our church. My boyfriend was going to graduate and get a good job and save up some money so we could have a little wedding and get our own place. I couldn’t wait to get away from my parents.

You know the sound Velcro makes when you separate it? Little by little my boyfriend started pulling away. When our daughter was about 3 months old he tried to break up with me. I didn’t let him. I didn’t understand at the time but I was so co-dependent. I freaked out and kept showing up with our baby. I really wouldn’t take no for an answer. He stayed with me but we ended up getting back into the wrong crowd and using and partying again. We were horrible together but I was so afraid to lose him. I was still captive. I was still trying to make physical things fix my spiritual needs.

Shortly after our daughters first birthday I left him. He had made life miserable. He became so distant and apathetic. He had moved in with one of his friends that hated me. I never felt welcome there. He would go out and party but by then I was working full time and still living at home. I sought solace in the word of God and found myself falling more and more in love with Jesus and realizing how much fear of responsibility my boyfriend had. I knew that we just were not going to end up together.

I was ok for a while. I knew God had something better for me. But over the next three years I had several relationships. All them involved sexual or drug sin in one way or another. I was still in darkness and rebellion, in chains. Captive. Still trying to fill my emptiness with things that could not truly satisfy. I questioned if I was even saved.

In January of ’98 I finally surrendered. I was so broken and empty. I felt God calling to me, like He did to Adam and Eve in the garden, “Where are you?” I finally stopped hiding from God. Laid my heart bare before Him. I gave up on trying to make myself free and let God break those chains. I cried out to God, begging for His will in my life because I was making such a radical mess of everything myself. It got better. Little by little. I became free. The freedom was not in having the sin I wanted, but in finally letting it go.

I sat in darkness and in the shadow of death, a prisoner in affliction and in irons, for I had rebelled against the words of God, and spurned the counsel of the Most High. So he bowed my heart down with hard labor; I fell down, with none to help. Then I cried to the LORD in my trouble, and he delivered me from distress. He brought me out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst my bonds apart. I thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he shatters the doors of bronze and cuts in two the bars of iron.

Galatians 5:16-25 makes an important contrast.

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.

My walk with Jesus has been a slow trek. There is no way to rush Christian maturity and there is never an end to our sanctification process in this life. But God, in His great love and mercy, adopts us as His children and then teaches us, patiently, how to crawl, then stand, then walk, then fight, then fly. This is the definition of Sanctification. As we strive to keep in step with the Spirit we often stumble in the process but He never kicks us when we’re down. He uses us to help each other. We are blind to our own failings, we need each other. We need to let ourselves be humbled so that we can see how much He truly loves us and let Him bring the freedom we so desperately desire.

Next up in Psalm 107, The Prisoners and the next part of my testimony. How God redeemed the worst of me.

Thanks for reading.



Psalm 107 Part 2 – The Wanderers & Giving Thanks

Psalm 107
Posted on Leave a comment on Psalm 107 Part 2 – The Wanderers & Giving Thanks

Our walk through Psalm 107 continues with Part 2, the Wanderers. I also share my conversion experience and some of the events leading up to it. It is important to look back, to remember why I am who I am today. I am an adopted daughter of God by grace alone through faith alone.  And sometimes I take that for granted. I really want to take this time to thank God for His steadfast love and the miraculous things He has done in my life. I once was lost but now I’m found and it’s the thing I’m most thankful for.

Psalm 107:4-9

Some wandered in desert wastes, finding no way to a city to dwell in; hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted within them. Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straight way till they reached a city to dwell in. Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.

Verses 4-9 tell us a general story about some folks wandering in the desert. Their situation gets so desperate. They have no homes, no food, no water and no hope. They cried out to God and he delivered them. He led them home. He proved his love for them not only by providing physical security but he satisfied the deepest longing and hunger of their souls. They were so thankful they made sure the next generation, the children of men, knew all about it.

What does it mean to wander? The Dictionary.com app (Websters) lists many definitions, but here are just a couple:
1. to ramble without a definite purpose or objective
2. to go aimlessly, indirectly, or casually; meander
3. to extend in an irregular course or direction

This passage doesn’t tell us how these folks ended up in the desert, just that they were wandering there. The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years. The amazing thing is that it was God himself, by way of deliverance through Moses, who led them into the wilderness. Often I wonder why God does something, and many times there are no answers, but there are a couple of scriptures that tell us exactly why God led them into the desert.

Exodus 13:17-18 tells us

When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them by way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near. For God said, “Lest the people change their minds when they see war and return to Egypt.” But God led the people around by the way of the wilderness toward the Red Sea. And the people of Israel went up out of the land of Egypt equipped for battle.

It seems like God led them on a hard path to protect them from something worse. He did this because he knew the fear in their hearts. The Philistines were an enemy that they were not prepared for yet and if they had returned to Egypt pharaoh would have been shooting fish in a barrel. Is it possible God took them through a lesser trial to prepare them for a greater trial later? Probably. Do lesser trials seem lesser at the time? Not really.

Exodus 14:1-4

Then the LORD said to Moses, “Tell the people of Israel to turn back and encamp in front of Pi-hahiroth, between Migdol and the sea, in front of Baal-zephon; you shall encamp facing it, by the sea. For Pharaoh will say of the people of Israel, ‘They are wandering in the land; the wilderness has shut them in.’ And I will harden Pharaoh’s heart, and he will pursue them, and I will get glory over Pharaoh and all his host, and the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD.” And they did so.

Why did God put their backs against the proverbial wall? Did you catch it? To get glory over the enemy. To display his absolute providence in the affairs of man and to show his people that despite their lack of faith he keeps his promises.

We all know what happens next. I encourage you to read Exodus 14. The details of this account are so incredible. God made a straight path where there was no path. Then in Exodus 15 is their song of triumph. Like Psalm 107:8 says, they praised God and his wonderous works and his steadfast love to themselves and their children.

Later, when they needed water he led them to the oasis, then when they needed food he rained down daily bread from heaven. When they refused to enter the promised land because of fear he still took care of them for 40 years in the desert, leading and providing everything they needed. Even their shoes didn’t wear out. He waited for the right time when the next generation, the little children who had come through the Red Sea, were grown and ready for the battles ahead.

Deuteronomy 8:2-3 tells us WHY

And you shall remember the whole way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.

Sound familiar? The last half of verse 3 is what Jesus quoted in Matthew 4:4 to Satan who tempted him to make bread from stones after the Spirit had led him to the wilderness for 40 days of fasting.

The wilderness times in our lives are an opportunity, not to starve, but to see the mighty hand of God deliver us. He humbles us. He lets us hunger. Then he feeds us. Why? To make us know that physical bread isn’t the only thing we need. To make us know that we can’t meet our spiritual needs with physical things.

Here’s a glimpse into the wilderness of my youth and how God saved me at age 15.

I was raised in the Roman Catholic Church. I know there are some awesome Catholic’s out there who know and love the Lord, but it wasn’t that way for me. I was baptized as an infant, went to catholic school, catechism classes, learned all the rules, memorized the Our Father, said the fastest Hail Mary this side of the Rockies, received my first communion, went to confession (a lot), and still had no idea why Jesus mattered.

I remember most Sunday’s sitting in the pew next to my mom and spinning her wedding ring round and round her finger, watching the light glint off the diamonds while the priest droned on in the background. If I misbehaved my dad would take me outside and make me face the wall. He admitted to me in recent years that it was as much a relief for him as it was a punishment for me. I did like the songs and the stained glass. I loved the statues, Mary, and St. Francis, always looking so holy and peaceful. But church was what we did on Sunday with no more mention of God during the week except for fish stick Fridays during lent.

I met my own personal wilderness when I was 14. I was very close to my grandma on my mom’s side. Grandma Z. She was tough but fun. She babysat me a lot when I was little. Then later when I was a pre-teen she would stay the night with us in my room. It was like a sleep over, we would talk and giggle. We played gin rummy and sometimes after my bath she would rub Nivea lotion into my little arms and legs. She was one of my best friends. But she was sick. As I watched her health declining I prayed, really the only time I remember praying something I hadn’t memorized. I knew she was going to die but I would beg God to let her live till I was 16.

A couple months after my 14th birthday she went into a care facility and never made it back out. It was my freshman year of high school, almost Thanksgiving. I was under a heavy load of full honors, AP/IB college prep classes. I went numb. I stopped doing homework. I would sit in the back of class and try to pay attention but if I wasn’t crying I would make myself fall asleep to escape the grief that was eating my soul. I was mad at God. How could he just take her away from me like that? The whole family started making excuses to not go to church. It was a busy season. Dad was golfing more and drinking more, mom was dealing with the grief of her mom passing in her own way, and my little brother was a typical nuisance. Somehow we all made it through the holidays, then just before Easter Grandpa B, my dad’s dad, passed away, ironically from alcoholism complications. Life went pretty quickly to hell after that.

I dressed in Sunday best for Easter, we all went to mass with my Grandma B, put on smiles and choked down communion. But I felt dead inside. It was the last communion I would partake of until later after God saved me. My dad’s drinking really escalated after that. He managed to hang on to his job but was drinking every night and binge drinking away nearly every weekend. My mom’s way of escaping his madness was to take us kids out shopping. One of the things she would never deny me was books. I used that to my advantage and had her buying me books on alternative spirituality and the occult. It was something I had already been into and at that time I gave myself to it completely. Astrology, eastern meditation, astral projection, Ouigi, dream control and interpretation, Tarot card reading, crystals. I bought into it all. I even had an incense altar to the Goddess in my room that I hid from my parents. I became a pagan, a witch.

I was wandering in the wilderness, so hungry and thirsty, desperate for love and power, some scrap of control in my life that felt so out of control. The more spirituality I tried to stuff into my soul the emptier I became. I started looking for a coven to join.

One day a concerned friend asked me if I had ever accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and savior. My answer to that was “I know all about God, I was baptized and went to church enough. I’m a good person.” I remember seeing Jesus at the Mission every Christmas at mass. There was the typical nativity, but there was always this one huge statue of him all bloody hanging on the cross. It actually kind of freaked me out. But she invited me to a youth group event and I decided to go, wondering if maybe there was something I missed.

People there were happy, welcoming, and having fun. So much different than my previous church experiences. She asked if I would like to go to bible study sometime. I was still very skeptical, a proclaimed agnostic, but I found myself agreeing to go. Over the next couple of months I went every week and though I was mostly confused I was also drawn in. I really wanted to understand what they were talking about.

On October 20th 1992 I went to a big Christian music concert at Kit Carson park in Escondido. The only reason my folks let me go was because it was sponsored by a local church. I went with one of my guy friends and his group of buddies. It was incredible. So many people. Awesome music. Lots of moshing and head banging. Then, after “Die Happy” but before the headliners “The Crucified”, a guy got up and gave his testimony. He talked about the fences we build in our hearts. How we want to know God but we want to stay safe so we just sit on the fence without choosing one side or the other. I felt like he was talking only to me! In that moment my heart burst wide open, I didn’t want to be mad at God anymore! I didn’t want to be lost and empty anymore! Hot tears rolled down my cold cheeks in the dark, in the crowd. He invited anyone who wanted to know Jesus to come to the stage for prayer. I ran. I think I was the second or third kid up there out of maybe 30 or so. It was bright and loud… We all went to a grassy area at the side of the stage where they gave us a copy of the New Testament and we prayed.

My friends were so excited. The guy who had invited me to that concert invited me to go to church with him the next Sunday. I started getting up really early on Sunday’s to go and my folks thought I was crazy. I kept going to the weekly bible study with my other friend and was amazed at how much more sense the bible made. I felt like things were going to get better. I started doing better in school. I felt like I had a future again.

I wandered in desert wastes, finding no way to a city to dwell in; hungry and thirsty, my soul fainted within me. Then I cried to the LORD in my trouble, and he delivered me from my distress. He led me by a straight way till I reached a city to dwell in. I will thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.

Do you remember when He saved you? I’d love to hear about it, feel free to share in the comments.

 



Psalm 107 Part 1 – The Redeemed of the Lord Say So!

Psalm 107
Posted on 1 Comment on Psalm 107 Part 1 – The Redeemed of the Lord Say So!

psalm 107:1-3

Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever!
Let the redeemed of the Lord say so,
whom he has redeemed from trouble
and gathered in from the lands,
from the east and from the west,
from the north and from the south.


This is the beginning of the psalm that opens Book 5 of the Psalms. Did you know there were five books of Psalms? Me neither… until I read this one. The ESV Study Bible notes that Psalms may have been divided as an imitation of the five books of the Pentateuch (the first five books of the Hebrew Scriptures). The last Psalm in each of the five books ends with a doxology (an exclamation of praise to God,) and the last, Psalm 150, is the doxological conclusion of Book 5 and the entire Book of Psalms.

Psalm 107 is poetry, written in it’s own repetitive sections. The first three verses here introduce us to the Lord who is good. He loves, redeems and gathers people. Then there are 4 sections that begin with the word “Some” in reference to types of people. The last section holds a warning for the wicked and encouragement for the needy. Each section is a story of rescue and redemption. It is a beautiful call to thank and praise God as He rescues us from a variety of “trouble.”

all encompassing

The compass directions in verse 3 foreshadow what is to come. If you look at a map of the Middle East in ancient times we see what is located in those directions. Verse 4 says “Some wandered in desert wastes…” To the east we see a vast expanse of desert, where a man named Abram was called out of Ur to a land he didn’t know. Verse 10 describes “Some sat in darkness and in the shadow of death, prisoners in affliction and in irons…” To the west we see Egypt, a dark time of captivity for Gods people. Verse 17 tells us “Some were fools through their sinful ways…” and north is the lands of Cannan, desperate idolatry and opposition to God’s people. Verse 23 says “Some went down to the sea in ships…” And to the south we indeed see the sea, a source of commerce. Each section is filled with calamity but in the center of each “Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.” The means of deliverance are explained and then the end of each sections repeats “Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of men.” 

The testimony of god’s children

In a series of posts we’ll walk through the implications of each of these and how we can see the wondrous works of God in our lives and have a deep thankfulness for his love toward us. We’ll see people snared by circumstances beyond their control, as well as trouble they brought on themselves. They will cry out to God and He will deliver them. This Psalm has been deeply encouraging to me as I look back at the course of my own life. I will be sharing some of the darkest times in my own past, how I went my own way, found myself trapped, cried out to the Lord, and how He delivered me, rescued me, and redeemed me, even at my lowest, worst and most broken. Not because I deserved it, but because He is a good God full of compassion and mercy. And I am thankful to the LORD! I will share the testimony of my past wreckage, not to glorify it, but in order to glorify the God who saved me from it. I hope to make myself small and to show you how big and glorious He is.

are you the redeemed of the lord?

If you are then let’s give thanks to him, out loud right now, “Thank You God!”
If you are not, then why not? Look at your life and ask God to open your eyes to his wondrous works on your behalf. When did he rescue you from trouble? He is not an angry judgmental old man waiting for you to fail so he can punish you. He is good, and his steadfast love endures forever!

Thanks for reading. I would love to read your comments below.



Copyright © 2024 Michelle Vess. All rights reserved.