I have a confession. I am a critic. I have struggled all my life with being hyper critical and judgmental. It’s a little better now, I’ve learned to let a lot of things slide. You can’t have a peaceful home if you don’t learn to let the little things slide. But am also the most critical of myself. I set high standards for myself and when I fail, whether it’s my fault or not, I tend to take it very personally.
Our church rents a school for our Sunday services and last Sunday I was horrified. I had gotten an email ahead of time that the school had a function over the weekend and moved some of our Christmas decorations that were set up in the main venue. One of these was the 6’ artificial tree I had donated and decorated with the help of one of our church kids.
It wasn’t much, pretty small for a tree, but we made it pretty as best we could. The star on top wouldn’t work, and the lighting on the lower branches tends to short out, but we made do. Covered it in glitter balls, ribbon, little tiny angels and some small silk poinsettia sprigs.
When I got to church Sunday it was worse than I though. One of our ushers was carrying the tree back into the main venue from the lobby. The ribbon was mostly off and trailing, the star on top was barely hanging on, a third of the ornaments were missing. Then following close behind was another usher with the tree skirt full of the missing ornaments, many of them broken and lacking hooks.
I looked at the clock… an hour before service. I have time to fix this. Meanwhile in the background the kids were dress rehearsing their Christmas performance, singing like angels and reading scriptures.
My husband reset the star on top. I plugged in the tree to see how the lights were working. The entire bottom half wouldn’t light up. I tried tracing all the plugs, but it was hopeless. The wires were so jumbled up, some of them must have come unplugged when the school moved it. I managed to get all of it lit except for that funky lower set of branches.
I unwound the ribbon stream and rewound it from the bottom up. It also was tangled with the lighting wires. By now tears are prickling in my eyes. I take a deep breath and open the tree skirt to take stock of what ornaments we have. I asked one of my friends to help me put the usable ones back on the tree. We filled in the empty spaces as best we could and then I hid the broken ornaments inside the empty Christmas boxes that were part of the decoration under the tree.
There was still a little bit of time so I sat behind the tree, back to the wall, to try and figure out the lights one last time. The longer I sat there the more upset I got till hot tears finally spilled down my cheeks. We’re supposed to offer God our best, right? Yet we know our best is never good enough. My best was broken.
I’m used to making beautiful things with my hands. I wanted to bless my church family with a beautiful tree in the venue. But this broken thing defeated me. I felt like it was a reflection of my own brokenness. I felt like if people saw the broken tree they would want someone to blame… and that would be me.
My husband spotted me crying behind the tree and came over. He offered his hand and said there was nothing more I could do, to just let it go. I knew he was right but I took his hand reluctantly and let him help me up. He gave me a big hug and told me it was ok.
Later on the way home from church I confessed my broken feelings to him and he was so understanding. I know this is something the Lord is working on in me.
And isn’t that the true meaning of Christmas. That Jesus came to heal our brokenness and fill our empty places. Jesus is the light. Does it matter if the lights on my tree won’t work? Does it matter if my star won’t shine?
John 1:5 says, “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
Not even the darkness of a broken down Christmas tree. Really, God used that moment to remind me Jesus is all the light I need.
Friend, how is your Christmas prep going? Take a deep breath. Whatever is going wrong, give it to Jesus. He knows your heart, he know’s you’re just dust, he knows your best is not “good enough” but He loves you and he has more spiritual gifts for you this Christmas than all the pretty wrapped presents in the world. He gives himself, takes our brokenness and gives us his perfection instead. Let’s accept that grace and spread it all around. Amen? Amen.
